36 year old virgin! With a lot of ladies around, but struggling with ED

Don't blame your father for who you are. You could do that if you were still 18 but you're twice that age and had plenty time to develop your own personality.
Let me tell you something. Good fathers are a rarity. You can consider yourself lucky if you grow up with a father who is truly interested in your personal development. But really strong personalities are rare. I grew up without a father and I am happy that I did otherwise I maybe would have become like my father and he certainly was not the type any boy should look up to. I think it's better to grow up without a father in most instances. But I guess I'm pretty alone with this opinion. I never had a man that I could look up to otherwise. No older brother, no father who was there for me. But I still learned how to stand up for myself.

So you know a lot of women who want to have sex with you. Do you still suffer from ED? If not the only thing that is stopping you is the fear of being rejected because you're a virgin.
I can't really help you there. I'm a virgin myself. But I'm 22. The only advice people can give you is just do it. Or tell a girl of your sexual inexperience. Maybe she won't mind and like it that you talk open to her.

 

Well. That is the question. When the ED is based on the PMO that you did all these years, then keep doing the challenge. You have to tell us how you feel right now. What about your libido. Is it coming back when you dont do PMO? If that is the case then you basically won the fight and everything else is just a matter of time. You dont have to tell her that you are a virgin or so. A broken ego might be a disaster in the heat of the moment. Just know that sex is not putting it in there. It is about looking the person in the eyes, touching her skin and all the other small things that are so important. Because sex is all about intimacy. And remember that you both are in that situation. And never ever consider anxiety and all the other negative emotions when having sex. People have sex because it is a great thing. We are probably the only species on this planet that can have negative thoughts when talking about sex xD

 

I strongly advise you to read this book:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/No-More-MR-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

 

Sounds to me like you need to control/become aware of your mind and thoughts a little better. Judging from your post, your thoughts look a little like this: "I am a virgin"; "I'm such a loser being a virgin at age 36"; "Even my grandmother doesn't respect me because I'm afraid of women/sex" "if only my childhood had been different, everything would be better now"
Maybe some worries too, like "Will I be able to get it up if we get naked?", "She's gonna laugh at me if I don't get it up" etc. pp. this could go on and on and on... Of course I cannot really know what thoughts are in your head, you're the authority on that. These are just guesses based on my own experience because I was a virgin for a long time. But I can definitely say that I was ashamed of the fact that I still was a virgin and I was making up stories about sex. No one could ever know that I was a virgin, that would have been way too devastating; I KNEW everybody would think I'm a loser and worthless.
I was judging myself, the same way that you are judging yourself RIGHT NOW. Observe these thoughts, these judgements. Just observe, don#t argue with them (that just creates more struggling, more negativity). Accept them as they are, don't resist them (what you resist, persists). Ask yourself if they are of any benefit to you, if they take you to where you want to go in life.
Meditation will help you do this. Also "The Power Of Now" by Eckhart Tolle is a VERY important book in this regard.

What you also need to realize is that you have inherent value as a human being, whether you're a virgin or not. And you have value as a human being whether you can get it up or not. And whether you're afraid of women and sex or not. It doesn't matter what other people say, or what they think of you. Love yourself, accept yourself completely, and you won't need to seek love or approval from others.

I personally would not mention to the woman that you're a virgin. That might indeed come across a bit weird. Or maybe the woman would be cool with it because she likes you as a person. Then that could become a really healing experience for you, having opened up und being received with love. On the other hand, if she is weirded out, it might leave you off feeling even worse. Noone can know that beforehand. You have to make that decision.
I did not tell the girl I had my first time with that I was a virgin, but I did tell her about porn-induced ED. I can also tell you that without my anxiety and worry about whether or not I was gonna be able to get it up, I would have probably been able to have sex much earlier.
[TRIGGERS AHEAD]
You also don't need a rock-hard dick that you can split concrete with to have sex. Hard enough is hard enough. Just get in missionary and try it out. If you cannot get it up at all, then there are other ways to satisfy a woman. And these are also not as difficult as some people would have you believe. Just do it with feeling and passion, be in the moment.

Hope this helps in any way. I wish you all the best buddy! if I can be of further help, let me know.

 

Have you read "The Slight Edge" by Jeff Olson? It will give you the right attitude to put the insights from the other books into practice.

Once again, watch your thoughts. If you are thinking that you are weak, then you will be. If you think you are strong and can handle anything, then that will be your reality.
To feel stronger, you can do power posing: for example, stand in the "superman" pose (feet shoulder width apart, chest out, head up, fists on your hip) for two minutes. This gives you more testorone and less cortisol, i.e. Makes you more dominant and less stressed/nervous. See this TED talk for details:


While posing, take a deep breath. Say to yourself in your mind or out loud things like: "I am strong" "It is good to be strong" (gets the language center of your brain involved).
And DEFINITELY meditate. There is no habit that will change your life and your perspectice more profoundly than meditation.
You can also get to a point, where you're just procrastinating with reading books etc. instead of doing the thing. "Do the thing, and you shall have the power" Or, a little shorter and more poignant: DO IT!!!!



(In your case applicable to getting in bed with women who ALREADY WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU)
And obviously: No porn! Though I think that goes without saying on this forum.

P.S. 40 year old virgin has a happy end, don't forget that!

 

I am a 23 y.o virgin. I can easily imagine going 10+ more years if I dont act now. Most of my friends have lost their virginity a long time ago and I am too embarrassed to admit it anymore. I have like you several willing women around me. Up untill now I have been too afraid to really escalate with women. People think I am generally a cool guy and no one would probably guess my secret. It have gotten to the point where I feel like I should start panicking a little. I think it is time to drop all the bullshit and yust go for it. Dont care too much about the aftermaths.

 

@Leone join us in the Glorious Cold Approach Thread of 2016. You have an obligation to mankind to get laid

 

I lost my virginity to a whore when I turned 16, my dad took me to a danish brothel. I can say this, sex is overated as a 22 year old I barely think about sex as I used to when I was a teen, a loving relationship is really where the hapiness is at. Focus on fiding a women who is good and has virtue, someone you can grow with, that's my goal with nofap and to grow stronger too.

 

25 y/o virgin and all-life-single here. Are there any guys that want to wait with sex until marriage? Or is that too old fashioned? Any experience with that?

 

I am waiting.

 

Ask a girl if she wants to watch a movie. If she says "yes", then there is a very good chance she is interested in you romantically, unless you are already deep in the friendzone. When it gets closer to the end of the movie, look at her and say "hey" and when she turns her head towards you, go in for the kiss. I have found if you move quickly it eliminates awkwardness. The kissing then turns into a makeout session, and then she's on top of you, make sure you feel her up everywhere. Flip her back over and get on top her, start kissing her neck, then go back to kissing her on the lips so she doesn't think that you're moving too fast. Girls like being teased. Then kiss the other side of her neck and slide down (make sure to grab her boobs) and start kissing her bare stomach where it pokes out right near the bottom of her shirt, then stick your face in her junk (all her clothes are still on at this point). If she's still ok at this point, start unbuttoning her pants (slowly) while kissing the bottom of her stomach right above her lady parts, and proceed to eat her out. Almost all of my sexual encounters with girls I start with eating them out, it's kinda like the way of courting women these days lol.

 

Well that didn't really answer my question but thank you for this very grafical description.

 

I lost my virginity when I was 24 and had very much the same feelings and thoughts as you. My best advice would be to start dating the woman you like the most (not by her looks, but the one you connect best with). Start out with casual activities that doesn't lead to sex and try to get to know each other and build a bond before you attempt to have sex. For me, just having sex without telling her you're a virgin did not work. I was simply too shy/insecure while in bed to make any moves and it quickly became awkward. I also suffered from PIED though, which made things even worse. I ended up telling her of my virginity and luckily she took it quite well. It will make you feel sooo much better after you tell her and then she can lead during the first nights in bed. Even if the first night will be a little awkward, the next one will be better and the next one even better.

I know it might be different if you're 36 years old, but I still think it's best to start dating someone without having sex if you suffer from low confidence. If you connect well with someone on an emotional plane, she is much more likely to show patience and understanding with your virginity!