Is using porn same as cheating your partner?

My own take on this:

Watching porn is CHEATING YOURSELF, and screwing over your SO (PIED, low-self esteem inducing, less desire for real sex).
Sexting and anonymous random free sex cams (omegle, chat roulette like masturbation encounter) is the "gateway porn" that leads into CHEATING.
Pay-per-use Sex-cams is CHEATING.

 

Lol I know for a fact that you're better off not telling the chef that this and that food or restaurant was SOOOOOOOOOOOO good, because chef will become instant assh*le.

 

I don't understand your confusion about me being honest and still thinking porn is cheating. One of the reasons I am trying to get clean is because it's cheating and I want to stop that.

 

You have some good advise here. But I would argue that dividing the physical and the spiritual when marriage is sprinted is not a good thing. Marriage being two people as a whole coming together as one new persons. If you separate these two aspects then you are not a whole persons and are in completely in your marriage.

 

I think we are saying the same thing.

You say porn equals cheating on your spouse. I say porn equals being dishonest with your spouse.

The common them is that porn runs havoc upon a marriage.

As I said earlier, we can and we will overcome this menace and be free from porn from now on.

Our wives deserve better from us.

 

I believe we are and I enjoy this conversation with you. And I couldn't agree more with your last sentence there.

 

What are you here for then?

 

I have the same problem. This causes my wife to feel inadequate and undesirable. My PMO has cause us some pain and she has caught me in the act a few times.

 

It seems with respect to relationships, intimacy is one of the first things to go. I have been married to the same woman for almost 17 years and have been struggling with porn/sex addiction from my teen years. I am 47 now and still struggle. When I was single, I did not realize I had a problem. I just figured that when we broke up it wasn't meant to be. I didn't realize the addiction was the cause of the break up.

 

I am new to the NoFap community. After reading some of the posts it seems I have found a comfortable place to talk about my problem. I have also participated in Sex Addicts Anonymous.

 

I've been part of SAA as well! How was your experience with them, and did you find them helpful?

 

On a different note, what if you find your spouse in the porn clip

 

I understand marriage is a union but i agree to disagree. There is no clandestine form of marriage, its more a formal coupling of two (often very different) people. All those concepts can exist at once, but if you remove them, still remains a marriage, albiet in some circumstances a unbalanced or unhappy one.

In shorter terms. Its not a magic bullet that amends all faults, more a glue that sticks people together, that chafes and squirms from time to time but stays together stronger than before.

 

I found them helpful, however, because porn and my acting out was taking me away from my family I felt the every Tuesday at 7:30 p.m. was taking me away from my family even more. I think this forum is a viable alternative to SAA. I can discuss my issues with people who have similar problems in a safe nonjudgmental environment.

 

I had the same thoughts as you, every Thursday was becoming too frequent and I found myself hating that I "had to go". I stepped back to 1-2 times a month and have really enjoyed it now. My group is great people, just like here, and we can all talk about things that we don't really find anywhere else to talk about with people who understand what we mean. I still go to the group because seeing people eye to eye and having to say things out loud impacts me deeper than typing on a forum. The problem is that 12-step meetings can easily get stuck and just be people talking about a problem without doing anything about it.

 

Are you really sure? Does she know you watch porn?

If my wife looked at porn I wouldn't care. Actually I would prefer it compared to her fantasizing about an old BF or some guy at work.

I don't think porn is same as cheating, M is natural and some people gets horny by porn and some by fantasizing.

 

I also needed to get a fresh perspective on the problem. I go to counseling now and have discovered there are a variety of issues from my childhood that are a catalyst. It has been good to still talk about the issue, but in a way that helps solve some problems along the way. I get the chance to look someone in the eye and talk about it as well as have someone who can facilitate dialog on how to find solutions.

 

It's not quite as bad as cheating with another person because reality is a more intense experience and disease could signficantly degrade or threaten your loved one's life... That being said, P is a form of cheating and will cause sexual and mental health problems that will decrease your own and your SO's quality of life.

Also, fantasy is no different from P, as P is only an escalation of fantasy. Would you have looked at P in the first place had you not fantasized?

 

You're the lucky one. Mental health services are a double edged sword and some people can't get access to it.

When I personally got admitted to see someone in a established mental hospital from being forwarded, they basically laughed off my depression and P habit (deeming it 'normal intake for someone of my age' though its anything but, I didn't even get to voice or talk through my problem at all with a doctor, just a nurse) and then condescendingly told me to 'pull yourself together' in a public waiting room before brimming with shock and rage I left without a word when they finally let me go. It was a bad experience, and to be honest it has greatly discouraged me from future engagements like that.

If people are fearful of going through themselves or subjecting their partners to the potential of councelling (should they need counseling to help get their heads around the issue) i can see why some people abstain from saying anything.

 

As everyone says, the real "cheating" is against yourself. That, and it may well be true that, like non-alcoholics (of whom I'm pleased to say I'm one) who can enjoy a drink or two, there may well be people out there who can "enjoy" porn at an occasional, guilt-free and undamaging level. But that isn't us (although I'm sure we've all used the "I'm okay, it's normal and cool" justification). We wouldn't be here if we didn't feel porn was damaging some aspect of own lives, which in turn will most likely damage others.