It's been 70 days now and still not seeing improvement.

Hi fellows,

so it's been 70 days now without PMO, without edging, still fantaising. I suffer of deep PIED since always, and watch since 13 porn and extreme porn (i'm 28)

Yesterday night, i was having a drink with a "friend" and we ended by kissing and going at her.. I knew i was going to fucked up down there since i always been unable to have an erection with my others girlfriends so i said to her when we were making out "you know it's not gonna be really hard as i'm a bit rust, it's been quite a long i haven't do it" and she answer like "don't worry, i know you are very stress and not really happy at the moment and i know you guys can overthink with your brain, so no panic" She really know me, we speak every day, she is a good friends but i was always attracted by her so i was happy to see her so understandable and mature. But despite that. Despite i know the pressure was down. after 70 days without PMO, without had any other relation, my PIED is still there, i have any libido, feel any excitation despite i like a lot that girl and she is so attractive and nice. When i kiss her nothing happen, we were naked and i had anything, my penis has never been so tiny . I felt ashamed, embarassed. Even when i was porn addict, i was able to get erection when making out... what happened? I'm so worried i would never be able to get my erection back . 70 days is a long time and i guess i'm supposed to see improvement since the day 1....
After that i came home this afternoon, fall asleep for a nap and had a wet dream of extrem porn i used to watch and i was involved. and these picture of extrem porn was very clear like if i watched it every day...

Any advice, or thought please

 

I haven't actually and I saw a tutorial about that . Is it the same muscle that the one to stop peeing? so i have to hold it 5 secondes, 15 times 3 times a day ?
Also have you heard about natural product as Male Extra? All the review of official website and not phishing recommand it as it's not chimical but natural aphrodisica (ginseng, maca, grenade etc...)

 

Yes i know, I have more than 15 years of porn and sick porn but i would never expecting to that result. I wish i could throwback to that time and slap myself.. I also had the symptom of the death grip my masturbation was 5 mn very quick, not even turn on, with 15 tabs of sick video open and go to bed... pathetic . and no i ruin all my chance with girls i like because of that sick pleasure...

 

Thank you so much all for your reply and kind message, that help me a lot to receive all this support and I try to give support to when i read other post.
What is very hard for me to avoid is these automatic thought that i can get my dude hard . Like it's natural that having sex = fail and i remember for like 2 3 min I had it hard with this girl and my mind was like "i feel something hard ok i can"t fail now let focus on it" and it was becoming soft just after. The "injury" is so deep its like its a part of me and i don't know how to reverse it. I read a lot of book about how to change negative thought to positive etc.. but when it's concrete my mind is only think on it. Even before i was at her house, when we were talking together i was thinking i cant have sex with her because of my PIED. It's terrible... I will continue the battle and i won't let my brain and mind trick me to relapse.
I take every day 2 pills of natural herb (korean ginseng) from Holland and Barnet. Review said it's a great herb, for having a better mood, a better energy and improve libido. Well for sure i don' t feel any tiredness during the day (but that since i stop PMO) better mood i'm not sure, and libido improve well for sure I live in Paris so there is lot of hot and pretty girls in the street or the subway. But I don"t remember when was last time i had a spontaneous erection... probably 2 years ago or something. I had morning wood for sure but never during the day and never had a "reflexe erection" by a thought with a girl (i used to though)

I guess you are righ BMDirty to share my thoughts of the days and thanks for following me.
Well few word today, no surprised i feel very despressed and hopeless.. my friend i ended with last friday took a distance and said she didnt want anything than friendship with me. I think i have feeling with her and i had to protect myself which i didn't. I keep thinking that if i was able to have sex with her maybe she would like to see me again in another aspect than friendship.. but at my statut i need to enjoy my single state to improve my lifestyle, focus on my rebooting but i miss having an interaction with a girlfriend, dating, cuddling, going on holiday with.. I have not lot of friends in Paris (i moved in few month ago from London) and my close friend here is like meeting lot of pretty girl and can have relation with her without any problem, he has a great job and great coworker and live in a great flat so it's hard to feel so shit next to him. I am always in a bank overdraft at the end of the month, live in a suburb which is far away from paris so can't going out and come back anytime i want, and i hate my job and manager. The only think which push me to keep going here is that i'm going to travel in 4 countries during long weekend with my friends from london, and hometown... Well i don't really like speak negative so tomorrow i will write only positive aspect about me and my life! Last time i say something bad or negative is today

 

You seems, you went through lot of tough things you too and that makes us stronger and more motivate to beat that addiction. I'm still scared this addiction and PIED will be a part of my life forever and i dont know if we can be cured at 100%. After so many years of brain destruction how come everything can be forgetted especially as it was during my education and my teenage years when all come in and you start to build the adult i am now...

I felt a bit more confident this week, I start to take korean ginseng alimentary complement which is supposed to help with the well being, improve libido, and give more energy. And it's getting better at work so my daily life is improve in comparaison to last month. Something "crazy" for me happened this week, i been texting a girl on tinder and during texting her I had a spontaneous erection just thinking i will dating her. It was quite hard and i was like "wtf, it never happen before" . When the date comes in, we quickly had an attraction from each other and when we kissed, i was excited and felt my little boy was "alive". We didn't go further after making out and i don't know when i will see her next time (actually i was in another city for my work this week so she doesn't live in my city)
I know its now only psychological and my PIED start to get cured hopefully. I don"t have any urge to watch porn, but unfortunately i still continue to fantasing and using "alternative porn" (watching girls on facebook, instagram, tinder, speaking about sex with my friends) I never PMO on purpose so i wont reset my counting but this part is the most complicate for me. I haven't change all my 'lifestyle' but it's been 80 days and improvement start to show. I am aware 90 or 120 days is not enough regarding how damage my brain was .. and i have no idea when i will claim i am addicted free..?