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90 Days No PMO... Day 16

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by JBones80, Feb 29, 2016.

  1. JBones80

    JBones80 Fapstronaut

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    I'll try to be as consistent here as possible because I want to track my progress. Currently on day 8, which feels like day 800. Everything seems to drag and in a bit of a fog. I'm also trying to fight this in the midst of a breakup, so I can't tell what is the real source of the depression I am feeling. I have zero focus. In reading the posts of others, loneliness is a common feeling, which is kind of comforting and actually makes me feel less alone. Regardless, with the help of good friends and lots of prayer, I've been been able to take things a day at a time, an hour at a time, and sometimes a minute at a time. I know I have an awesome future ahead of me, the best I will ever know. I'm determined to stick with it.

    Last PMO Date: 2.20.16
    Longest Streak: 16 Days

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2016
    Rav70 likes this.
  2. bigmacdood

    bigmacdood Fapstronaut

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    I know how you feel fellow no fapper. Remove all distractions from your life, exercise on a daily basis, and do your best to recalibrate as a human being. You can do it!
     
  3. JBones80

    JBones80 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! Glad to be in the company of good people also fighting
     
  4. JBones80

    JBones80 Fapstronaut

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  5. JBones80

    JBones80 Fapstronaut

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    Day 15: On the cusp of breaking my current streak. I've been feeling confident and more assured, however, I'm trying not to be too over-confident, because I know this about myself, that if I drop my guard and relax on the tools and the process, I will relapse. So I've been telling myself that I can't let up and I need to keep pushing hard. Although, this is totally a milestone for me and I'm happy I'm here, right now. And in my mind I'm giving myself a big ol' bear hug and a high-five.

    All of this in the midst of a breakup of an 8 year relationship which has been pretty devastating. I keep going through obsessive thoughts about, "if only I had beaten this earlier (or if only I never had this problem), and if I had been more in-the-present, we would still be together". My 4 year relationship before that had ended in a similar fashion. I can't describe how sick I am of this pattern. I feel like porn has robbed me of amazing relationships. For the 8 years, I wasn't really "there", I was off in some useless fantasy completely missing this amazing and real person in my life that was in front of me and was trying to show me real love, love that I needed and wanted. Aside from the guilt I feel for all the emotions she poured out to make it work, all the passion she gave, and by the time I tried to reciprocate in a real way, it was far too late, and she is only a shadow of herself, totally burned out. Sure, there is a possibility that it could have gone down this way, even if I never had this issue, but it kills me that I even have to ask "what if?". I'm determined to never let pornography become a variable. Fapstronauts, do not let real love pass you by! Let's beat this so we can show real, genuine, authentic, unbiased and non-judgmental love to the world! We need it and the world needs it badly.

    Let's not kid ourselves, the brain science about how porn distorts us is significant yes, but what I think is more important to remember is that porn does real, irrepriable damage to very innocent people, to wives, to families, and to children—in physical ways, in social ways, and in emotional ways. It's not just us we are hurting.

    Here's my emotional/withdrawal run down at the moment: Feeling lonely, needy, insecure, and tired, mixed in with anger, frustration and anxiety. Oddly enough there are short bursts of pure elation and joy. I'm all over the map. It sucks but I have made the promise to myself that I am only going to go through this once!

    I got a pretty sweet tax return and if I can make it through for another 30 days I promised myself a little reward.
    [​IMG]
    I've been eyeing this baby for a while and its a sweet incentive for success. Trying to think of a fun reward for myself when I hit 90 days. Well thats my schpiel for today, I'll check in soon, keep strong everyone...
     
    goodnice 2.0 and Rav70 like this.
  6. Rocky101

    Rocky101 Guest

    Jbones80,

    Don't look back. The path in life is to go forward and be happy. I know mood swings are normal for the recovery.

    P.s. Nice guitar!

    Rocky101
     
  7. JBones80

    JBones80 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you good reminder!
     
  8. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    I'm the woman in that relationship you speak of... 100 days no PMO my boyfriend is a different man.
    Stay.strong.
     
  9. JBones80

    JBones80 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so so much, I really needed to hear that perspective...
     
    Rav70 likes this.
  10. JBones80

    JBones80 Fapstronaut

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