What I feel after 9 months clean

Hi @Oscarito
90 days is an artificial threshold, we are in this fight forever
Some days I feel that my addiction is over, it is history, the past.
Some other days I realize it is still there, inside me.
But do not be afraid, just be aware and alert
As soon as the urges appear you need to have a strategy to abort them ASAP.
I have what I call my "Emergency Toolbox", some posts ans readings I have saved , they help me to get conscious about all this fight is about.

I can share this post with you with my own Emergency Toolbox, it helped me a lot during the first few months, i had them in my cell and read them every time I started falling down:


http://www.NoFap.com/forum/index.ph...t-during-my-first-100-days.45178/#post-309287

I wrote some tips in this post that perhaps will help you too:

http://NoFap.com/forum/index.php?threads/tips-that-helped-me-to-start-my-reboot.46617/#post-330318

You can watch some interesting videos which are also very helpful in this post:

http://NoFap.com/forum/index.php?th...t-help-me-a-lot-during-my-reboot.39774/page-2

I hope that some of this helps, do not be afraid and keep on fighting
Fercho

 

BTW @Oscarito, if you speak Spanish, we have a Spanish speakers group and a post in Spanish at:
http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/nofap-en-español.50547/page-8#post-439805

 

I am back in my hometown Buenos Aires for a week.
I have always mixed feelings when i am back here.
This is where my addiction started, and it used to trigger sad feelings to be back here.
My father is quite senile, and watching him like this hurts a lot. he used to be a bright man, university professor and my role model.
Besides, my addiction and bisexual feelings were triggered by some episodes of bullying at elementary school, when I was 10 I was sexually molested and abused by some class mates.
Anyway, I came back with 9 months of PMO clean on my back (and head), and everything feels different.
I do not feel so sad, I do not feel that press on my chest I used to, I feel very relieved of winning this battle and having this nightmare on the past.
I cannot delete what I lived, and the shitty things I did with PMO and male escorts, but I can plant the roots for the rest of my life.
As some of you know, speaking out about my addiction hurt my wife a lot. Although she supported my recovery, she also felt betrayed and disappointed with me.
I lost her trust and I am working to get it back.
We have started this week couple therapy, the first session was very good. We both could speak out, it was a good conversation and the therapist was very helpful.
We are having one more session in person before we get back to Miami, and we will continue via Skype.
I hope this helps us rebuild our relation. Now that I feel recovered from PMO, it will be ironic if our relationship gets worst instead of improving.
I am confident about the future as I have not been for years
Fercho

 

Thank you @steven968 for reading my post and giving me your support

 

Good job @Yesodi , you are almost there. Half a year is very impressive too, the worst part of your recovery is completed. Now it is a matter of being constant and sticking to what you have been done this last 180 days. Do not look back, but be alert and aware, because the addiction will some times try to get back
Good luck
Fercho

 

Thank you @Tony1
Good luck with your reboot. it is hard and may get painful, but it is worth it the effort

 

Thank you @Better Than This
" From he other side" sounds funny, like I have died and reborn again, but thinking about it, this is how I feel some times. I see my "old me" and it feels as if that guy disappeared in the middle of the reboot. Feel a new man , and feels great
Fercho

 

Hi @Oscarito
90 days is an artificial timeline we set up at the beginning, just to have a reachable goal. We are in this fight forever, and we need to understand this.
It may take years until we really get 100% rid of the addiction.
It will back and forth, some days you feel "cured" and some days, when you lower your guard, it will try to come back.
Do not be afraid, just become aware and alert, and you will win this battle
Mucha suerte
Fercho

 

Congratulations @Engedi1 for reaching your first two months clean. The hardest part I'd over, now you just need to stick to what you have ben doing right and you will win this fight
Fercho

 

You are right @Engedi1
The big danger after a while is to become complacent and lower the guard.
This is when many Fapstronauts fail, so just be alert and aware
Fercho