How can I become manly?

Great post, what a struggle us men have to look like 'real men'.
There is nothing you have to do be 'a man'. Congratulations, you are one already! Whatever your personality is, your life looks like, that is a version of being man.

Definitely a struggle having those patterns though, a lot of people don't handle men being sensitive well. I don't think the aim is to desensitise, but to have more control over it. Find someone, anyone who seems like they can cope with you crying and showing emotion, and then ask them to meet up because you need some help with these struggles. Then tell them and allow yourself to cry. You'll be amazed how being able to just cry with someone there will give you perspective.

 

Create your own idea of what manliness means to you. For me it's simple.

Practice mindfulness meditation
Keep taking action towards what you want

Rinse and repeat, everyday till the day I die

 

It seems to me that many of these responses are missing the point. The OP's issue is not that he likes flowers, and that is somehow unmanly. It is that his appreciation of flowers causes him to cry / express extreme oversensitivity, which would be an unusual response from anyone, male or female. It sounds to me like this is rooted in something much deeper than a mere lack of confidence - as evidenced by the fact that he considers this sensitivity a return to the way he was before PMO, and that PMO was merely a vehicle for attempting to suppress sensitivity. I would go so far as to say that he will have little long term success in ending PMO until he finds more constructive ways to direct and respond to his emotional state, rather than the other way round.
While my own experience is not so extreme as this, I do have a very romantic/sentimental outlook for a guy, so I can relate to the predicament.
@Pluto, I appreciate you sharing these various concrete examples, because in them I see a number of interwoven but nonetheless distinct threads. The great haircut calamity comes across as holding yourself to an unrealistic and uncharitable standard of perfection. Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Number two, the flowers: I like flowers, too, but I think in your case, there's something more pathological going on, and it's related to that standard of perfection again. See, the beautiful flower, in its own way, is perfect, so when confronted by it your inner romantic gets all hypercritical ("I don't deserve to live in this world that's so much better/more beautiful/virtuous/ideal than I am"). This in turn places you in an overwhelmingly melancholic place emotionally. Over time that mindset, which pretends to be an appreciation of beauty, actually renders beauty toxic. You respond to this toxicity in many ways: numbing it with PMO, reverting to a childlike-state, constructing a spiritual fantasy world inside you where you are free to be heroically perfect without all the bother and nuisance of real existence, etc.
My best advice: the next time you see a flower, remind yourself that you do deserve this world; that this flower exists as a beautiful thing solely to make the world a tiny bit more commensurate to the ineffable worth that is your existence. Thinking about this, you will probably cry; they will not be tears of melancholy, but of joy. So go right on crying, and don't stop until you've washed every speck of that unrealistic self-image from your jaded eyes.

P.S. It might be of benefit to read up on the INFP temperament.

 

1 - you are who u are

2- u can improve who u are by raining ur Testosterone levels. Look at "Christopher Walker - Testshock Program" and tips by Chad Howse, thay might help u... (just in case: stay away of steroids)

3- To become emotional and sensitive is a normal part of the nofapchallenge. A lot of us use pmo to cope with emotions, and when we lack our coping mechanism we breakdown and cry

4- U don't want the experiences that toughen up men: death, breakups, tough decisions, diseases, disappointments, lack of friends and people to fully trust, and the idgaf attitude comes when people are not caring about u neither

 

Part of the No PMO process. Your emotions are resetting too. I noticed it too during my reset, and wondered how too I could be more "manly". I really that pmo made me less of a man. It was hiding the fact I was lonely, insecure, and hurt. Made me look at my issues and deal with them. That's being a man. Simply being aware of your issues and dealing honestly with them, that's a real man!

 

You want the truth from my opinion based on your OP? You don't become a man by intentionally doing steps, there is no "becoming a man for dummies" book.
You want the truth of becoming a man?

• Step one - Go into a 4 - 6 year long depression.
• Step two - Get into fights, fights that almost get you killed, and almost kill your opponent.
• Step three - Risk doing things that get you life in prison, take risk.
• Step four - Get smart, learn about quantum mechanics, nuclear physics, firearms, astronomy, history.
• Step five - Fully reboot, have a high sex drive, be straight. Go and hit on any girl you want.
• Step six - Have pride, don't take ANY shit from anyone, yet know your limits.
• Step seven - Realize that life can still be beautiful even with all the shit in the world, you define your own reality, all this manly stuff is good but the only thing that matters is your own happiness, not what people think of you.

You seem like a person with a lot a emotion, I envy you. I use to be a cold hearted person, void of any emotion at all. I wished that I could smell flowers and enjoy it, but I would often smell nothing, and be incapable of experiencing joy.
I know society demands a certain image of people, but you are who you are. I would consider myself a true man, a true human. But if you are truly not satisfied with who you are, I must warn you that the path to becoming societies image of a "man" is a journey of risk, depression, bravery, anxiety, cross-examination, second guessing, and fear. I did it but it took me years of pain. In the end, I AM happy with the end result.
But just know that it will be tough. Perhaps its better to just live how you are now, for the world is far more disturbing then I believe you realize...

 

INTJ here

 

• Step one - Go into a 4 - 6 year long depression. - DONE
  
• Step three - Risk doing things that get you life in prison, take risk. - DONE
  
• Step four - Get smart, learn about quantum mechanics, nuclear physics, firearms, astronomy, history.- DONE
  
• Step six - Have pride, don't take ANY shit from anyone, yet know your limits.- DONE
  
• Step seven - Realize that life can still be beautiful even with all the shit in the world, you define your own reality, all this manly stuff is good but the only thing that matters is your own happiness, not what people think of you. - DONE

 

The first step is to accept that that is currently who you are. Break down your personality into little bits that define you and try to make changes in the area that you are not satisfied with. And remember that in this modern day and age, the concept of 'manliness' is dying and rightly so. Gender is a spectrum and one does not forgo the other. Keep confidence in yourself, your identity and values and don't be affected by other people.

I hope you find happiness soon.

DS.

 

Have you been to a doctor?

 

@Pluto,
Sorry to hear you feel that way, I hope you can grow your way towards a healthier state.

From the sounds of it you are suffering from some degree of anxiety. This is not an unusual side effect of FAP addiction etc. your brain is on a roller coaster right now and it is busy getting reprogrammed extensively. Along with that goes a whole host of neurotransmitters etc. So the reality is that as long as you are returning to factory setting in your mind your brain chemicals may be in flux and emotions could get the better of you. I have suffered depression and anxiety (Clinical not anecdotal) and those feelings you have expressed are familiar to me. My anxiety was particularly acute when I was in the grip of my FAP addiction.

Now, as to how to become more manly? Might I suggest you go get your testosterone tested with a doctor to see what your levels are like. It's widely reported that a huge swath of men in contemporary Western cultures these days are suffering from reduced testosterone levels relative to thirty years ago. The general scientific speculation is that environmental factors are a leading cause, BPA liners in metal food tins, women's hormonal birth control dumped in sewers leading back into water supplies and so on. There are masses of chemicals in our environment that "may" be having negative effects on men's T-levels.
A specialist can look at your levels and see if they are "normal". Note "normal" may still be pretty low levels relative to historic cultural norms.

Also, if you work with your doctor on anxiety and depression disorders I caution you that many of the drugs to treat that also can have negative effects on your T-levels.

Now one thing you can do that is becoming pretty popular these days to boost your T-levels, in a completely natural way is to get lifting weights. Specifically doing free weight lifting, that means traditional Barbell exercise like dead lift, squats, bench press. Look up the 5x5 program for weight lifting. It's extremely simple to follow and takes about 45 minutes 3 times a week. I loved it and I need to get back to it myself. Try to avoid Smith machines and such and rather focus of free weights. It forces you to work many more groups of muscles in your body which drives the desired changes in your body's chemistry. Don't shoot for lots of reps on low weight, shoot for few reps on big weight for the changes you are after. Be sure to get educated on how to do it properly so you don't injure yourself. Start easy, just the bar if you have to. 5x5 is a progressive program so its always getting harder anyhow. The constant boost in required performance is what makes it work so well. you build muscle, you lose fat, you build T-levels, which allows you to build more muscle, its a positive feedback cycle, and it just plain feels good. Trust me when you are in the middle of doing your fifth squat with 220 lbs of steel on your shoulders you will never cry at the sight of a beautiful flower.

Why do this? Well squats in particular activate muscle groups in your body that produce....TESTOSTERONE!

FAPPING all day long....reduces T-levels.

When your T-levels rise, as mine did, you feel stronger, you feel more confident, you lose weight, you have explosive power, you feel more in control of your body and your mind, in short, you feel like more of a man. It's a wonderful feeling, your mind becomes your own again and you can master it. You will stop having waves of emotions roll over you.

You might also try HIIT, or High intensity interval training, it has similar effects on the body.

If you smoke a lot of weed, stop that too. The weepiness etc that you described, I can identify with that like I said I have experienced that in the past. Weed always made it worse for me. Plus weed reduces a chemical in your body, can you guess what it is? That's right, testosterone. Lots of weed use reduces your body's T-levels. The archetype of the fat, useless, slightly effeminate, peace loving stoner is an archetype for a reason, because weed reduces T-levels and in turn it physiologically creates fat, listless, peace loving lazy people.

My advice may work, but if you have a serious social anxiety disorder or general anxiety disorder you may need to work with a therapist to help reprogram your brain into a more manageable state in parallel to making physical changes to your body with weight training. You might consider looking up CBT, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It's a very common treatment approach to a variety of anxiety disorders and its pretty easy to learn and apply to yourself.

Finally, consider going really clean on your diet. All those environmental things that can enter your body and mess with your hormones etc, most of them come in through food. Consider going Paleo, only eat natural food, not factory food, cut out sodas etc and things that come in plastic bottles if only for a few months as an experiment to see what happens.

Good luck

 

TROLLLOLL

lol. yeah prison is the best college

 

I never said i went there... Only things that MIGHT get me there

 

I have been lifting weights and trying to stand up straight. With my legs about shoulder width apart. I also force my shoulders back to make my shoulders wider.


When you stand or sit you want to take up as much space as possible. Sit with your legs spread apart and your arms out.

Look up alpha male on YouTube. There is a lot of good stuff on there.

 

I'm interested in becoming more manly as well.
Some ideas I've had:
- Get a concealed weapons permit and own a handgun, just because.
- Go hunting with my uncle.
- Going fishing (been doing this one).
- Exercise (already doing this one).
- Learning how to be a good husband.
- Learning to be a good father for the day when I am a father.
-Going hiking.
- Growing a beard.

These are just a few ideas I had.

 

There is quite a bit of information here and different views.
In my opionion is were all different.,
When I was younger I used to cry a lot., and get really emotional.
I like reading prose and nature in general,
Love lifting weights and ruck marching.
Im not afraid to speak my mind to anyone and ill stand for anyone who believes in me.
Were all unique, some people like guns and hunting or building stuff ect..
People also have different personalities.
Take mine for example
Passionate, aggressive and emotional but now I try and change my emotions into actions.
As far as manly stuff, sports hunting big trucks guns don't interest me i think there cool but i don't want to have some other guys last name on my back advertising some sports team. Much respect for the athletes but the point it there are characteristics of a "manly man" but a man does what he wants when we wants and he does need other other men telling him. So take this with a grain of salt.
What I know is this
EAT BETTER
If you eat junk food or not enough variety it throws stuff out of balance.
You need red meats, dark green lettuces, vegetables fruits, whole milk, butter sour cream,. Just think hearty Healthy fats
Lean and Fatty proteins, Fill the rest with carbs.
EXERCISE OR FIND AN ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY
I like lifting but some people find it boring. Find what you like.
GET SLEEP
DRINK WATER
TAKE COLD SHOWERS
DON'T FAP
DO THINGS THAT ARE MENTALLY OR PHYSICALLY TOUGH
This is just the basics but you can always get your t tested.
If you get good sleep, exercise, eat right and stress less(this is what i struggle with) your hormones will be in working order.Plus your still a young dude.
Take home. Be yourself Challenge your self.
Hope this helps, if you want to know more details on food or exercise or whatever just pm me dude .
NoFap Day 105 Come at me
Much Love

 

If you do like flower's then buy yourself a flower shirt and tell everyone to go fuck themselves if they come at you because of it. If you cry you cry, and if someone offends you tell them the way you feel about it. Don't be sorry about the way you are, just speak your mind out.