Regular ED issues

So I am at a point where I feel very low in my life, but I am not sure how i would class my porn addiction.

During my 20s I watched quite a lot of porn, sometimes several times per day. I have been married for 18 months now, and I have made it my mission to only watch porn with my wife as opposed to by myself, which we do rarely -maybe once or twice a month.

The problem is that I have become desensitised to my wife's touch which is devastating for me and must be hurting her more. We used to have such an active sexual lifestyle, but about a year ago, I started to get ED. This only happened on the odd occasion but it got worse and worse, and now the thought of having sex with her, or any sort of sexual contact with her, scares me because I'm constantly worried that I will get ED, which in turn then leads to ED. It's a vicious cycle. I've been to the doc and waterworks are all fine down there so I know it is psychological.

The problem is that when we get down to it, I have to rely on thoughts I have seen on porn or read about in ladies confessions (which sometimes I think is just as bad as watching porn). Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but I don't want to rely on these thoughts when I should be enjoying the touch of a real woman on me. Now it has got to the stage where I often rebuff my wife's advances, and very rarely make a move myself for fear of embarrassing myself with ED. Wife has always been very supportive over this but feel this is so unfair on her when I feel she deserves so much better.

I've also found that I objectify women in the street which I strongly dislike about myself. If there is any amount of flesh showing on a woman, or if she is wearing tights/boots, my eye is automatically drawn and I feel like such a perv at the relatively young age of 31. I'm trying to stop all these thoughts but just don't know how to. It doesn't help when every magazine/advert/newspaper/tv often shows pictures of scantily clad/alluring women all over it. I want to be able to look at a woman without these sexual thoughts entering my head.

This issue may seem trivial in comparison to many other threads I've read on here, but for me I feel a lot of shame for myself for getting myself in to this cycle, and not being able to concentrate on the greater things in life -like focussing all my attention on my beautiful wife and treating her like the amazing woman she is. Am I the only person who feels like this?

 

Thanks guys, it's amazing how much more positive I felt just from writing down my problems. You're right, I shouldn't be watching porn with my wife or by myself. It's all down to discipline. For me it was just a really hot image knowing my wife got off watching porn. But it's got to stop. And I've had the chat with her about it and we agreed to stop. It's been a good couple of weeks since I've watching anything, no desperate urges yet. No Pmo for a week.

Think i will allow the o part, just no p or m.

Neo76 stay strong bro, there are lots of success stories on here, anyone can do it.

 

It has been a good 5 months since my last post but wanted to give an update which I hope will serve as a success story to others going through similar issues as myself...

For the last 5 months I cut out P and M and it has had a huge impact on my ED issues. I've not had any issues for about 3 months which is helping me to relax and enjoy sex again. There have been a couple of occasions where I have had the urge to go back to porn but have managed to curb these through focus, perseverance and, at times, distracting myself to stop the act from taking place.

I am in such a better place that I was a few months ago, and it has had a massively positive effect on my marriage and sex life. So thanks to those who offered their thoughts. I know I am not there yet, but will continue to ensure I don't drop back in to the dark days.

Anyone who can relate to what I've been through, trust me... If I can do it, anyone can do it!