My Brief Story and First Day PMO

This is so true, i really know it. I just felt the need to prove to myself.

 

I've never had what you would call ED in the standard sense but after yesterday with the worst exp ever I had to prove it to myself that I could get an erection, i know conventional wisdom here would say it was the wrong choice and especially in a flatline as my libido is like non-existant, the thought of sex doesn't sound like something i'd want to do, in fact sex just seems 'weird' to me at the moment.

With so much going through my head, i had a 2 minute touch downstairs and got a little hard and that was enough for me to know things do work and that was just thinking of past sex experiences.

Its cleared my head and i'm back again and hope in the next few days although in a flatline my mental state will be clear like it was at the beginning of last week when i started.

Lessen learned, a flatline is normal, ever success story speaks of them and everyone who has been through it speaks of how bad it is the first time, trying to fap during this time will mess with your head as zero libido + no P isn't going to result in a good experience, so just accept it and know things will get better with time.

 

Rav70 - thanks again, you're really helping people and you deserve a star for having to listen to all these guy things and explainations of our thoughts. Well, those 2 days were my lowest ever but it did prove one thing to me (like you said) that its a bit of a mental thing with me and going into sex or masturbation thinking "GET HARD NOW" tightening legs, shuffling through scenes in my head and stressing is not conductive to a good relaxed time, but relaxing and not thinking is.

My libido came back the end of last week

Porn wise, i've not watched any and do not miss it one little bit. I will avoid anything at all that looks racey. I've a girl on skype that i've chatted with for years that sends me semi naked stuff but its no biggy and just her having fun, that being said I do not dwell on it.

I had a very brief touch earlier, but a soft touch and standing (which before I would only be sat or lying), thinking about a regular sex scenerio with the skype girl that i am into, i just relaxed and no probs but cut short as soon was hard and felt like if I carried out I wouldn't last a minute.

I do think i'm doing well overall and I think my little sanity checks aren't the end of the world although I know now that I shouldn't do them and its just that part of my brain fooling me.

 

No worries, it does help.

The skype girl, well, we might be meeting in the summer if i go out there or definately in september when she comes to europe. I'm so comfortable around here. She has sent me gym, underwear pics for years, shes the closest thing i've had to a real girlfriend as sad as that sounds, so I suppose I am a bit invested.

Local ladies.. not really, i'm not on the dating apps and really the only time I go out its "with the lads" so its not the best way to meet women. I do need to sort this aspect of my life out, i don't just wanna nofap for nothing but where my head as at the moment I like the idea of cuddling more than anything more

Its just nice at the moment just withdrawing from it all, my attitude is every day I abstain is a day I am healing

 

Thanks Rav, don't feel you always have to reply, i do appreciate it though really, always feel a bit "oh god, poor woman will have to read the nasty physical bits"

I'm mood swinging a lot so that's probably why I was in the cuddly mode yesterday, this really has given me an appreciation of why women get 'weird' that one time a month, i've never been so emotional in all my life and of course the PMO stuff I indulged in just left me numb

The girl online we can meet but it will only be for a couple nights, I'm 99.9% sure we'd have sex or at least 99.9% sure she wants to, she's going through a bit of a sexual awakening which doesn't help when I chat with her but i've told her I am in monk mode just to clear my head not because of watching too much P Thing is I do like her and am so comfortable with her, so its not just about having sex but at the same time she is young (23 and i'm 33) and will want to play so I have to make sure I don't scare her off with getting serious.

physical bits... I'm good today, I had a spontaneous one that I played with for about 10 minutes, no issues and just thinking about nice fun sex with 2 girls I fancy, no P entered my head and I was just zen and relaxed and not death gripping at all and when i noticed myself tensing up I would just relax again (swapping hands, lite touching and not touching).

Obviously the dopamine has me on this high now, but the scenarios in the play I had were almost new to me as weeks ago I would have reached for the smartphone.. feeling good now... but again, need to stop this playing now as I have nothing to prove anymore. Just smiling to think where i will be in a month from now.

I think in the next couple months I'm going to do online dating, I'm still a little self conscious taking photos of myself, but in the last couple weeks I've been taking a lot of selfies and i'm healing in this respect also. The profile pic is the one I fear, i just focus on stupid stuff like my nose isn't 100% straight or "i should be more tanned", so I was even considering getting a local photographer to get me over this hump. I just want to go on some dates and have fun, the sex is secondary at the moment and if that comes I need to be comfortable with the woman.

 

Might take you up on that at some point.

Haha, you bloody females have it easy

 

ok.. Had my first morning wood.. had a touch and good gravy... i was in the zone for 1 hour thinking of nice things and it didn't go limp not once.

I know I shouldn't, I know I know but i can't express how good it feels to just not think of p, not death grip. I guess this counts as edging but if it then whatever, i've never felt so confident now, I genuinely can picture myself with a female having sex without resorting to furious strokes or nasty thoughts.

20 days in and I can't imagine what this is going to be like a month, 2 months, 3 months from now.