reasons i watch porn

The world is not fair, therefore you don't have to punish yourself for whatever you think you've done or not done. You can just make your life better instead of trying to "even out the books".

 

And see that it's doing you no good at all and you deserve better for yourself. This is such an insidious addiction.

 

Also, you might want to look at this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negativity_bias

Negative events have a greater effect on us than positive ones, even if the positive ones actually are more impactful..

 

It sounds like you hit pretty low, I don't know your history on what you have done. If it's all sexual related then you most likely have a sex addiction problem. I would suggest trying to reach out to a physiologist that specializes in sexual addiction. A book that helped me is "out of the shadows" from Patrick Canes. It will help you realize that your not alone and maybe find the reason your doing these things. It took me over 2 years to get where I am, be true to yourself you can do it. Be honest with your Dr or he/she can't help you! Take control of your life one day at a time!