1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

A Streak, To End All Streaks, A New Nofap Journey, To End All Journeys

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by TheStreakToEndAllStreaks, Mar 12, 2016.

  1. Well its me, the old Failure_Is_Not_An_Option, the Burning_Fire_Of_Hope and the FailureIsNotAnOption2.0. You must be getting tired of all the new accounts. I can understand. But I promise you, I am starting a new journey, a Streak To End All Streaks! So, no new accounts. This is the journey 10 year old me wanted when he realize he was addicted to MO, that he had chronic masturbation issues. This is the journey I am happy with. I'm writing this at 20 to 8 in the evening, but there is a always a time for a new journey to start! I am going to begin anew, and I SHALL get past a week. Yes, that seven day PMO and abstaination cycle SHALL BE BROKEN!! Yes! This is a new start, a new beginning. This shall be the journey to change my life. When I look back on this, at the age of 20 years, 18 years or whatever, I shall thank 13 year old me, for starting this journey, this new adventure, this adventure that SHALL succeed, the tale of how I changed my life.

    Well, I guess I should, for one more time, tell the story of how I got into this PMO addiction.

    Well, somehow, at some point, when I was 10, I found about the word "Masturbation". Who knows how I found out. It may have been a YouTube video, a news article, but the darkest of things come from unknown roots, sometimes. The Internet had moulded quite a bit of my life at this point, so I began searching it up online. I found techniques, guides, all that jazz. Well, needless to say, I tried many of these techniques, none of them worked. Then, one night, late at night, I laid in bed and had my first MO. If only I had known what seeds it had sprung. I did it the next night. The next night. The next night. The next night. Every night I'd do it. I started doing it twice a night. Three times. Four times. Five times.

    Even 10 year old me started thinking it was a problem, even if a childish desire had driven him to MO.

    I started getting tempted to do it in the toilets in school. I never did, but the temptation started worrying my 10 year old self.

    At the same time, I found about P. It was the same childish thoughts, curiosity, the same roots that sprung the MO. I was in the same room as my parents, on my notebook, turned away from them of course, when I saw P for the first time. Even 10 year old me was disgusted. But, for the next month or so, I would regularly search up P, but then, I managed to forget about it and stop.

    At this same time, I began normalizing MO. I thought it was "Normal". "Normal" was a thing I was trying to be at that time. I was trying to be like my friends, but failing. So perhaps, 10 year old me that had turned into 11 year old me, thought it was a fulfilment of that. Who knows. When my parents were out of the dining room, where I would be on my laptop I thought "I'll have a quick masturbate".

    It was only when I was turning 12, about a year and a half ago, that I realized MO was a problem. I decided that I needed to kick this problem. I would get past a few days without MO, but then, gradually, I began seeing success. I began getting past five days and then six and then a week. I was inspired earlier by the fact I had kicked the habit for a month and a half, only returning because I had to "test out down there".

    But, by summer of last year, the habit became worse. I began masturbating more and more every day. At one point, 20 times a day. I also began to experience perfectionism. It started with video games, as I wanted the "best experience" and I would delete save games, because they didn't go right at first. Soon, that perfectionism would lead to many resets.

    By December, I had actually just gone on a two and a half streak. But, on the 18th December, I reset. 20th of December, I reset. 23rd December, I reset. 24th December, I reset. 25th December, I reset.

    Then on the 29th December, in the middle of the night, after the last MO spree, I searched up "Nofap". I thought it was a troll at first, but I began considering joining it.Then, I was on my tablet, at the middle of the night, and I signed up. I remember getting the welcome message from Alexander, the founder. Sure it was an automaton. But it inspired me. It made me feel hope, a burning fire, a light was lit inside of me. Finally, a solution to the chronic masturbation problem. I made my first newbie thread, then my journal post. I went to sleep, hopeful and happy.

    The next morning, I made my second journal post, and I also got a response from the forum user "Septimus". Well, I felt awesome. Day after day, awesome. But then, day five and six. I felt something was wrong. I felt negative and sad. Day seven, despite of jubilant celebration, reset. Not to be discourage, I got up again. Reset. Reset. Reset.

    I began putting P with my MO in my resets. Soon the P began getting more and more extreme. No new newbie and journal threads could solve it. I was relapsing and I was stuck in an abstention cycle.

    (I'm going to split this into two posts, I'll probably break the forum with such a large post)
     
  2. (Splitting this into two posts so it doesn't break the forum with its length)

    Soon, the abstention cycle turned from seven days to five, to two.

    Three days ago, on Thursday, after starting a new account, I reset. I gave into temptation and PMO'd. All night. I felt so depressed when I went to sleep. It was exactly like my last reset. I woke up the next morning, hating myself. I just HAD to give into temptation. All the circumstances were right. It was bright and shining outside, but I just HAD to ruin it by PMO'ing. I had to go to school and talk to friends, knowing I had PMO'd for three hours the night before. I felt terrible. Not even silent fantasies could give a temporary escape. I went home and PMO'd. I tried to do P-acts on myself 10 year old me would be disgusted at. I nearly got caught many times. Sometimes, a distraction would be a temporary escape, a random internet video to MO to. But, the fact remained, I had PMO'd.

    The next morning, I woke up, having not picked myself up. I laid in bed for four hours, before rolling and hitting the floor, sad and tired, self loathing, empty. Out of all of these things, the worst was confusion. Three years, I had been confused. PMO had made me try to be "Normal" around friends, gave me social anxiety in public, and generally, wrecked my life into a pit of confusion. It had tired me. I didn't feel anything. I just felt empty.

    But then, as I did my homework, I listened to inspiring songs. Then I realized "Hey! This isn't bad!". Somehow, an angel of mercy had made me magically start to feel better. I started swapping, wallowing around on the floor, to watching funny internet videos. Then, I told myself "I'm certain, at the end of the day, I can regain myself, and start anew!". I was slowly becoming myself again. I couldn't stay negative forever. That wasn't me!

    At 2 past seven, consideration time, I called it. I told myself "I have been PMO'ing for three years. I have been sad, depressed, tired, self-loathing, socially anxious, etc, in this time" Then I looked out of the window, to the moon and saw it gleaming. I told myself that was a light. A fire of determination. Something that was guiding me. Even through negativity, perfectionism, sadness, depression, it was guiding me towards a brighter future. I looked out of my window. That was a barrier. It was a barrier to break free off, to get to that brighter future. I had come so close to breaking free of it, but perfectionism had grabbed my hand away from it and made me PMO. But no more, I could break free of it. I COULD change my life. I COULD break free of PMO, break free of perfectionism, break free of silent fantasies, break free of social anxiety, I COUKD break free of all of this.

    Then, I ran to the bathroom mirror. I splashed ice cold water on myself. I shouted out loud "I am Alexander George Mckinnon Wallace. I choose to quit PMO, not because it is easy, but because it is hard. Because that goal will serve to change my life and make it better. I also choose to quit the other things not because they are easy, but because they are hard! I shall utilize that flame of hope, determination, willpower, morale, dignity, happiness, to burn a path into a brighter future, flying into it, hitting it with all I've got!"

    Then I ran to my laptop, deleted my old account, signed up for a new one, and read Alexander's welcome message, the same joy coming to me as on that December night. Then, I wrote that journal post, and now I'm here, writing this journal.

    It felt so good to finally be myself again.

    Well, what have I learnt from this? Well, I can't be negative forever. I picked myself out of my darkest moment. My darkest time. And I was finally happy with it. I had no perfectionist thoughts when I had problems making the account, I just laughed at them. Perhaps, that's a good omen. You know what? This journey shall be the journey I'm going to break free. I'm going to utilize that fire of hope and determination inside all of us, I'm going to use it, to burn a path into a brighter future. Then, along that path, I shall get rid of negativity, perfectionism and PMO for positivism, laughing at and learning from my mistakes and breaking free of PMO. I shall succeed.

    Because, in the end, this shall be the streak to end all streaks. The success that finally comes to improve my life

    And also, reset is not a sign of failure. Its a sign of a new beginning.

    I'll see y'all in my journal,

    TheStreakToEndAllStreaks, pushing forward, burning a path into a brighter future, and flying into that brighter future, hitting it with all he's got.

    Let's do this!
     
  3. rking

    rking Fapstronaut

    30
    14
    8
    All the best. Even I am new to these. Let's fight it together..
     
  4. finshaggy12

    finshaggy12 Fapstronaut

    27
    18
    3
    Op please stop. I don't wanna fap, you should be ashamed.
     
    Mainliner likes this.
  5. Mainliner

    Mainliner Fapstronaut

    25
    12
    3
    My butthole is starting to drip sweat.. It's making me get a chubby..

    Resist resist resist
     
  6. finshaggy12

    finshaggy12 Fapstronaut

    27
    18
    3
    Resist ! @mods delete this thread!
     
  7. Mainliner

    Mainliner Fapstronaut

    25
    12
    3
    I second that.. This is just to much for me to deal with
     
    finshaggy12 likes this.
  8. finshaggy12

    finshaggy12 Fapstronaut

    27
    18
    3
  9. What the heck is going on with everyone saying to delete this thread? Also, please don't use such over-descriptive language, it could trigger people...
     

Share This Page