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IMO The Real Reason Everyone Keeps Relapsing...

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Knight Solaire, Mar 22, 2016.

  1. Knight Solaire

    Knight Solaire Fapstronaut

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    Hello fapstronaunts, I am here today to discuss with you guys the real reason you all (including me) keep relapsing.

    This is a compilation of my year and half of Nofap experience and the actual facts compiled for such a topic.

    First off, I would like to say thank you for taking the time to read this. It means a lot that someone is actually interested in stopping the continuous relapses. My latest relapse was from 110+ days and it was to do a lack of confidence in the people who care about me and a lack of commitment on my part to come to them for support. I let my mental illness influence me and fell to impulse. This will never happen again and I'm here to tell you why.

    I know the name seems a little clickbaity, but I couldn't think of anything else to put, so I'm sorry for that. I hope my explanation is good enough for you to not feel cheated or manipulated. I also wanted you guys to know that if you are looking for an explaination on how to fix all your problems, this is not it. I am not here to hold your hand, so stop reading now and continue relapsing your life away.

    We are here to remove this addiction from our lives, so why do you keep going back to it? Well, obviously because you are horny, right? No! Your addiction has absolutely nothing to do with your sex drive, but instead feeds off of your emotions and mental state. It does this because you have conditioned your mind to do so. You have told your mind "if I'm feeling sad, depressed, lonely, etc., I should fap and I'll feel better!"

    This mindset has destroyed you. Porn isn't to blame. Masturbation isn't to blame. Your mind is to blame. You have skewed the way you see the sex you find attractive. You have skewed the way your brain registers sex in general. That is why you need to reboot. You need to separate your mind from getting dopamine from porn and masturbation. You do this by "filling the void" and fixing your life problems. Filling the void means to replace the need for porn in the moments of weakness for something helpful and useful in your life such as exercise, hobbies, career activities etc.

    These things have been said throughout the forum over and over. I've seen it, you've seen it, everybody should have seen it by now. I'm hoping that by making this thread and discussion, we can hopefully break through this ignorance barrier. Please, I'm begging you, please, stop trying to "just abstain from porn" and fix your life! You will never leave porn until you fix your life.

    The Heirs have a challenge currently to pinpoint the life problems that led to them using porn as a crutch. They must post about it next month, then post 3 small goals and 1 big goal to complete in April to help better their life and continue fixing there problems. They will show the forums what it means to break free. We will break free, but first we need to fix our life to make progress with our addiction. Everyone successful will agree. Your life improves, you don't need porn. Your life gets shitty, you relapse. FILL THE VOID!

    Thank you for reading. Questions and comments are welcome. :D
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2016
  2. kk76

    kk76 Fapstronaut

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    My mind is not the problem.

    Porn IS bad.

    You can do what you want in life. If you are still stuck in this addiction it wont be as good.

    Filling the void works early days but isnt a lasting solution. What happens if you get ill or have an accident.

    Long term my aspiration is to feel ok being me and not need to fix anything in life by porn, drink, food or spending
     
  3. Knight Solaire

    Knight Solaire Fapstronaut

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    Blaming porn for all your problems will only cause you to remove responsability. I didn't say filling the void was the solution, I said it was part of the solution. Fixing what caused you to turn to porn in the first place is the solution.
     
  4. drawoh

    drawoh Fapstronaut

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    I need some ideas on ways I can improve myself. Before I discovered I had a PMO addiction, I was addicted to drugs. And I was able to stop using drugs because I started going to the gym, started hanging out with more people (people outside the drug environment), started doing yoga.

    A lot of the things I see people do on this forum are things people have added to their lives to help them stop PMOing. However, those were the things I added to my life to stop drug use, but obviously I was still PMOing (didn't know it was a problem at the time).

    Anyway, what are some new habits I can add into my life?
     
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  5. kk76

    kk76 Fapstronaut

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    Its not to blame. Theres more than that. But in my life porn is harmful
     
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  6. Knight Solaire

    Knight Solaire Fapstronaut

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    I agree that it is harmful
     
  7. I'd absolutely agree with what you have to say. And more importantly, I think people use porn in such ways, because it's easy, accessible and there's always so much of it.

    After a long day at work, if you had to pick to rub one out or to go for a 5km run. I think anyone's choice would be to rub one out. But evidently that's ruining our lives. So I definitely agree, we really need to fill the void with something else!
     
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  8. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Good thread. I'd suggest that, given the nature of the beast, what's required is mental development. Physical interests are fine... but if you are wanting to get to the root of the problem, new intelligent, artistic and social interests need to be found which engage the mind. Why? Because this will in turn strengthen your rational desire [will] that, at the moment, is battling to take back control from the instinctual desires. It's also a re-focusing of your energy - from the physical or animal to the mental or spiritual.

    The activity of creating as opposed to the passivity of consuming. Sadly, near everything in our culture promotes the latter.
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2016
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  9. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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  10. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    I think that the point of the post is that many have underlying issues and porn becomes a symptom of the issue. People are under the mistaken belief that if porn is removed from the equation, then the underlying issue will simply disappear.

    But if you work on the underlying issues instead, there will be no further symptoms, thus porn will ultimately disappear.

    Unfortunately, in my case, I have to disagree.

    I had issues regarding loneliness, isolation and self-confidence. I started watching porn.

    I worked hard to deal with my underlying issues and I successfully overcame them. I could not ditch the porn habit. It continues to follow me. It follows me, even though I have a very good sex life.

    Porn is an full addiction, not just a symptom. To me, porn is just simply selfish self-gratification. I need to stop.

    I will stop!!!
     
  11. VictorDfrederick

    VictorDfrederick Fapstronaut

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    Wow that is so true Buzz. I felt like I was running away from my self. From responsibility, I was in total denial. My problem was lack of intimacy, and not being able to communicate my thoughts to other people I'd get frustrated and bam pmo. I found putting myself into doing things out of my comfort zone helped me, and is helping me.
    Just my opinion.....
    Vic
     
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  12. VictorDfrederick

    VictorDfrederick Fapstronaut

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    So true !
    Thanks for posting that.
     
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  13. kk76

    kk76 Fapstronaut

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    Plenty of people go and exercise after work rather than indulge in this.

    I did it to fix unhappiness, relieve tension and sometimes to relieve boredom or it was a habit.

    Seeing life is better without it. That helps
     
  14. Knight Solaire

    Knight Solaire Fapstronaut

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    You will never overcome your issues, you have find ways to cope with them that don't include porn. No one overcomes their issues, they simply learn to control them
     
  15. Knight Solaire

    Knight Solaire Fapstronaut

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    Meditation and mindfulness work wonders. Starting new or old hobbies back again would also be a good suggestion. I'd have to talk more personally with you to help you learn what you can do specifically
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2016
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  16. Knight Solaire

    Knight Solaire Fapstronaut

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    Thank you!
     
  17. Ledz93

    Ledz93 Fapstronaut

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    What is the one thing that if nothing else in the world mattered, you would like to do?
    Draw/paint, write, play music, hike, discover things? Maybe you'd like to travel, maybe conquer mountains, maybe dive deeper into the depths of the ocean than no one has ever gone? Maybe you'd simply like to read and to acquire as much knowledge about things as you possibly can!
    Find the thing that makes you absolutely the happiest you can be, something that you can spend hours doing without even realizing the time going by. Something that you would be proud to tell people "I am a musician, I love playing music I can't stop!" That's what you're looking for.
     
  18. drawoh

    drawoh Fapstronaut

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    for sure, i will msg you. i appreciate it! ^.^
     
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  19. The real reason is that First few days I didn't take this addiction as real, next few days I didn't take the struggle to leave it to be real, next few days I didn't take the challenge as real, next few days I didn't take my chances as winning as real, next few days I was doubting whether life was real, and whether there was a greater truth in death.
    The cravings are real, stop that. The change is hard, accept that.
     
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  20. Phibz

    Phibz Fapstronaut

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    Stop "filling" the void and start "feeling" the void.
     
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