(HOCD) I don't think I'll ever get hard to a woman (porn or not)

HOCD makes it so much harder. 9th day without porn, maybe this is the beginning of the flatline? or is it too early?
Now that I've thought about it, I always used my hand as a help to get hard, watching porn or whatever, I was always with the hand there, to get 100% hard... I simply don't remember watching a porn and getting hard without the help of the hand.
But, as it happens, I would get hard without the hand when thinking about gay stuff. And I actually remember this happening before all the HOCD stuff: I remember reading something and then somebody said something about a bigdick and when I pictured it, I would get hard. This was years ago..... I wasn't as deep in porn as I am now. Maybe I was 12 or 13 (I started with porn at 8). Maybe this means I'm really gay, after all. This is showing me that dicks turn me on more than boobs.

Boobs don't do anything on me right now. I can't picture myself getting hard looking at boobs. Some months back there, I would think "huh today I want to see some high quality boobs on my daily porn", but now they don't do nothing on me, and this is giving my HOCD so much to hit me.
"if you're straight, why don't you get hard to boobs? oh wait you always used your hand to force things, and you wont ever be hard on this again, just accept your gayness, you can get hard to dicks can't you?"

Is this all porn and HOCD doing?

 

I'm sorry if I'm bothering you guys posting the same thing over and over again.. it's just because HOCD is like a bacterium, it gets immune to whatever I use against it. It's not that I don't appreciate your answers and your support, but I always think "what if I didn't specify well enough in that topic, they must have answered wrong because of me, then I must create a new and more specific one just to be sure".
Any kind of reassurance I use is used against me some time later. A week ago, I could tell I wasn't gay because I couldn't imagine myself doing 'cute' gay stuff, only cute straight stuff like hugging in the bed or whatever. But now, HOCD kinda became 'immune' to it, I don't feel disgusted nor awkward if I imagine myself doing cute gay stuff, so this MUST mean I want to do this. This has not only happened with 'cute' stuff, I also used as a reassurance the awkwardness I would feel when imagine myself holding hands with a guy, having a family with a guy, going out on a date with a guy, the simple fact of being gay, the possibility of not having HOCD, etc. Now, all that seems possible and don't trigger any kind of disgust in me, like it used to do before. Right now, I'm imagining a perfect dude and thinking "don't you want to be his boyfriend?", I say no but there's no emotion backing me up, no emotion repudiating the possibility of being his boyfriend. It basically feel almost the same as when I imagine the perfect girl and ask myself the same question. All this emotion confusion, aside with the fact that porn probably destroyed my notion of sexuality is just too much for me, and I need something to make myself believe I'm straight.
It's like a cycle, yesterday HOCD was hitting hard on the sexual side of my brain, that's why I came here and posted this. Now that I kinda kicked HOCD off the sexual side, it's living again in the things I posted above, "you want to go on a date with a guy, don't you? you aren't even disgusted when you think about it". I don't have anything to tell myself "I'm not gay" but my past, if I lost my memory here and now I guess I would accept myself at least as bi.