I need help

are you angry ? Then you must release that anger ( in a healthy way of course )

punch a tree, listen to agressive music, learn a martial art, break stuff, scream. You'll probably feel tired afterwards, and when that happens, you'll no longer have anger within you.

Forget about the scar, either you own it, or cry about it, and let me tell you, my friend, that crying over it wont do shit.

So release that anger, and return to your path to pursue your objectives

 

Meditate; squat; deadlift

 

i used to have murderous thoughts before and it drove me crazy. i just wanted to kill him so bad, no i didn't want him dead, i wanted him to suffer the pain, i wanted to put him into the saw traps, tortured him, and felt good watching it.
i think those thoughts occurred because i hated myself, since i started to understand myself, not abandon him, then those thoughts disappeared 1 year ago. murderous thoughts went away and suicidal thoughts set in lol, but at least suicidal feeling was much less uncomfortable than murderous feeling which u said it gave us high blood pressure

i image there's a little boy inside, he was aggressive, he needs help. not punishment by giving plenty of relapses