Starting My Journey Today

Hey everyone. So I stumbled across this site through the organization called Fight the New Drug, and it couldn't have been better timing for me. See I'm a 21 year old who has never had a girlfriend, is a virgin, never even kissed a girl, and most of this is because of my secret and hidden shame of viewing pornography for the past 5 years of my life.

Things went from going good to awful when I started, and I have literally been in such bad places where I didn't care what happened to me. I was in a vicious cycle where I wanted a real relationship so badly, but because of my viewing, I had and still have an awful self esteem. I think I am ugly, no girl finds me attractive, and like such a loser even though I want a relationship so badly. This then compounded to feeling like a reject and returning to what was safe for me, and that is porn.

But recently I've begun to see the light. I'm not any of the things I feel like I am. Instead I'm believing lies that pornography has fed to me for years. And I'm fucking sick of it!! I'm sick of wanting a relationship but feeling too insecure to start one. I'm sick of feeling so ugly even though many people say I'm good looking. I'm sick of feeling like an incompetent noob when it comes to talking to girls, even though many describe me as very social and easy to talk to. I know all of this stems from feelings that I've acquired through porn, and I'm ready to kill this sick addiction in my life. It starts today for me.

If any of you guys have any success stories that would encourage me toward this journey, feel free to comment. I've heard my low self esteem and super low confidence can get better, and that talking to attractive girls gets easier when PMO isn't an addiction anymore, but I've not experienced this so I'm curious if it is really true. Is there hope that these areas of my life will get better? Please let me know.

Thankful for this community

 

Thanks so much for everyone's input. Has anyone ever literally hated themselves, how they look, then been clean to see that low self esteem change? I'm just curious cuz I'm in that boat right now and need hope that I'll see myself in a better light when this addiction goes away.