I need help I'm in a pitiful state!!!

I have come to realize that fapping has taken over my life in a number of ways. Theese areas effected by fapping;

→ My home life;
I was told to leave home because I was not trying to do anything with my life to better myself. I would just lay in bed and watch pornography for hours, then wake up and just lay there doing nothing until it came time to fap again. I seemed to only want fast foods and to eat high sugar foods for a quick rush it would give me. My family couldn't take it anymore and I was told to leave!

→Friends & Self Confidence & self esteem.
Fapping really took a toll here. I had isolated myself from everyone I knew and when I reached out after a long time no one wanted to know me. I ended up carrying on with PMOing. When it can to go outside I was really afraid of what people thought of me and wondered if I was behaving awkward if someone looked or stared at me. I don't know how to move on from that. Even when I am around women I am the shy guy who is trying to please the woman into liking me? I get the sense that I am too much of a feeler and tell myself there are emotional connections where there are no (the girl usual points this out or finish it or is really disrespectful to me) I feel like I'm am not a man! That I am just some helpless little boy that is clinging to women yo fill an emotional void. My once up & out beat confidence has been shredded, scrapped and torn. Women seem to walk all over me like this and I just let them? I don't know what I am supposed to do.

→My education.
I have been in college for the past two years and my final exams are in a two months time and I've ignored my study time to watch pornography and fap my life away. Kill me now. And I am sitting here now wasting my time depressed. I dont know to grow up and be a man and get past this? How do I deal with the worry and the urges to do other things when I should be studying. Like I have a 1200 word history project due tomorrow and I am laying down just waiting for the right moment to come. I waiting to feel good, I'm waiting to feel like I want to do it.

→Relationships.
Fapping and pornography has cost me many relationships with friends, family, professional and even with women! This year is my final college year and I am at the end of my term! I have met a girl who is in almost of my classes in the college and now I seem to be chasing her around because I'm really horny and I'm avoiding my studies and falling behind and failing!! I don't know how to stop myself doing this because each day it seems I am thinking about pornography or thinking about those around me who are dressed provocatively, like I day dream about the things we could do like the people in the pornography movies. I know this is so wrong I do and I want this to stop so bad. I just want to me a good student so I can learn the stuff and get my certification and go to university. But I don't know how to deal with all of this. Please help, I don't want to be this person.

→My financial self.
You guessed it I have no job we not anymore because I was missing day and showing up late. I fell apart. I'm in total disppear, I'm living in a homeless hostel for Christ sake. I just want to cry, but I'm sick of that as it's all I do angle nothing gets done!! I don't know how to dedicate myself to my studies each and every day. Like if I don't get my certification I will always be homeless and a bumb with no money and no success and I will have a shit life and no one will want me or want to help me because I can't help myself.
→My passions & desires to want more and a better life for myself.
I used to be so ambitious. I thought I was the best and had it all but now I have nothing and no one and the only thing that will change my life is getting an education because the economy is bad and there is fee jobs!!!! So they want really educated people and here I am with no education and I'm not even trying. I want all this to go away because I just want to do my studies. Please God. I need help!

It had infested and consumed my time in every thing in an invasive way. It has consumed my mind and body. My soul hangs on by a tread.

Here is a little about me I'm 25 and a student that is currently on DAY5 of no PMO and it is hard at times when urges come on. I am trying to keep myself busy in the gym to work on being a more healthier person.
"Your health is your wealth" was what my father used to say.
I am on here trying to seek some encouragement and support from you guys in hopes that it will help me change my mind set and move forwards in my life. I have become quite depressed since I've started on my NoFap PMO journey. I think I have become depressed because I've woken up to take fact I ignored all the signs of what I was losing in order to fap and being the addict I was I chose to fap? No that fapping and pornography has stopped I now see how much in ruin my life is and each day I now wake up and just lay in bed, my rooms a mess and I'm disorganized! I don't know how to get myself up and calm my mind to study. It seems I am so caught up by all the little things that nothing gets done. I'm alone in my life right now and I feel abandoned and scared and I don't know what to do?

Please you guys any help. Any advise and I would be more than grateful!!!!

 

Thank you for the comments and encouragement. I am truly grateful and I will pray for you both of you too. I am just in a tough place right now and I feel it can work out better if I put some work in and great advise to take cold showers, I used to do them before, don't know why I stopped though? They were great for waking me up to the reality of the world and kept my head clear! I'm going to start taking them again!! There is no way I could go home because since I've been out my father and mother have had other children i.e I've a step brother and sister I have to find my own way now which I can do!

And In my country we don't have a record? We just repeat the school term and try again if you fail?

I will forget about socializing etc and fix myself first be pretty cool yo have my own home yo go to with friends and the best way to get that is through doing well in my education!!!

Thank you so much for the advise its motivated me to do better and if I get like this again I can re-read the comments for a boost much appreciated.

Keep strong and keep the guard up people you never know when life will through a man at you

 

I'm in the the UK

 

Thank you for the hard truth brother, much apprecuated and yeah I've started to pray again since coming on here don't really know why I stopped but in all fairness it happened when I stopped going to mass because I felt out of place and as if I was always begging and never thankful and its really different to what I am used to, like the mass is said in latin? But I can pray and I will pray each night!! Ill say a prayer for all those on here. I am grateful for the advise.