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Ex-girlfriend put me down for doing nofap

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by mc_9393, Apr 6, 2016.

  1. mc_9393

    mc_9393 Fapstronaut

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    So after more than one month of not contacting my ex after we broke up, I met up with her a couple of days ago so we could talk. I wanted to make peace with her after our break-up so I wouldn't have to live on with bad feelings between us.

    I asked her to tell me the things she didn't like about me, and one of the things she mentioned was the fact that I gave up porn.

    She had a negative opinion about me giving up porn. She said that it's kind of weird that I was so different from other guys, and that I was being too extreme and too serious.

    When we were dating, I spent so much time telling her why I gave up porn, how this addiction made my life worse, and how I wanted to have a more positive image of women and live a happier life. And how much I've grown since I began this journey, and how much better off I am now than I was one year ago.

    After a lot of emotional pain from this breakup, this one thing that she mentioned is enough for me to realize that I'm ready to move on and find better people in my life.

    This NoFap journey is one of the proudest things I've ever done for myself in my life, if not the proudest. And someone who can't see that is not worth another second of my time.

    So good riddance to her.
     
    -Rix-, seth, TheAVExperiment and 23 others like this.
  2. Caveat Emptor

    Caveat Emptor Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Good for you.

    That's a very uncommon reaction for women. Does she watch porn regularly? Maybe she feels like by you quitting is degrading her own habits/lifestyle.

    Or maybe she's one to grow complacent and settle. Like, sh just wants an average guy, and a great guy, in the 10-15% or whatever percentage that don't watch porn scares her. I think scare is the wrong word, but I do feel like some people are hesitant to really strive, or are prone to self-sabotage, whether they realize it or not.

    But whatever. That doesn't matter now. If a potential partner tries to get me or you back into porn or doesn't support the decision to quit then they're not someone you want in your life. They'll only drag you down and prevent you from succeeding.

    So, again, good for you. Fight on. :)
     
  3. Polecat89

    Polecat89 Fapstronaut

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    You said exactly what I would have. If they won't support you through your proudest achievement then they shouldn't be a part of your life.
    You did everything right. She doesn't know what she's missing. ;)
     
  4. We're still at that time before the majority of society is even aware of the negatives of porn/too frequent M/sexual exhaustion etc. We're still being taught in schools that M is healthy and everyone should be doing it. So I think it's going to be a long time before most people understand the likes of NoFap.

    Plus, even though probably MOST of the world has some kind of negative PMO habit, for most people it isn't anything severe, i.e. they still have normal healthy lives and the PMO hasn't got in the way of that yet - they'd still benefit from NoFap, extra energy, confidence, more social ability, decreased anxiety etc - but they've never seen enough negatives from PMO to give a break a try, and so they can't see how it could be beneficial.

    It's like if you drink coffee several times a day every day for 10 years. You might not notice any negatives, because while a caffeine addiction has many negatives, they encroach slowly and subtly. It's only when you decide to quit, see that it's harder than you thought, and then see how much clearer headed you feel after a caffeine free month etc that you realise that the caffeine was actually causing problems. Sometimes it's impossible to see the issues while you're in the midst of it.

    So I wouldn't really blame anyone for not understanding or supporting NoFap. The general consensus we're being taught is that PMO is healthy - and until better education gets out there, we shouldn't blame people for not having taken the time out to go research it. It's a shame, but unfortunately there are always some aspects of public mainstream knowledge that are just flat out wrong, and need to be put right over time.

    If you're still friends with her, and want to explain it to her, perhaps re-frame it. Think of it like this, if SHE doesn't feel she has had any problems because of PMO (either because she hasn't yet, or the problems weren't yet bad enough for her to notice them as they came about subtly) then she must think you're somehow unusual for having problems because of P etc. So instead, re-frame it by showing her the benefits you've seen from NoFap. Tell her about the increased energy, confidence, how great you feel, how much less shameful you feel. Explain how orgasm saps energy much more for men than it does for women, and how NoFap has helped change you positively. If you focus on the negatives, only other people who've experienced those negatives will ever be able to see your side of things - if you focus on the positives, it may intrigue someone and allow to understand.

    Either way though, loving relationships should always involve an ability to understand even the parts of each other we don't agree with. So if she wasn't understanding your side and was holding it against you even after you explained how many problems your habit was causing you - then a relationship with her would just have been toxic until the end. Communication and honesty is key.

    Also, major problems for not letting her convince you into getting back into PMO! That takes some balls. Well done :)
     
  5. I don't think your girlfriend's reaction is unusual. Everyone I talk to about masturbation and sex seems pretty creeped out by it, never mind how frequently I masturbate and the efforts I'm making to STOP masturbating. Put yourself in the eyes of a person who has never dealt with PMO addiction or maybe never heard of NoFap. This is a very unusual, sensitive and in many ways taboo subject. So I would assume your girlfriend was just a little surprised that you (or anyone for that matter) would have issues with PMO addiction.
     
  6. Congratulations buddy.Now,you can move on to a better woman.
    And it's because of the people's ignorance that they don't realise the difference between What is pleasurable and What is Good.Good consists of both pleasure and pain along it's way.
    And This is a fact,a Fact,whom nobody can challenge,that the most depressed,sad,frustrated people in the world are no one but Addicts,addicts of every kind.Ask any psychiatrist,that the people who run behind only pleasure,giving up the good,are the ones who are most sad.
    And This is also a Fact,that the people who are running behind good,are the most happiest,peaceful people.People who Grow,learn,experience new things,increase their intelligence,keep themselves fit are much happier and have a greater scope of experiencing a higher taste of life.
     
    Placeholder, Polecat89 and mc_9393 like this.
  7. Porn Free Wanderer

    Porn Free Wanderer Fapstronaut

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    Often in life it's the people closest to us who don't want to succeed. They want you frozen in time, so you don't evolve. It's a bit like people who watch reruns of old sit coms. They like the fact that the characters never evolve and still tell the same jokes as before. This seems like another one of those cases.

    OP, you've been strong to go 80 days on NoFap, and you've been strong to push through this and move on. Props to you. You handled the situation very well, gave her a chance to speak about what was on her mind. Now it's done and dusted, you can move on to a better life.
     
    Placeholder and XPiRED like this.
  8. DYS1994

    DYS1994 Fapstronaut

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    She could have been a part of a master piece. But now she isn't. Welcome aboard friend. We're here for you and if you need help with a girl who is worthy enough to have you, we're here to help you. :)
     
    Placeholder and XPiRED like this.
  9. Alex10s

    Alex10s Fapstronaut

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    Why would you tell that to her?
    Cant you just keep it for yourself?
    Do you really need to tell everybody that you do NoFap? Dont u have enough support here?
    It was obvious that she would consider you a weirdo...
     
  10. "So good riddance to her."

    This made me laugh so hard. Good for you. Your values before anyone!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 17, 2016
    LtGen James, Temple and Placeholder like this.
  11. mc_9393

    mc_9393 Fapstronaut

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    lol maybe because she was my girlfriend and I trusted her to talk about these kinds of personal things? It's not like I did something crazy by telling her about nofap
     
    Placeholder likes this.
  12. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    You got CLOSURE and you can MOVE ON. I say congrats on that. Not many can get the proper closure and get on with their lives. So now you are truly liberated inside and out where she would not live in your head rent free. Which is very bad possible outcome. Now you can go out and meet and interact with other people that is if you are ready with nothing holding you back.
     
    Placeholder likes this.
  13. mc_9393

    mc_9393 Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate all of your guys' support! :)
     
    DYS1994 and Placeholder like this.
  14. SomeOneElse

    SomeOneElse Fapstronaut

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    From the title alone, I was ready to come in here and give you encouragement and re-assurance, but you did it on your own! Great attitude!

    If you're in a dark room, and someone turns on the light, it hurts your eyes. She probably enjoys the darkness and can't handle your light!
     
    mc_9393 and Placeholder like this.
  15. SomeOneElse

    SomeOneElse Fapstronaut

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    There's no reason to be so harsh. Let's support each other, not bash each other, please.
     
    mc_9393 and Placeholder like this.
  16. "Why would you tell that to her?" One of the (many) benefits of recovery from addiction is that you don't have to keep secrets. You can stop lying. It's an incredibly good feeling, isn't it? I know quite a few recovering addicts, and all of them would say that they would much rather tell the truth and lose friends, than hide the truth to keep friends.
     
    mc_9393 and SomeOneElse like this.
  17. @m2correi

    Well, the Ex-Girlfriends are usually weird.

    I mean, if you ask someone "who is hurt, probably pissed on you, possibly hurt you more than ones, sometimes intentionally", then I always wonder how many times do you get an honest answer which is supposed to "motivate the other person".

    I mean, the intention is good indeed but the problem is that people (especially ex girlfriends) are usually very emotional people.

    So they may use this opportunity to push the guilt on you.

    I have this foolish idea that when there is something bigger between two people that this should not be a problem. I mean you can have a loads of fun with someone without sex.

    And it can often be more satisfying than some short term relationship with a lot of bad sex.

    Keep looking and Good Luck!
     
    mc_9393 likes this.
  18. mc_9393

    mc_9393 Fapstronaut

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    Exactly, it's much better to spend time with people who support and encourage you to become a greater person, than with people who bring you down and make you feel small.
     
    LtGen James and Placeholder like this.
  19. DYS1994

    DYS1994 Fapstronaut

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    I think it's important that you told it to her. When you love someone you should be able to say things like this to each other and help each other. It's not your fault @m2correi :)
     
  20. Fabstronaut

    Fabstronaut Fapstronaut

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    308 days..Kudos man
     

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