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Story of a loser

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by ByeForever!!, Mar 24, 2016.

  1. ByeForever!!

    ByeForever!! Fapstronaut

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    Hey fapstraunots. After my previous relapse I'm going to now keep a journal log from here on.

    Now Mr.Loser will talk a bit about his pathetic life story.

    Born in a semi middle class family my parents always wanted to give me the best. They want out of their way to provide me with the best. Always.
    I always flunked in school poor grades coupled with my ADHD and badbehaviour put me on my teachers radar. Parents always warned their kids to avoid me. I was a last bencher & a serial masturbater and a true no lifer. But school is still fine right?

    Well.. now comes the tragedy. I entered college. I was living in a flat rented with a few room mates as college was in a different state. Living away from home gave me immense freedom and myparents could barely track my money expenses. My pmo habit got out ofcontrol.
    Within one month of college I was hooked on drugs. I got addicted to marijuana and remained high all day. Chain smoked over 10 ciggarettes per day.

    Well.. so what's wrong? So many stoners around.. why am I the loser?
    See here we go.
    I didn't have a girlfriend and I still don't. I only watched porn and that took over my brain. The social anxiety made me withdrawn from crowds. Alone in my room 24/7 Bunking lectures and being stoned.
    Marijuana increases you sensations×100. This applies for orgasms too.
    All I used to do was smoke it and masterbate over 5 times a day everyday for 3 years. I was addicted to that feeling. The orgasm felt ×100 times more intense and insanely long.
    While stoned on marijuana i could fantasize about anything. Anyone. Nomental barriers or guilt. Porn felt so real and good.
    In these three years I lost a lot of my hairat the mere age of 21, became a zombie.My brain couldn't function normally. I lost all my intellectual skills. Every money was spent into all this.
    I could never see girls as anything morethan a piece of meat to just bend over gape and sodomize.
    Obviously I failed college.

    I've decieved my parents so much. I feel suicidal about it. It's been 4 years since Ifirst went to college. I'm back home now studying hard and trying to clear my papers. Hopefully this time I can. I will improve and I will change. I will be the better man.
    I will again have friends. I will work my way back into life. I will never give up. I will make my parents proud and I willrespect women again for the beautiful beings that they are.

    Streak has been restarted.
    Please pray for me.
     
  2. AlmostRuined

    AlmostRuined Fapstronaut

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    Haha Marijuana has no addictive properties, only habitual. Your addiction is to fantasy and you've used porn and weed to fuel it. Stop the fantasies, start living for the first time.
     
    GREGOR hulse and kk76 like this.
  3. r8js

    r8js Fapstronaut

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    hello ,

    sad to here about u. but i m sure , ur daily log will help u and others .
     
  4. Okay mate,first of all kick out all those suicidal thoughts out of your head because "As long as there is life, there is hope" just like Stephen Hawking said it.

    Good thing is you realize how your behaviour is harming you and that you NEED to stop. I don't know much about weed and drugs ,apart from that to stay away from it and what's shown in the movies.

    This is just my opinion, but if you have been jacking off for 3 years for 5 times a day, you may have Sexual Exhaustion. That might explain the hairfall and intellectual problems along with impact on studies. The weed and drugs and porn obviously have their own impacts, probably way worse too

    However,if you have quit drugs for quite some time and are on nofap but still have concentration problems,feeling weak and lethargic all the time, i would recommend you to check out Sexual Exhaustion online. I said this only because i fapped for like 2 or 3 times for 3 years and started developing weakness,focus problems which impacted my studies and the only explanation i found out was that i had SE after a long google search. I didn't mean to add to your troubles and i added this only because i faced it, it doesn't have to be the same with you.

    Your past doesn't define you, no matter how bad. What matters is who you choose to be now. Never give up bro. Give up on giving up. You can do this!
     
  5. ByeForever!!

    ByeForever!! Fapstronaut

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    Thanks bro. I'll check out se online.
    Thanks for commenting :)
     
  6. wanabefree

    wanabefree Fapstronaut

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    Stop being so hard on yourself.
    You are not a loser.
    You just went through some rough waves, but now you just need to move forward.
    ;)
     
  7. WokeUp88

    WokeUp88 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man,

    Thanks for sharing your story. I can completely relate to using weed and porn together. It feels like the best combination at the moment. For me, weed reinforces the PMO. "No mental barriers"- I really get that. But the consequence is that I feel numb, nervous, and insecure afterwards. I think I could give up PMO, but I have greater trouble giving up weed. If I dont smoke, its really easy not to PMO. You've got a lot of personal insight. Keep your head up. You can take control and create something new for yourself
     
    ByeForever!! likes this.
  8. kk76

    kk76 Fapstronaut

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    The negatives need to stop. You are not the bad person you think you are.
     
  9. CaptinCaveMan

    CaptinCaveMan Fapstronaut

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    I agree with you about the "fantasy" part AlmostRuined. Fantasy is a easy trap for all of us to land in especially with todays technology. Although can't agree with you about marijuana not have addictive properties. It is a mind altering substance. People have made bad choice around getting it and using it. To the extent they have lost a lot of their freedom. Not everyone becomes addicted. Maybe about 10% and it may not be the underlying. Though I would find it more difficult to be high and try to stop "pmo".
     
  10. CaptinCaveMan

    CaptinCaveMan Fapstronaut

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    I just started this site the other day. I graduated college but I got fired from my job at the same time I graduated....ugh. It's tough. I had stopped drinking, stopped smoking marijuana, etc. I thought I was doing good. And in reality I was. I still haven't recovered from being fired from my job. At the same time I try not to be so hard on my self. We have the opportunity to explore an amazing life. I guess I get scared that I will be to tired to live it and spend all day in bed...ugh.

    I am working on new things. I get up in the morning and do a youtube exercise. It can be helpful. Be careful though! Some of the women dress like divas.
     
  11. AlmostRuined

    AlmostRuined Fapstronaut

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    Let's look at the science. There are NO chemically addictive properties like caffeine, nicotine, sexual fantasy, porn, alcohol ect... Weed is the most misunderstood plant in the world. There are correct, and many incorrect, ways to use the medicine just like any other drug or medication. If you're using it to fantasize and escape reality, you're using it in an unhealthy way. If you use it to process reality, it becomes a therapy and you will understand yourself and those around you better. I could probably write a book on how to and how NOT to use weed.
    If you were smoking and/or drinking before work....no wonder they wouldn't want to pay you.
    Don't beat yourself up, just pull yourself up and get back to work!
    In fact, I GAINED freedom from PMO addiction in large part to this plant!
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2016
  12. CaptinCaveMan

    CaptinCaveMan Fapstronaut

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  13. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    Dude,
    you are not THAT special. How many others did the same? Don't start counting please....you did fall in the same trap as others. Darn kids don't listen for shit and some like you lost some time of your life, but many others did.

    Get out of your cocoon, take your time, but stop the bad habits, get out have a bit of fresh air and do something you like.
    Don't do it for your parents, but eventually they will be proud of you.
    Find a job you like. If you study , do something that you REALLY like. Get out, meet a cool girl and have a wonderful life.
     
    ..Anna.. likes this.
  14. Lesoldat

    Lesoldat Fapstronaut

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    Good luck on your path to success. I'm sure you'll do great ;)
     
    FX-05 likes this.
  15. CaptinCaveMan

    CaptinCaveMan Fapstronaut

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    I don't remember pot feeling like taking an advil.
     
  16. skylar_legit

    skylar_legit Fapstronaut

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    you are not a looser,okay? so stop that stupid shit and stop being so negative. you have started your journey down the right path and be happy for that. you need a new name for this journey that you can call yourself. make yourself call you that name everytime you feel like calling yourself a looser.
    now what has been done,is done. you cannot change that, so forget stupid past, remember some important lessons from it and move on. improve yourself and LOVE yourself coz if you don't, no one else will.
    all the best for your streak and your journey in life..!
     
    Lesoldat likes this.
  17. AlmostRuined

    AlmostRuined Fapstronaut

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    Lol Why would it? They are different medications for different purposes. One is made in a laboratory with chemicals and one grows as naturally and as easily as a weed. In fact, it is as or more natural than penicillin. However, like all medications, it has proper uses and improper uses. We should be talking about how effective it can be for therapy, not demonizing it like war hungry politicians.
     
  18. CaptinCaveMan

    CaptinCaveMan Fapstronaut

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    I don't want to demonize it like the war on drugs by any means. I think it's wonderful that you are finding benefits from smoking Marijuana. Me personally I don't live in a state to where it is legal. So I'm not willing to risk my freedom to get high. Additionally it would not help me with abstaining from pmo. As far as it being addictive. You will not be able to make a proper argument as to it not being addictive to me and/or anyone else.

    Anything one uses has the potential to be an addiction. Someone masturbating for the first time or even several times doesn't mean it's an addiction. It becomes a pre-occupation; that interferes with ones life. People eat, drink, smoke, use drugs (yes marijuana is a drug), masturbate to avoid feeling certain feelings. Just suck them down. By avoiding feelings we don't allow our selves to grow or mature properly. We do not develop the ability to handle ever day life stressor's. We become dependent on other people to help us through our day, week, month or year.

    The goal is not to become independent it is to become inter-dependent. A balance between taking and giving in a healthy way.
     
  19. AlmostRuined

    AlmostRuined Fapstronaut

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    You're proving my points.
     
  20. CaptinCaveMan

    CaptinCaveMan Fapstronaut

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    What "points" are those?
     

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