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What is true happiness?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Namekian23, Apr 7, 2016.

  1. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    First of all, are any of you guys truly happy? Maybe and maybe not; that's why we're all on this website. I've never had a moment in my lifetime where I've experienced a happiness that has lasted for a long time, or just felt wonderful (other than my first kiss). I've always wondered what it's like to be happy in general. I can't even define true happiness because I've never experienced it. Although I see other people who seem to be happy all the time whether its their cheerful personality (like my coworker) or whatever...

    What makes you happy? For some, it's money, food, sex, power, etc. but it never seems to last does it? Even porn especially. Furthermore, some people have to work harder for their happiness (like me) while others don't do jack shit, yet they're still happier!! :mad: That doesn't make any fucking sense. I've done so many things to make myself happy: practicing religion, volunteering, finishing school, horticulture, etc. But I can't find that lingering feeling of inner contentment. Everyday I feel dull, as if life is boring in every single way.

    I also suffer much more than others. My best friend is recently in a relationship and things are going great. He's a high school dropout, yet he has a gf with a masters degree o_O Like I said, I've worked much harder than other people in every aspect of my life including school, work, fittness, etc. but I don't know why I'm not happy! As of now, I'm running out of options. I thought about moving out to live on my own or possibly having a gf myself. I just want to be happy, but I don't know what true happiness is or where to look. It's been 27 years and I'm still searching...
     
  2. Cat Lady

    Cat Lady Fapstronaut
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    I can relate to the way you're feeling. One thing that I realized was missing for me in achieving happiness was a good relationship with my family. I too am in my late 20's and didn't realize until recently how far I had drifted away from connecting with family over the past few years of trying to "work hard at being successful and happy in life." Spending a bit more time with certain family members has helped me tremendously in feeling better. Good luck to you!
     
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  3. Knight Solaire

    Knight Solaire Fapstronaut

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    Control = True Happiness
     
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  4. I define true happiness as a feeling that comes from inside your mind. It's not dependent from external things like GF, success in life, religion, money, food, first kiss, etc for it to exist. And neither it is gone when external things go down the tube. Because it's source is inside your mind. "Happiness" what you get from getting or achieving things, or becoming something/somebody, or doing something is what I call "pleasure", not happiness. Anyhow, that's my definition of it.

    I remember being truly happy when I was very young kid. Everything seemed so interesting and exciting. We did not had much money, sometimes there were nothing to ate, but I still felt great. Life was exciting. I had like no toys cos we were poor but I had still very fun time playing with what I had. As I got older I learned things, I started to have all those responsibilities and stuff. Suddenly you now have money problems and GF problems, and self fulfillment and purpose problems. Suddenly just being me was not enough. As I grew older I started to judge things as good or bad, I started to compare myself to others. I started to focus on things I wanted rather on things I had.

    Like they say in a song "now nothing seems as strange as when the leaves begin to change". I feel that way. I look at things and I see it through filter of my mind. Through filter of my judgement and experience. I rarely can look at tree in autumn and wonder about it's colors. The world seems gray and unexciting. I have experienced, seen, done so much that now all those things seem dull. My mind has been dulled down by life, just like it's being dulled down by P and old videos stop exciting you.

    I think the way of true happiness, and not just pleasure dependent from external things, is to work on your mind. Stop judging things as good or bad. Stop looking at things through the filter of the past or through imagination of future. We need to start looking at things how they really are and not how our mind interprets them. We need to stop being dependent from external things. Work hard for happiness? No, I think we have to let go and surrender instead. But that I guess can be very hard, I know it is for me anyways.
     
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  5. True happiness is intuitive. Subconscious. When you've achieved it you will know definitively. That being said - and this is just me - I'd rather be miserable but independent and financially success than happy with very low opportunity. Money fuels my self-esteem because it's the only thing I can control that benefits every portion of my life. I can't change the way I look but I can change the car I drive, the house I live in, the clothes I wear. And money is essential for THAT as well as our survival. So keep reaching for the north star.
     
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  6. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    Happiness is to be able to make abstraction of what's negative in your life and on this planet. It can be for a short period of time or longer, all depends on how good you are at being happy.

    Happiness is positiveness. It's finding enjoyment is simple things. It's also being able to extend the duration of those enjoyable moments.

    The pursuit of happiness is a great goal, but looking at how most people try to attempt finding true happiness via the "american dream" or something like that, the probability that you actually become really happy because you got a million bucks in your bank account is low. Cause not everyone will get the million $, no matter how hard they try.

    It's certainly not by having 2 cars in the driveway either (example).
    So, it's an "immaterial" source of diffuse pleasure and peace.

    The closest I get from being happy is when I achieve something other people notice, or when I'm fishing with the wife. Together, calm, on a lake or on the shore, listening to the water sounds and feeling "elsewhere". Until I get hooked at the bottom!!!!!!!!!!

    Thru work, I get moderately happy because of my performance and achievements, but its a never ending loop, as there is always something else to do, to work on. So if you love what you are doing for work, it certainly helps to achieve an overall better life in general, but it doesnt automatically leads you to happiness.
     
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  7. Not just you. If somebody would offer me the true happiness but in return I would need to give up all the earthly pleasures I probably would not either. My sense of self is too deeply dependent on those stuff. Good thing is we don't have to pick either or. We can work on our external life situation while also working on our inner self and our mind at the same time. Money, success and earthly pleasures are not a problem, it's dependency from it all what is a problem.

    I would even go as far as saying that self esteem is a problem and obstacle for real happiness. Not low or high self esteem, but having self esteem at all. When I was kind this was not a concept. I would play with a poor, ugly kid just like I would play with beautiful, rich kid and we would have fun. We didn't though about what we are worthy of. I didn't compared myself to him and felt worse. Self esteem is artificial concept that we learn as we grow up. We associate ourselves with external things. We think that those things are part of us. Part of our identity. You're the rich man with big house and fast car who wears Gucci. If that's gone the who are you? We lose part of our identity. That's scary. But i don't think that while our sense of identity is dependent from external factors we can ever be happy.
     
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  8. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    That's actually pretty interesting. For me, my situation with my family is the exact opposite. Even though I had a rough childhood growing up because of my dad, my relationship with all my family members have been pretty good. We stick together through the highs and lows, and always support each other. This is something I'm fortunate to have.

    On the other hand, it's not really making me happy. The reason is because even though I get so much support from my family, mainly my parents because of my medical illness, and dealing with family responsibilities, it's driving me to the point of insanity. I just want to leave the family, and live on my own just for a while. I've been around my parents for 27 years, while my younger brothers have the privilege to go to college. I guess happiness for me is freedom.

    It's not having to worry about my parents or vice versa, being able to do whatever I want, and not having to take on family responsibilities that have been put on me since birth. I just want to have some freedom, and besides a gf, that's one of the things I'm working on right now. I'm still unhappy, so maybe it's time I tried something new. But for you, you've already solved most of your problem. We both share the main concept which is family matters, yet our views on what makes us happy is much different, so it find that kind of interesting.
     
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  9. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Can you elaborate more please?
     
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  10. melancholy king

    melancholy king Fapstronaut

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    True happiness doesn't exactly exist. In order to appreciate life I believe it is imperative that one experiences the good and the bad, for if we were constantly happy we would never have any incentive to progress.
     
  11. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your insight. I don't know if you practice Buddhism or not, but much of what you're saying relates to him and his philosophy. Although Taoism and Confucianism are on similar grounds. That's why I really admire Eastern philosophy; they tend to help us focus on spirituality and finding happiness from within rather than relying on external stimuli. It takes years of practice. Being one with nature also helps calm down the mind and allows us to look deep within whereas being around science and technology, humans cannot achieve this deep understanding.

    Furthermore, this is something that I've been trying hard to accomplish. That's why meditation, spirituality, and being one with nature (that is being alone) is so important regarding these religious or philosophical aspects. To know when to be content, is perpetual contentment and is beyond worldly experiences. This can only be attained with the mind. I know I'm going off here a little bit, but we humans need to go back to this stage again. It's a shame how we're all lost in some kind of mystical illusion full of worldly pleasures like you've mentioned.
     
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  12. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I hear what you're saying man. Sometimes certain things help different people more than others. For me, money isn't so important as long as it keeps a roof over my head and food to eat. I'm more attracted towards sensual and emotional pleasures, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. It's only bad when it becomes excessive. I'm more a of people person as well, so having a million dollars wouldn't make me really happy. I would rather have a wonderful, amazing wife or girlfriend. One that can take care of me emotionally and physically. A soul mate if you will, and we'll love each other until we become old and frail. Apparently, I haven't found that person, and it's things like money and emotional pleasures that keeps us unsatisfied because we keep searching and searching, but we're getting nowhere. For you and I, finding that north star may come from within rather than from the outside.
     
  13. RisingPhoenix77

    RisingPhoenix77 Fapstronaut

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    No offense intended but Jesus is the only reason I'm alive!
     
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  14. One thing is for sure that:
    Which is temporary,won't be with you forever,will always give you nothing or only sadness in some cases if you look there for happiness.Something temporary can't give you Joy.It might seem like in the beginning that it gives joy,but in the end,it neither gives you joy or pain. For example: The good experiences you are taking with your family/gf/bf/S\O will be neutralised by the pain caused by their death/break ups/divorces/other problems.Every thing has to pass away someday,whether it be a living thing or non-living thing.If you try to cling on to a thing which might have a very long life than you,then too,You will end up being bored with it and in the end,the thing will be as good as dead for you.
    I'm not saying to renounce all these things.Rather I'm saying to stop Clinging around them.If your Wife gives you a kiss,then wholeheartedly accept it.What I'm pointing out is to Stop Wanting 'without any use',like Wanting things,actions without any real use.Useless desires will always lead you to pain and suffering.
    If we ever have to find true happiness,then we must understand that what is temporary can't give you eternal joy.Yes,Temporary things have their own use,for the sake of building peace and understanding in our life.But for happiness,we must cling on to something eternal,which won't leave us forever,something permanent. So,the search begins to find out what is eternal in this world ;) .
     
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  15. Rikarwb

    Rikarwb Fapstronaut

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    My brother, join the club
    You can't relate work to happiness. Yes, i know. Our parents always said " You need to work hard for your dreams"
    You know what i say to that ?

    Fuck.

    Because, some people don't do shit ( like you said ), and have everything.
    Yet some kids in africa walk huge distances to get a cup of water ( and are not happy )

    If I'm happy PMO, that doesn't require a lot of work ( or does it :cool: )
    If I know i would be happy touching Mars with my hands, i would have to go through school, college, get degree, and a shit tone of work to be an astronaut ... and i could die.

    With this i just want to say that you can be happy with little work ... and you can be happy with a lot of work. You just need to find what makes you smile. For me ( a 17 yo kid with social anxiety ) it's music. When i listen to it, it's like " Fuck everyone, I'm the king" ... I remember when i was younger i didn't listen to music because i just didn't like the general pop shit. Everyone loved it, but me. One time, my mom bought me a racing game, which had this song:

    It was so heavy, so energetic compared to what others listened to.
    And never in my life, it occured to me i could like the heavier music.

    So maybe you should try to find stuff that you never thought of. If wasn't for that game, i would probably ignore music by now. Maybe you should get your girlfriend and she can introduce you to new stuff :D ( who knows ... maybe you're the next big pornstar :cool: )

    Would be wierd a NoFap person become a pornstar ... lol.
     
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  16. Knight Solaire

    Knight Solaire Fapstronaut

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    Yes, of course.
    To iterate your points, mine, and melancholy's, IMO, true happiness stems from the ability to control things. A sense of familiarity, security, and trust in the things around you only stems from control of things around you.

    That is why it is impossible for humans to ever truly be happy. They work their whole lives trying to control everything until one day they either give up or become content.

    I can explain more if you like, but this is pretty much the tl;dr.
     
  17. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Nope, not offended at all
     
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  18. Rikarwb

    Rikarwb Fapstronaut

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    All respect to your religion, and all respect to what you want to do. Please don't be offended by this.

    I really hate when people say that. Wanna know why ? Because i think that you were the one who went through the shit, was your body who went through the shit, was your soul who went through the shit. You should thank yourself, you should thank your body, you should thank your soul for being alive. I just think that you could survive without Jesus, but you could absolutely not survive without a body or "yourself/soul".

    Again, keep doing you, just throwing my opinion out there :)
     
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  19. RisingPhoenix77

    RisingPhoenix77 Fapstronaut

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    No offense taken but this is true. I find that ultimate purpose, beyond even family is necessary to give me the motivation to keep going. I really had and have to hold on to the idea that my life has purpose beyond just existing. There is a concept known as "wounded healers" that I believe is a large part of it. I believe there is a good chance that all of us are here and have been through all of this in order to help others. No one else can be as inspiring and give hope as much as someone who says, "I've been there and I know you can do this" and actually has been there and been through the same struggles. Obviously, this website is a testament to that idea and many have benefited by others willing to share there stories and offer help.

    Thanks for reading and allowing me to share with you. I wish you all the best in your life and journey here.
     
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  20. LimitlessTman

    LimitlessTman Fapstronaut

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    The single biggest key to happiness is simply being someone who is in pursuit of a better version of themselves. I have learned the most from chronically unhappy people. They have common traits:
    1. They believe that life isn't fair.(It isn't but that is beside the point.)
    2. They believe that their circumstances are beyond their control.
    3. Because of #2 they expect very little of themselves.
    4. Because of #3 nobody else expects much of them.
    5. They never exceed what they or anyone else expects of them.
    Happiness comes from having high expectations and exceeding them. If we expect great things, we will make big promises to others and ourselves and keep them. When we trust ourselves and others trust us, we feel needed and we will joyfully pursue a higher plane of existence. This has just been my observation as I have watched some of the most pitifully unhappy people. Its not about goals or reaching them. Its not about bigger houses, faster cars, more beautiful woman, free love, money, toys, paradise destinations. It is simply being someone that you can depend on.
     
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