What do you gain from having casual sex?

Great question. I have to say it's never appealed to me either. Unplanned kids, emotional difficulties, being so intimate with a complete stranger all are complete no-go's for me. That said, I have plenty of problems of my own

 

emptiness, regret, emptiness, regret, emptiness, regret, emptiness, regret, emptiness, regret...
it's even more empty than pmo. do u what was my first feeling after getting out of the room? WTF did I just do? i had a unbelievable terrify regret, STD, HIV, ... . Other than that, money, time.... and even other than that, emptiness. a strange emptiness. right now i couldn't remember what happened, what did she look like, ... nothing.
never ever have sex with someone you have no connection with, unless it's free, however:

"sex for money and sex for free are different. sex for money is cheaper"

 

Pleasure ? Maybee...

I became addicted after my first.

 

Doesn't have to be just quick sexual release. It can be, but it doesn't have to. Sex itself can last for relatively long time, longer than it takes to get aroused enough to just finish. It can be prolonged sensual experience. Going slow, enjoying the touch, smell, skin against skin, looking into each other's eyes, talking sweet things into each other's ear and so on. Not only during sex itself but also before, in a flirting phase, and after sex. You two might be meeting for only one time, but that does not mean you can not talk about intimate things and get to know each other on a deeper emotional level, during those few hours. It might even be easier to open to total stranger sometimes. I think it's misconception that "making love" is a thing exclusive to just couple and that people who do one night stands just "fuck". You can have an empty (and I'm sorry for being so vulgar, and using this word, but it just captures the essence of what I mean so perfectly) fucking in committed relationship and you can make love with person you will never see again. It's really all about the connection and mindset, it has nothing to do with how long you have lived together or known of each other's existence.

Only objective con I can think of is risk of STDs. The rest is subjective. It's just a matter of your life views and values. A few of them STDs can kill you. But majority can just physically hurt you for a while. But hey, in the end of a day we all end up old with physically hurt bodies in one way or another and ultimately dead. In the end what matters is experiences we have in life. To me life is like a dance. I rather dance my soul out while I can and end up with broken feet than be too afraid to dance and regret it when I'm 80 with arthritis in my legs.

 

Porn was what a lot of us here used in order to satisfy a need of ours that wasn't being met, I like to think of it as a Band-Aid, without replacing it with other forms (whether it be with sex or drugs or socialization or whatever) it is likely that your mind wouldn't be able to truly get past porn. Casual sex would, at least, serve as a decent replacement from porn, wiring your mind towards the real thing and not towards pixels. Casual sex by its nature is said to make people become attached to one another, so although it might start as a one night stand it could possibly become more than that.

 

I think it depends. The question is to which extent you objectify the person you have intercourse with. If you objectify a lot, it's basically masturbation with a body at, well, body temperature. I don't think you should practice a lot of casual sex to cure your PIED or whatever.

You talk about mainstream culture. Mainstream culture changes over time. 200 years ago people were very confined regarding sexual freedom. Marriage was seen as holy and absolute, not only by the persons engaged, but also by the people surrounding them. During that time, having casual sex would have been a way of connecting with your more primitive needs and drives instead of suppressing them. Doing it could have been a way of being yourself and showing your middle finger to society's expectations. But of course sex can be addictive, too, and we might end up using it to fill an inner emptiness. It all depends on the degree!

 

My biggest motivation is I don't want to seem like a loser when I'm talking to successful, good-looking people. Getting laid isn't a primary source of confidence. But it helps. You can sort of tell which people have a regular, normal sex life, and which ones are closeted social outcasts. I want to be a part of the former.

One girl I work with - who has NEVER watched porn - is very assertive, very clear, and very beautiful. Girls like that, who are independent and driven, are attracted to guys that can match their intensity. In other words, they go after alpha males, not porn addicts.

 

I'm perfectly secure with myself. I just realize there are women out there who are out of my league. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to get those girls, whether it's getting a better job, getting more fit, developing my communication abilities. But don't get it confused. I'm COMPLETELY secure in my own skin.

 

I don't know man... different motivations work best for different people. I think who cares why he does it as long as it works for him and gets him to wherever he wants to go.

 

I think there's a nice middle way between casual sex and no sex, and that is just meeting, socializing and flirting with girls. You just enjoy their company... and if it goes somewhere, it goes somewhere. That somewhere may be a relationship, a friendship, or even a marriage.

 

Drinking will make you love anybody. Haha. But I'm not talking about "real love" when I am talking about making love or establishing deep emotional, or intellectual connection. What I am talking about is full conscious involvement with very high levels of awareness. With very high levels of attention to all your senses, and your partner's needs and responses in a moment. Of course state like that is hard to experience when drunk. That clouds our mind. It is also hard to experience if our mind is clouded with sexual desire. We need to be very aware to be able to look past that and not let that distract us. A lot of people feel the itch and they can't stand it, so they go and scratch it. This approach is not about it. It's about acknowledging the itch (urge) and not letting it take control of you, but take control of it instead so we can then sue it for our advantage - having fun. Not arguing, just clarifying further on my thoughts.

You find girls who have casual sex undesirable and untrustworthy because you seek monogamy. Which is normal and natural way how to think for somebody with your values. But market value, trustworthiness and stable relationship, I would argue, has nothing to do with monogamy. It has everything to do with your personal judgement, which you base on what you think and want. I for example hate beets, but that does not mean that they have less marked value, even tho I might feel that way cos I think they are disgusting. You also have your own subjective definition of a decent girl and decent guy, which you are basing on your subjective values and moral rules. Somebody with different values, like mine for example (monogamy in relationship is not high on my value list), might find girls with different values than mine to have less market value. Again, not arguing. And not saying that my opinion is better than yours, just sharing my opinion.

 

I think having personal values is fine. But like Buzz Lightyear said, you want to at least be socializing with girls. I'm comfortable talking to women even though I don't have sex that often. But I would assume my charisma and charm - which are already pretty high - would only increase if I were to start banging girls consistently and thoroughly.

 

a lot of relationships (serious ones I might add) actually do start out as one night stands these days, although it is certainly possible that you will never see the standee again, it is also possible that you enter into a long term committed relationship as a result of it. Just make sure the people you play with aren't already in a relationship (those will always be bad scenes) and you should be fine.

 

Thank you! =)

 

Just my 2c on STD's, always worth doing actual research. It's easy to buy into the idea that STD's are a big scary thing but the reality is they are not. It's quiet simple to avoid and in most cases not severely harmful like many would believe.

 

Pleasure, and it last longer then you think.
Real sex is not like PMOing, casual or 'intimate'