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I draw porn for a living ...

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by voodoojack, Apr 17, 2016.

  1. voodoojack

    voodoojack New Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone !

    So, here is my problem. I have a porn addiction, been watching it for way too long,got all the symptoms etc.... Fucked up my relationship as well, like many others.

    I REALLY want to stop fapping to porn, but the problem is ... Porn is part of my job.
    I'm an illustrator, and you might be aware of how hard it is out there to get paid for art. Unfortunately , sex pays, and i'm making a living drawing porn.

    So even if i stopped watching porn as recreational activity, i would have to watch it as a professional. When i use porn as reference material while making art ( it still art ;) ), it doesn't turn me on or anything, my brain is concentrated doing something else, they just become shapes and colors to me.
    But it's porn nonetheless. The whole research i do BEFORE i draw, this become problematic. Every morning i spend at least an hour looking at porn for reference material.

    I'm pretty sure i could stop masturbating for a while, and then learn to just do it without watching porn at all. But i wonder how it's possible while doing my job.

    Do you think it's possible ? Do you think i could separate both ? Can my brain look at porn just for the job, and not be such an important and crippling influence in my sex life ?

    Coupled with the fact that i'm a heavy smoker and tend to hit the pub way too often with the lads, my sex life is a apocalyptic wasteland. I need to get my shit together.

    Damn it's nice to talk about it, been keeping this to myself for way too long ...
     
  2. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    Hm... I find this very difficult. I wouldn't know, right now.
    It's good you shared your problem, though.
     
  3. roadtorecovery

    roadtorecovery Fapstronaut

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    Porn is porn. I`m not sure if you could separate the two between work and "recreational" time. Viewing porn is what leads to everything else. You could stop masturbating for a while, which would be step one, but if you are viewing porn, then you are most likely fantasizing women while you masturbate due to porn. It almost sounds like you are trying to excuse your addiction with work. If you truly want to get your life back on track, you will need to reevaluate your priorities and go from there.
     
    JonathanDoe and Dizzy Lotus like this.
  4. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Most artists don't draw porn to make ends meet, so neither do you. If you want a sexual detox you need to find other work.
     
  5. voodoojack

    voodoojack New Fapstronaut

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    (sorry i don't know how to quote ... )

    I don't actually fantasize women, i fantasize the sexual act as a whole, but really in the end, i don't see women as objects or fantasy. I'm not trying to excuse anything, i'v been addicted to porn for a long time, and i just found out you could make a living out of drawing adult art. So i did. And like i said, when i work, it's just work, and i enjoy it the way it is, i'm getting paid to draw all day long. I'm just wondering if i can do that while trying to stay clean on a personal level ...

    IGY:
    Most artist don't draw porn, i know that, but a LOT of artist don't make money as well. My goal is to find mainstream jobs in illustration obviously, but drawing porn is easy money, and it's either that, or getting back to my bartender job, and i don't want to do that. Maybe i'm not skilled enough for mainstream jobs ? that not the point. I just want to keep doing what i do, without being crippled by addiction. And i just wondered if it was possible. I'm probably the only one who can answer that question really...
    At the moment finding other work is hard, believe me, i tried.

    But thanks for your quick replies and input, it makes me think a lot :)
     
    BismaBRJ and Dizzy Lotus like this.
  6. roadtorecovery

    roadtorecovery Fapstronaut

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    What is your motive here if you don`t want to quit porn? Because I promise you cannot separate work and play in this area. Fantasizing in any manner is what you are trying to get away from if you want your sex life back with another physical human being. You say you are not trying to excuse anything, but you are. We always try to excuse ourselves until we realize the change we need to make in our lives. I promise. If you want change, don`t come on here and not listen and then expect results, because that is not how life works. You have to change yourself, if you want to see change!
     
  7. roadtorecovery

    roadtorecovery Fapstronaut

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    I am not trying to be rude, but this is a lesson I have had to learn. True change in our lives comes within us, not friends, family, people on NoFap...real change comes when you accept that your life is so crappy or you are where you don`t want to be, that is when you truly decide to make a difference in your own life.
     
    BismaBRJ and (deleted member) like this.
  8. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    I am not going to begrudge you for what you do for a living. Some people have questionable occupations (such as a tobacco farmer, weapons manufacturer, etc.).

    However, if you are becoming addicted to the product you sell, then the only way to overcome addiction is to rid yourself of the product. For you, this would mean a job change. For example, you would not be able to quit using ecstasy if you were selling ecstasy.

    But as someone who "draws" for a living, I am sure you can market your talent and draw something else for a living that does not have a negative affect upon you personally.
     
    BismaBRJ and Dizzy Lotus like this.
  9. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    You have experienced first hand how destructive porn is. Why would you want to contribute to it?
     
    Dizzy Lotus likes this.
  10. traveller22

    traveller22 Fapstronaut

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    Hi voodoojack.

    Thanks for your honest question. There are a number of questions that your post raise in my mind:

    1. Can you honestly detach your mind from what you're looking at & view porn purely as work? - I am highly doubtful that this is possible, given that you are a man with a PMO addiction. It's a bit like a recovering weed addict who is also a journalist, having to smoke weed for The High Times & review various strains.

    2. Do you want to be contributing to the porn industry? - Porn addicts might be getting off on your artwork. You need to be comfortable with earning money from porn art, with that in mind.

    3. Has PMO affected your relationship & do yo want to fix it? - If so, I would suggest you give serious thought to your answer to question 1.

    As a musician who is recovering from PMO, I would be unable to make soundtracks to porn movies, if it required me to watch porn. Even if I didn't have to watch it in order to create the music, I would not be able to do so for a variety of reasons.

    I could see great benefit for your recovery & your relationship, from sacrificing the income from porn art, getting a bar job - or other revenue stream - continuing to work on your art & going from there.

    It's not healthy to make money from the very thing you are addicted to & want to recover from.

    All the best as you make your decision - we're here for you.

    T22.
     
    BismaBRJ and Dizzy Lotus like this.
  11. Brandon Johnston M.Ed

    Brandon Johnston M.Ed Fapstronaut

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    I haven't read any of the replies. So I apologize if I am reverberating with anything that is being said. I have counseled with hundreds of drug and alcohol clients. Your predicament is nothing new to anyone with addiction. Unfortunately, nothing I or anyone here can offer input on what you should or shouldn't do, as we cannot see the world through your eyes. Some people seeks validation on a decision they have already decided on, I hope you would really reflect on what you ultimately decide on.

    With that being said, I want you to reflect on this job, really reflect on it. I want you to rate it from 1-10. 1 being absolutely no way you would relapse and look at porn if you kept the job. And 10 being absolutely you are 100% going to relapse if you keep the job. I assume because you are questioning if it is possible to keep this job that your answer will not be 1. Now take your rating, reflect on that rating. Ask yourself is it worth the risk of relapsing? Is it worth all the negative consequences of looking at porn, not having satisfying relationships? Only you can answer this.
     
  12. Phycodylic Gum Leaf

    Phycodylic Gum Leaf Fapstronaut

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    Well I met a guy that draws hentai for leisure. I hope he doesn't turn out like you.

    1. Keep searching for another form of work. Be it drawing different things or a different occupation all together. If you get a job that is even a little bit worse then I would take it as the benefit of not watching P (P = porn btw. Just censoring of certain trigger words.) would greatly help your rehab.

    2. Your going to take longer than others because of your job. I wouldn't stop P @ the beginning. I would try and reduce the time your on for pleasure.

    3. Try watching a different type of P your not that into. You'll still get the pleasure but just less of it. The trick is to moderately reduce the fun you have, then start stopping for a week, then month, then 90days etc.

    4. Also try and remind yourself that what your doing is bad. Taking a break in between faps and reflecting on what your doing is great to fill yourself up with shame and regret.

    Please keep us updated about how you do. Your situation is especially difficult and unique. I wouldn't quit the job if what you say is true but make small steps & goals to slowly adjust. You will have to quit your profession. At what time is up to how you adjust and your determination.
     
    BismaBRJ likes this.
  13. Phycodylic Gum Leaf

    Phycodylic Gum Leaf Fapstronaut

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    I personally believe this to be false. In our society we have a lack of value for the arts. We favor construction, The sciences (science, social etc.), maths.... you get the point. Yet the amount of people that learn the arts is far too great compared to the demand our society provides. As a result you get cheap art with an oversupply of artists fighting for the relatively few jobs available.

    The school of life explains this if you want to know more (sorry for the code. I couldn't get the player to work):
    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    I don't blame him for staying in his profession but I agree that some change would probably be needed. I say probably because you never know he might get off P while drawing P. Anything's possible. Lester city is top in the EPL with a 1 ion 5000 chance @ the start of the season. My country won gold at Salt Lake 2002 in the ice skating race because 1/2 a dozen competitors fell over :rolleyes: (Steven Bradbury was the guys name).
     
    BismaBRJ likes this.
  14. traveller22

    traveller22 Fapstronaut

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    Hi again voodoojack, a few questions I forgot to ask:

    Do you watch porn videos or look at images when you're doing your art?

    Are you copying images/frames exactly, or just looking for inspiration/somewhere to start?

    Thanks,

    T22.
     
    BismaBRJ likes this.
  15. Phycodylic Gum Leaf

    Phycodylic Gum Leaf Fapstronaut

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    @traveller22 he looks at porn for pleasure but when his working he looks at them for inspiration and research. He says he sees them as just lines and color while working.
     
  16. traveller22

    traveller22 Fapstronaut

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    @Phycodylic Gum Leaf, I appreciate that he looks at porn for pleasure & for work/research. My questions are aimed more at the details. As they say, the devil's in the details.

    @voodoojack, can you give us more detail regarding your creative process? For one thing, I'm wondering why you need to watch so much porn in order to get inspiration.

    Thanks,

    T22.
     
    BismaBRJ likes this.

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