What does healthy sex look like?

I think sex without love is OK. In fact, I think it would be hard to develop real love for someone without having sex first. I know this varies for other people, based on religion, ideals, mental health, bonding patterns, and compatibility with partners.

I think casual sex is OK too, BUT not if it is risky or takes up too much time/effort.

How regular sex should be depends on the needs of both you and your partner. I would like to have sex at least a couple times a week.

I think fetishes become harmful when you cannot enjoy sex without them.

 

This is something a high-end escort told me once:
With your soulmate you don't have sex, you have intimacy. You feel connected to them, it is just you and them nothing else matters. It's a meeting where you celebrate your love and say to the other "I finally found you!" with your body.

 

@sense ,
Healthy sex, for me, is when both partners equally want/need it. I'm married so I know about that part. Not taking position reference sex without love.

Healthy sex is also frequent enough at least once or twice a week.
I have a few fetishes, but my wife doesn't ask questions about them. I wish she would. So to me, even if I have good sex with my wife, I wish that she would give me a little fetish fix. So I'm not "healed" 100%. I have a shoe fetish, and she knows. She just decided that she won't help with that. I bought her heels, but wont wear.

But sex is still very good now that my mind is clear from porn. I don't watch it, I don't think about porny stuff. So sex is more "honest".
I like to stay in bed with the wife and talk/cuddle after sex. We feel connected.

 

I do not know what healthy sex is but I know what is unhealthy and what I did for years.

Not sure on fetishes. I think it's about where they feature, if part of something fun and loving and you both consent then so be it. Mine involved being hurt or humiliated and I could not carry that on but I could do it in a way that was about fun or sensation.

 

Yes, best to have no desire. That way you can't be expecting stuff that doesn't happen.
This is what I think about fetishes.
If it makes you sad that you can't fulfill, ditch the fetish (a lot harder to do than to say). And for the ones that NEED the presence of the fetish to get aroused, well they have to ditch the fetish in order to be able to "real sex" and get a good E without the requirement to bring an inanimate object into the bed.

 

Dude. Dont give up. You are a wonderful human being and it really shows when you ask for help/guidance. I myself have struggled with PMO for many years. MO'ing every day for years and years. I never realized it was a problem until I got a girlfriend. My advice. Keep up the good work. Don't be discouraged when you fail because every failure comes with a lesson. And you can learn from your mistakes. Every time you want to PMO. Just realize your brain WANTS the rush. But you yourself don't NEED it. If you feel like you can't go a few days without doing it. Maybe an accountability partner would do well. Find someone to talk to when your feeling discouraged or you feel tense. I know that helps me when I'm feeling my blood pumping. And lastly, when your having cravings, KNOW that it will pass as long as you distract yourself from the problem. I like to walk outside and take a few deep breathes. Just say no my friend. Stay classy.