Trans and Confused...

Hey everyone,
I saw the TIME Magazine article about porn and a little lightbulb went off. Now I'm here. Finally got the gumption to sign up.

I'm transgender. In my case, this means I'm flooding my body once a week with a wave of testosterone. Over the course of the week, the amount decreases, hence the need for weekly shots. This has caused some days of ridiculous PMOing and some days when I am not interested at all. Overall, however, my hormonal transition has contributed significantly to my PMO problem. I chalked up my low self-esteem, confused sexual feelings, and transient anxiety to dysphoria and the transition... but reading that article made me realize that PMOing and the absolute disgust I feel afterwards is an addiction I am now facing and one I need to extinguish.

I hate the way I feel. I can no longer imagine myself in a sexual relationship without feeling discomfort and anxiety. I have had to result to nasty, fetishy P in order to achieve O, and it clouds my mind and makes me uncomfortable at all times. I want to achieve a normal, realistically intimate life with a person someday and I feel as if I cannot do it unless I give up PMO and rewire my brain.

I have hope. I see all you out there riding the same bus and helping each other up as you fall off. I think I can do this. I am already two days in. Wish me luck!