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Is porn the problem or is it masturbation?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by meth42, Apr 19, 2016.

  1. meth42

    meth42 Fapstronaut

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    When I am watching porn with my girl, I don't find it to be destructive, it actually spices up things and makes our sex life more satisfactory.

    What really pisses me off is when I masturbate to porn (that is if I am alone) and that is what I really find destructive, the masturbation, not the porn.

    I know watching porn is what lead us to masturbate and because I am still living alone, if I could, I would probably stop watching porn for now. But if I was living with my gf 24/7, I would not stop watching porn.

    Thoughts?
     
    franco216 likes this.
  2. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    The problem is the porn!!!

    If you are an addict, then porn will always be destructive. You do not need to watch others having sex to have a satisfactory sex life yourself. Porn to the addict has no redeeming value whatsoever. You are a man!!! You do not need a screen to tell you what part of your anatomy goes where. Besides, your woman is real. She responds to you. Porn is all choreographed and fake.

    The porn is causing you to masturbate when your girlfriend is absent. When addicted, your body does not care if you live with your girlfriend and are getting laid often. Porn keeps saying, "Watch porn Now! Masturbate Now!"

    In fact, porn becomes even more destructive when you move in with your girlfriend. You will need to hide it from her and make up lies as to what you are doing with your computer/tablet/smartphone. Your honest relationship will turn into a relationship of lies and deception. This is a recipe for disaster.

    Imagine the terrible feeling of your girlfriend all dolled up for sex and you cannot perform because you have already orgasmed three times that day in front of your laptop. How do you answer her when she asks you why she cannot arouse you anymore? What do you say to her when she starts blaming herself because you do not get it up for her anymore?

    Stop with the porn immediately. Buy some lingerie. Try it on the kitchen table if that is your fancy. Read a book about positions if necessary.

    You and your girlfriend will be far better off without porn.
     
  3. Magor

    Magor Fapstronaut

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  4. traveller22

    traveller22 Fapstronaut

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    Good question. From my POV, if you feel crap about M, then that's a great reason to kick it out of your life - NoFap is great for helping you achieve that.

    If you are watching porn with your partner, that's going to be wiring your brain in certain ways, despite the fact that she's watching it with you. That will make it much more difficult to not PMO when she's not around.

    If I were you - I'm not - I would be looking to cut out PMO out entirely, including watching porn with your partner.

    T22.
     
  5. Ack Ack Ack

    Ack Ack Ack Fapstronaut

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  6. IamMike

    IamMike Fapstronaut

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    I always get a little annoyed when people come on here trying to justify porn use etc.

    Porn doesn't spice anything up. It pulls you (with your girlfriend) into an over stimulated fantasy world that desensitizes you and kills your ability to have great natural sex, which is actually amazing by the way when you're both staring deeply into one another eyes instead of at someone elses fake asynchronous tits.

    Really .. if you guys broke up. How are you going to sell porn use to your new girlfriend, especially if its a "girl next door/good girl" type and you really like her?

    I'm looking out for you here bro.. dump the porn.. dump the masturbation... rediscover one another the way nature intended.
     
    Adria, Purps, wj2727 and 5 others like this.
  7. CaptinCaveMan

    CaptinCaveMan Fapstronaut

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    Pmo has grown into such a sensitive issue and it is extremely personal. I tend to go by research reports. Research supports that 95% of men have "m" and suggests that the other 5% lied. It doesn't report how often. So we have to look at other research for married couples and they report having sex once to three times a week. This however gives us a loose outline as to how to address a sex life if your single. Big problem! People that are single don't like to talk about not having a sex with another person (Ted Talk by Gary Wilson is helpful). Why is this? In my opinion we are shamed to a degree by our culture.

    Our biology tells us we need a mate. If we have not learned skills as to how to get a mate. What are our options? pmo! If our one mate doesn't want to have sex. What are our options? Find another or pmo. Pmo is the grey area in a relationship yet important to talk to your mate about. If one plans to have a long term relationship. When I was in high school one of our teachers got all the guys together and told us we needed to relieve that tension. We all laughed a little but at the same time he was a cool teacher and this info (nofap) had not been researched at that time. Plus their was no internet either.

    For a lot of us we need to spend time discovering that area of our lives. Finding out what is okay and what's not okay. Doesn't matter if your married or single. We all have boundaries as to how we like to be treated by others, how we treat others, and most importantly how we treat our selves. Checking in with your self is important. Does "m" feel bad because my friends would make fun of me. I feel like I'm cheating on my girlfriend or is it bad because of a feeling or action that I did while "m"?

    When I first started pmo I was not comfortable with it at all. Then I felt it was okay. I didn't have the guilt or shame over the years that I had earlier in life. I felt normal. Now I think it is taking up to much of my time and distracting me. So I'm attempting to take a break from that. So instead of pmo I come on this site and write long blogs. I check in with my self from day to day but it's not the end of the world if I pmo again. Some people go through a check list of what's okay for them to do. For examples, magazine pmo is okay but not internet. Once or twice a month is okay but no more. Sex with multi-women is okay but no pmo. The combinations are limitless.

    Fortunately or unfortunately God gave us "Free Will". "Free Will" is the greatest and most confusing gift one will every get in life. Understanding it and enjoying it can be a combination of pain and joy rolled into one. Life is a wonderful journey of experiences. And this just happens to be one path to where every your going.
     
    wj2727 likes this.
  8. Toven

    Toven Fapstronaut

    Issue is porn. Does this really need to be qualified?
     
    Adria and ijcmartinez like this.
  9. Decoder™

    Decoder™ Fapstronaut

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    Masturbation, it's the way your mind tries to escape reality. Through the orgasm.
     
  10. Imsensitivebenice

    Imsensitivebenice Fapstronaut

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    Honestly, I don't have a problem with porn. It's the M I have a problem with. I used te be addicted to drugs, and I see that I have an addiction to M.

    I feel bad, I feel rejected, I want to sleep, I want to turn my brain off, I want to feel numb, blah blah blah. I'll use M as an easy fix so I don't have to deal with anything. So I don't have to deal with myself, my thoughts, my emotions.

    They say that M is natural, and I've been using it as self gratification. My whole life revolves around it. So, porn isn't my problem. I do find that I'll bring porn into the picture, but the root of my issues are the M side of things.
     
  11. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    I remember reading a study a long time ago, where the scientists inserted an electrical sexual stimulation probe in rats. The jolt, causing sexual pleasure, was triggered by having the rat stepping on a metal plate in the cage. The darn rats would O until death from exhaustion.

    I remember being really tired and PMO'ing overnight until the sun came back up. Then in my late 30's and early 40's, I've been known to PMO' until past midnight, during a regular work week. My wife going to bed earlier and knowing/suspecting what I was doing didn't go well.

    I'm glad to have stopped PMO and MO'ing completely for over 100 days.
    Right now, I'm typing this from an hotel room away from home and I don't even touch myself. I'm too afraid to relapse, fall in PMO mode and start losing my Es again...an pissing the wife off until she sex-starve me again out of frustration.
     
  12. Imsensitivebenice

    Imsensitivebenice Fapstronaut

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    Man, over 100 days, that's great. I'm not there yet, making the choice that this streak will lead there.

    Stay strong :)
     
    Yogibear2016 and SMK like this.
  13. roadtorecovery

    roadtorecovery Fapstronaut

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    Porn is easy to quit, masturbation, on the other hand, not so much. As we both know, masturbation in the context of marriage is not bad, if that is what you and your spouse do together to please each other, go for it. However, when we take something that is God given and created and distort it to please ourselves, then there is an issue. Sometimes just sleeping is better than not giving into the temptations. It will be difficult. It will not be easy. And frankly the withdrawal symptoms you will face suck. They suck a lot. But we will get through it @Imsensitivebenice. One day at a time...cause that is all we are even guaranteed, the time we have before us.
     
    wj2727 and Imsensitivebenice like this.
  14. silenteagle

    silenteagle Fapstronaut

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    Porn ruins sex life soon..so stop watching porn.
     
    Adria likes this.
  15. Porn Free Wanderer

    Porn Free Wanderer Fapstronaut

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    If that was the case, we'd all masturbate without porn and have 500 day counters.

    I'm one of the old school guys who went through teens and early 20s without the Internet. Yes, I did begin to masturbate without porn, but the frequency of MO was never what it was with porn. Without porn I'd MO maybe once every few days. I got my degree with a GPA of 6.2 this way. At most I'd have 3-4 orgasms a week.

    When I discovered first magazine porn, and ultimately internet porn, it was possible to have 3-4 orgasms a day. It was when my fantasies started to escalate in darker porn, and porn that didn't match my sexuality. Oh sure, I used to fantasise in my teens as well, but those fantasies were never as dark or violent as the shit I got into through porn.

    Heck, there are even doctors and medical professionals who say that occasional, infrequent MO might actually be healthy. It's important to note here that these are people who have made their lives about studying this material, it's not some piece of "bro science" that I picked up on an Internet message board. I've never heard of one study suggesting porn is healthy, but I've found plenty to say that it's not.

    So while everyone's experience is going to be slightly different, I'd say that in most cases, what we're addicted to is the "high" that porn gives us. The incredible bodies, the unrealistic sexual situations, the acting that shows people appearing to be constantly orgasmic. This is what causes us to masturbate way past our bed time, it's what causes us to miss work to stay home and PMO. If it was just MO, I'd do it for maybe 10 minutes, then get up and go do something else.
     
    wj2727 and Nouvel Homme like this.
  16. Porn Free Wanderer

    Porn Free Wanderer Fapstronaut

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    If it's all about watching porn with your gf to spice up your sex life, then why do you watch it alone at all? I think there's more to this problem than you realise. More to the point, would the masturbation (the bit you find so destructive) even be there without the porn? Perhaps you need to give this some more thought to find the real problem.
     
    wj2727 likes this.
  17. motivation

    motivation Fapstronaut

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    What you describe about jerking off several times and then not manage to get hard with your girlfriend is absolutely true.
    I've experienced that and felt so ashamed to see her blaming herself by my fault.
    It's time to stop all these stupid addictions!
     
    wj2727 and Veritech like this.
  18. Why watch porn with a SO? Can't say I've ever understood this. The "spice" is coming from watching others have sex, and not focusing on your SO.
     
    wj2727 and Veritech like this.
  19. Anukaran Sharma

    Anukaran Sharma New Fapstronaut

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    Right bro
     
  20. SMK

    SMK Guest

    Remember : Porn is the reactant and masturbation is the product. Even sometimes porn acts like catalyst.so,don't say that ur problem is M and not P.
     

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