15 Days into Reboot. GF Disappointed.

Yes. Be patient

 

The progress you are making is not measured by your sexual performance. Although it is the obvious symptom, it cannot be the sole motivation for getting PMO free. And your emotional health cannot be tied to your sexual performance. Yea, it sucks when you can't get it up or when it deflates... and when your opportunities for sex are limited and you have a subpar performance that sucks too. Besides, morning sex can be risky at times because some of us are less sensitive in the morning.

Anyway, is your GF aware that you are recovering from an addiction? When I was hiding my problem from my wife and I had a subpar performance I was terrified that she would guess or discover that I had a secret that I was hiding. Since I've been open and honest with my wife during my reboot, the fear of failure or discovery has disappeared. And if there is a subpar performance then it is not such a big deal and we just try again later.

Remember, you are not doing this merely to improve sexual performance. You are doing this to become a healthy and whole human being. Recovery doesn't happen in a day or a few weeks. It's a gradual process with periods of sudden improvement and parts where improvement isn't readily seen. Don't use your sexual performance as a measuring stick for progress or you will be setting yourself up for disappointment.

 

I have had the same problem. A lot of times when you are just into the reboot, 15 days would qualify, you will have trouble after a day of sex. You shouldn't stress yourself so much on it. Does your gf know about your pmo addiction?

 

I haven't told my wife but I have been with her for a long time as far as before we were married and just gf and bf so I'm not sure how it would go. But if you haven't been with her long it might go well. A lot of times I have heard when you and your partner work on it together and it work very well. If you decide to tell her you should both learn everything you can about this addiction. One thing that I have realized is that it was not my fault I got addicted, no one knew it was bad. But now that I know, it is up to me on what to do. So, where I end up, is my fault. But definitely don't measure your success in this by sex or how many times in said period you can have sex. It will come back to how your body is supposed to be, don't stress over it.

 

Not sure if you've disclosed your PMO issue to your gf yet, but if you haven't, re-consider whether or not it would help your cause. This is particularly true if you have an insecure gf and/or you find yourself in an enmeshed relationship with her with poor boundaries. As someone who struggles with PMO and has this relationship dynamic with my gf, I can say that it only makes things more complicated.

However, if you see your gf as someone who is supportive and secure in her own self, disclosing your NoFap goals may be helpful to you in your journey.

 

Masterofmyblaster may have a point, it is another reason I haven't told my wife. She has certain insecurity issues about her body that she has had for a long time. I am into psychology and my wife and I were talking about addictions one day how they start so on and so forth. I was testing the waters. I told her some people say that porn can be addictive, she was very much against that. So You really do need to feel her out first.

 

The 12-step programme suggests that someone in recovery go through a number of steps/stages before telling their significant other.

If we tell them too soon & they can't handle it, we've just dumped a big problem onto them. The urge to confess is very strong in a lot of recovering PMO addicts, but should be resisted in most cases, until there is some good news - improvement in the relationship, some clean time achieved etc.

Once the partner knows, it's on their radar & if the addict doesn't break the habit, the pain will be great for the partner.

Sometimes the noblest thing one can do is fight the battle in private & wait for a level of mastery to be achieved, before confessing.

Keep going - you're doing great.

T22.

 

Hey there movingmountain. How far into your reboot are you now? I'm guessing around 30 days if you haven't relapsed. If so, don't be overly concerned about your erections.

You had plenty of wood when you got together with her previously, so it's not like you've developed a serious issue or anything - it will return. It's easy to underestimate the effect PMO has on our brains - the biggest sexual organ in our body. Things are going to wax & wane over the next few months, so the more you can relax & just go with the flow, the better.

How did your girlfriend react to you not getting hard? I'm guessing she was a lot less concerned than you. My advice would be to keep going with your reboot & when you're with her, concentrate on her & just enjoy your time. We all want fantastic wood & being able to go all night long but man, we've gotta be able to not be so serious about it.

The wood will return!

Regarding telling or not telling her about your reboot/recovery, that's obviously up to you. It depends on the type of person she is, how serious about each other you are etc. If there is a risk of her freaking out, that's going to make your recovery that much harder.

You're doing great - stick with it.

Strength!

T22.