Tired of being tired,fixing my ED n my life!

I'm sooo disgusted with me, not even from a spiritual standpoint.
I'm just tired of slowly leading myself into more suffering and complications.

I was doing well last time I visited here, sometime in march of last yr.
but i relapsed ONCE,, and I opened some type of flood gate man. I can't believe how much time I've wasted.

I'm pretty sure I have a type of ED.
I lost my virginity, to another virgin, my gf of several yrs, in feb'16 toghether since i was 19, im about to be 23 in a few months.
but my issue is, is even when I lost it, it was so much different than I expect it to be.
I noticed i only can finish when she does something I watch often, or is doing something specific. I spend more time thinking of stuff to help me finish/enjoy than enjoying the intimacy.

I would like to vent to her about it, but this isnt something she sees as a vice.
she stopped herself long before we started being intimate and it was so easy for her.

Im also drained and devoid of energy, im already a 4hr tops sleeper, with occasional sleep paralysis issues so, with me using PMO to go to sleep when i dont im usually up like an owl.. it makes me sleep so much harder, i miss alarms etc, or i could be up during the day and be fine but ONE yawn,. and im totaled for the rest of the day.

im just ready to gain control of my life. lose some weight, go to college, and become a succesful trader alongside my dream of traveling dancing/teaching/battling!

so i MUST MUST start somewhere!

but i need help

 

[QUOTE="also with the sleep problem have you considered seeing a specialist?[/QUOTE]

I have seen a few, Some have suggested meds, but some of these meds go against what I believe in.
I'm a dancer, I love to battle and create choreography . Dance is therapeutic for me some of the suggested meds if not all of them have emotion suppressing and or veggie like side effects. i don quite agree with that since my best choreo and or freestyles/battles happen when i let my emotions flow freely, whether its anger sadness joy etc.

 

So as an update I've vented to my gf about my problem, and the resulting talk was just,.. wow,.. it kinda sucks alot.
Basically she was explaining how even from small things etc she gives 100% but she feels as if I'm not into it at all.
I understand her standpoint because lately i haven't been able to finish when we're being intimate and that in itself really feels bad, it feels as if im dissing her... by choosing the net over her. Tonight we drove around town and talked about how things we're today. The longer the talk went on the worse i began to feel. She seems to understand this even though she's never heard of ED and we resolved the talk by understanding that in order for me to be passionate again i need to cut off any thing else that would distract me from this wonderful woman I've spent 2 yrs with. so with that, im resetting my counter, and this time im not alone with this fight, so i feel alot more determined. to Fix my ED and grow closer to the girl i love!