Escort Danger

I'm glad you didn't go through with it.

Let me tell you something NewBeginning. Let me tell you something that is terrifying in it's truth. YOU are in control. Always. You have never been helpless. You have never been been without power. You are never "stuck", fate is a fallacy. You become what you decide to become! IF you don't like being a leopard, become a lion! Rip the sexual thoughts out of your head with the force of a thousand burning hearts!

You are in control of your destiny.
Make the decision to succeed now.

 

Unfortunately for me, I did manage to actually go through with hooking up with an escort on three occasions.

I am happily married and so far my wife has never found out about what I've done. She knows I'm addicted to porn and masturbating and she's very supportive with me in helping me try to break this addiction. I think she suspects that I've gone further, but we've never had that discussion and I'm not sure we ever will.

I'm also fortunate that I haven't contracted any major STD's and passed them on to her. For the record, I did use protection each time, but we know that's not always 100% accurate.

But the reason I'm telling you all this is because I was just like you. When I found out how easy it was to arrange. One text or phone call and you can get pretty much whatever you're looking for. The websites are like a goddamn menu and that just inflames your fantasies and fuels your compulsion to try it. You rationalize like crazy and you think you're going to have your own, incredible porn movie experience.

You won't

Each time, it was awkward, cold, mechanical and afterward I left feeling dirty, ashamed and empty both in spirt and in my wallet. (it is an EXPENSIVE habit too!) After each one I thought "I'll try just one more time, maybe I was just nervous or something". I'm not saying they didn't make me "O" but I realized that part of what I love about sex is the intimacy, the closeness, the kind of closeness that I have with my wife. I'm just not that guy who can have random sex without SOME kind of connection.

And THAT'S how this thing gets you. That "just one more time" mentality. If you don't stop it's ALWAYS going to be "just one more time". So for God's sake, don't even start.

Your post sounds just like how I felt when I first decided to try this. At first I just fapped all the time fantasizing about doing it, never thinking I would actually go through with it, until of course the curiosity became too much. Trust me, the reality will NEVER live up to your fantasy and you're going to be chasing that "perfect" experience forever because...it doesn't exist.

I don't ever want to encourage anyone TO fap here, but seriously, if you ever feel that urge like you're that close to crossing the line, quickly go in the bathroom and rub out a quick one. As soon as you "O" rationality suddenly comes rushing back in and you'll be like "I can't believe what I was about to do!". I know because I've done that. It's kept me from misbehaving several times since my last encounter.

I do think though once I get PMO out of my life, the urge and curiosity to experience other things will go away with them, because ultimately, PMO is what led me to them in the first place.