A Site that Kinda Disagrees with NoFap

PUA stands for Pick Up Artist. These are men who claim to be experts at seducing women and boast about how many they've slept with. Their business plan seems to "teach men how to score". Of course, there's never any way to verify if they've really slept with as many women as they claim, but they (like the porn industry) are making a lot of money out of our attachment to sex.

 

The article has a good point regarding the underlying reasons for our addiction.

For example, if someone has social anxieties and is using porn, one must address the social anxieties as well as the porn use. If all you do is try to refrain from porn, but fail to address the social anxieties, you are doomed to relapse. The guilt of the relapse leads to more anxiety, which leads to another relapse and so forth.

I agree with the above premise, but I do not think that it applies to me personally. I have overcome the social anxiety and loneliness side that lead me to my addiction. The addiction to me is just like cigarettes. It does not matter why someone started smoking. You just need to quit. So I think that NoFap is a good fit for me and the aim for abstinence from PMO is a laudable ambition.

The next item discussed in the article is the Counter. I have changed my counter from the usual counter. I found the counter helpful when my streak was high. "If I relapse, this will be costly". But when the counter was low, "Who cares if I relapse? I will simply reset by counter from 4 days to 0".

But I had said often, the most impressive statistic in all of Baseball is Joe DiMaggio's 56 game hit streak. In 1941, the Streak gained national attention. DiMaggio even won the Most Valuable Player (MVP) award that year, despite Ted Williams having a .406 batting average (the last time a player ever hit .400). Joltin' Joe's streak gained no notoriety when it was a 10 game hit streak. But the streak had to start somewhere before it became impressive.

 

you are a newcomer in noFap...so don't be hopeless yet...let's wait and see...

 

I agree with MOST of what was written in that article, but most of it is not in opposition to NoFap. That's a marketing angle, because the site is trying to sell books and software.

That site has limited utility because of it's very nature, but there are several points in that article are something I think the NoFap community should focus on more.

1. Superpowers are a placebo, and should not be some sort of goal.

2. Porn addiction is usually a symptom of other problems, not the root cause of the problems. You can't break the cycle until addressing the underlying issues.

3. Relapse is only really a problem if it leads to binging and/or despair.

 

"Superpowers are a placebo, and should not be some sort of goal."

Agreed. "Superpowers" are bollocks. It's a return to normalcy. How normalcy was ever dubbed "super" I'll never understand.

"Superpowers" are a simple reclaiming of what you are naturally imbued with.

 

I can only speak for myself, but for me, it doesn't really matter why. I got addicted to P because I was a curious, horny adolescent who had time alone and free access to the internet, and the PM behavior was very effectively reinforced by O.

The 'underlying issue/root cause' is a very Freudian idea. Sometimes there is none. Even if there is, we are often times stabbing in the dark when we try to account for the underlying issue.

In the case of PMO, for myself anyway, I am much more inclined to see it through the lens of behaviorism. I do it not because something that happened as a child or because of depression or social anxiety, but because it is a reinforced behavior chain, similar to gambling, except with PMO, you "win" every time.

NoFap's value I think is to help disrupt the antecedent --» behavior --» consequence cycle that makes PMO so addictive.

I think that for some--not all--things, the why matters less than the what.

 

I think Freud thought that if you figure out the "why", you would get insights into your issue(s) and get relief. I don't think it gives you much relief though.

I suppose you could say to yourself, "I'm only getting an urge because X happened to me when I was fifteen (or whatever)". Maybe it would help stop the urge. I don't know.

Probably better to just put the past behind you and get better habits.

 

I think that for me--again, I can and will only speak for myself--that rather than probing my subconscious for root causes in the form of previous traumas, I find it more useful to ask myself what functions does this behavior serve for me? What are other more productive/fulfilling behaviors that can serve those functions for me?

Again though, I want to emphasize that I am not saying I am right or that others with a different approach are wrong. Ultimately, what matters is that the narratives we tell ourselves to make sense of the world and our role in it work for us.

 

In your case, I guess the "why" would be "because it felt good, so I kept on doing it again and again."

But I think most of us (certainly myself) have become hooked on it at least in part because it becomes a coping mechanism, it brings a sense of relief. It probably started off as normal, health masturbation, but at some point it began to replace actually dealing with problems, at the same time it caused more problems.

What this really gets at is the people who think their lives will dramatically improve once they get rid of PMO. Well no, if you've got other problems, those problems will still be there when you quit the PMO. You need to find some healthy habits to replace the bad habits.

 

For me, PMO is/was a reaction to something around me, particularly anxiety and loneliness. The author seems to imply that just changing behavior does nothing if you don't change your mindset too, which I def agree with. But what if changing behavior is the catalyst that equips you to change your mindset? I think that's what it's all about. We don't know what we're capable of until we change our behavior. We learn things about ourselves and grow. If you're an alcoholic, you don't wait until you understand why you're an alcoholic before you stop drinking. You stop drinking and learn to deal with the triggers that lead you there. Really interesting discussion for sure!

 

I totally concur!!!

 

My ultimate goal is to be free from porn and restore sexual health. I'm married, so I fortunately have a built-in way to meet those those needs once my reset is complete.

Generally speaking, I think the point is to reset our mindset so we're not addicted to PMO. I imagine your likelihood to completely relapse and stop trying declines after a period of consistency. In other words, you ultimately replace bad habits with new ones and stress outlets with more fulfilling ones.

 

"when for example 90 days of abstinence ate over, where do you go from there"

This is exactly why for me there was no quit for 90 days. When I quit, I quit. Period. No blocks of days.

The mindset of my life depends upon this was what I locked into my head. Because it did depend on it. My SO was leaving and taking my newborn son. I could stop this useless, needless, tosser behavior, or I could watch my life walk out the door.

 

I realized that trying to quit for a few months or a certain number of days didn't really help because I would quit but after I quit I would go back and porn binge and eventually masturbate along with it. This is why I plan never to set a target of days because right now I just want desexualize my life for good and so far it seems to be working.

 

Hey @TheSumOfAllBeers, how is porn addiction like as a man, I wanna know how you got caught up in porn, as a young man myself, I'm only 16, I just wanna know, is it different for men than it is young guys?

 

Mate, what I would give to go back in time to be 16 like you and have stopped then. Please, do everything you can to stop. Don't waste 17 years with this swill like I did. You'll never get that time back and you'll regret it always.

How did it start? Age 10, summering at my grandmother's house. I was being a snoppy arse and found my uncle's magazine and vhs stash. Sadly my uncle was a bit of a freak, my exposure at 10 was to straight, les, bi and trans. All summer I viewed that trash, not quite understanding it, but knowing it excited me terribly. From there I started with tv back at home for the next year. I removed the parental chip from the sat system, stayed up late wanking my sleep hours away.

At 12 I got the net in my room. From that point on it was oblivion. Absolute void. I was sucked in and lost completely. I skipped school, I lost friends, I gained weight. I didn't care. Nothing else mattered.

I had pied by age 16. Only I didn't know it. I thought it was normal to have to force a hard on to happen with your own hand. Can you believe that? Old man cock at age 16 in the prime of youth. Tragic. My teen years are a blur of lost opportunities, lost jobs, lost experiences because of it.

At age 22 I met the girl I adore. She's everything to me. Perfect in every way. I chased her relentlessly and by age 23 she was mine. I was convinced once I had her, all this barmy porn and wanking would stop. It didn't stop. It doesn't stop.

At age 27 while she was pregnant with my son, her good grace with me had run its course. We had quite the row. Her ultimatum "grow up, man up, or get out. I'm not raising this baby and you to boot. I'm done" was the pitcher of ice water in the face I needed. What was I doing? Wrecking my life, breaking my cock, hurting her, ruining a child's family before it's even born? Never had I been so low as the full weight of it all fell upon me. That was March 10th 2015. I haven't touched porn since. I'll never touch it again. I'd rather dine on dog shit.

The result of me quitting? I feel good about myself. I excel at my work. I'm a good father. My cock works like gangbusters. I lost 30 pounds without even trying. I like people for being people now and don't view them as wank fodder. I'm effortlessly honest, I've nothing to hide! And I strive everyday to give back to her what I took. My love, my respect, my all.

Mate, you've got your whole life ahead of you. Don't squander it wallowing in sewage...live it!

 

Every site that disagrees with nof

Wow P really messed you up, I'm glad you found the power within yourself to fight your demons, I wish you continued success mate.

 

Thanks, I will and am heeding your advice