I don't know how to feel about PMO anymore.

Is it possible, that your just thinking about it wrong? That perhaps your mind is fully rebooted, and yet you haven't accepted it?

I've noticed an enormous amount of disdain for all forms of porn since I've joined this site, most of it I think is completely unwarranted. The overwhelming majority of the population views porn regularly (with a noticeable gender disparity though), and yet its likely that the majority of porn users never acquire the same sorts of extremes that we might.

My point is that anything that someone becomes too dependent on for all of their troubles ends up being a problem in one way or another, porn is largely just a crutch people use whenever they get too horny or bored or sad or whatever, and it did that very well, too well in fact. It is unwise to blame the problem on porn, for without it, the world might've been a worse place overall. In order to truly get over this, it is imperative that we see it in a more objective sort of way, it will make things more clear and help us overcome our problems.

As for you @fennofir I went through something very similar to you, however maybe a little bit later on in my life (I started getting into it around your current age, oddly enough). In fact, my profile pic is from the very same artist that made the furry porn I once looked at (okay, this is a lie, I still have problems with it...), I use it both as a way to remember my past, and as a form of irony. Where we differentiate in is exactly how we think of it. I have no problems whatsoever with owning up to my more deviant self, at least to myself, I'm a furry and what of it? There are tons of furries out there man, not saying that you necessarily have to attend conventions or look at the porn, but almost every single person you will ever meet will have strange, unusual, and downright disgusting (sexual) tastes, to completely disown that side of you is one of the cruelest things you can do to yourself. Just because you have fetishes or kinks doesn't necessarily mean that porn is responsible, many of them predate ancient times. Many would link the whole furry movement (the relative speed at which the community has grown and everything) to things like Disney movies and kids cartoons, so in one way or another you likely would've ended up that way.

It is likely that just PMOing once a week would eventually result in a full reboot, I have noticed that even now my penis functions better than it once did, anything is dangerous in large enough doses, moderation is key.

 

Hey @fennofir,

You know I have never felt like there is a moderate amount of crap that I want to consume in my life. I know that the whole world uses porn, the whole world used to smoke, have slaves, and exterminate species. So, I wouldn't use the rest of the world as my guide, maybe I'm just a rebel. I won't say everyone is addicted to porn, but if you feel like you are "doing something that is pointless and abnormal"; then stopping is a good choice. Beating your head against a wall feels pretty good when you stop.

Anxiety is a tough thing to fight, but there are some tools for that. I know that I used to freak out in some crowded areas and anytime there were crying children or unexpected loud noises. I have gotten much better.

Keep fighting man, you have a very good streak going. I don't know that I ever saw PMO as a problem when I was your age, but then we didn't have the internet, iphones, or light bulbs back in my day (we had light bulbs, just telling you I am older).

 

You've come a long way. Try not to measure your success so much in how you feel as in how you act. As for wanting to masturbate again to be 'normal,' Why bother? Masturbation has been a big part of why you have the troubles you have now. Masturbation is common, but it isn't normal. It's fake sex, and completely unnatural and unnecessary.

The next piece of advice I have for you may make you roll your eyes, but please keep an open mind.
I have found that prayer is my greatest weapon against loneliness, anxiety, and pmo. It offers me comfort and strength when I don't think I can go on. Just say a prayer. If you don't do well with improv, take a scripted prayer like the Our Father, Hail Mary, etc. What have you got to lose?
You can also try going to church once or twice to see if you like it. Personally I would suggest a Catholic Church. You can also get involved in a youth group at a local church. You will be surrounded by people looking to lead good lives, who have no interest in encouraging you to return to an addiction that has hurt you. On top of all that, you can normally get snacks at youth groups and donuts after mass (at least at Catholic churches, I can't say anything about others.)
Here's a link that tells you basically what to expect if you go to a Catholic mass http://www.wikihow.com/Visit-a-Catholic-Mass The only thing you really need to know is that you can't receive Communion as a non Catholic. You can either stay in your seat, or if you get swept up in the line, cross your arms over your chest so that your hands rest on your shoulders and keep your mouth closed. This will be taken as a signal to just give you a blessing, or you can walk right past at that point.

Religion and reliance on God has brought me a great amount of healing. I think that it could do the same for you if you give it a shot. Like I said earlier, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Give it a try.

 

@fennofir you just made my freaking day. Good for you man. What kind of support do you need?

 

YAY for the 15 year old!!! You got some wisdom in you, man!!!

I was wondering about that 'everything in moderation.' ("Cocaine, too?" crossed my mind) Interesting advice to give a person whose already said PMO was ruining his life. Seems to lack understanding or maybe he didn't really hear you.

But great comeback, young man. I will remember this moment for a long time to come!

 

I will tell you from the other end of life why it is bad. Some people will tell you that we are sexual beings, we are not we are relational beings. We just enjoy sex when few other species do. Porn broke my ability to relate to other people. It caused a lot of damage and almost ruined what is now a 21 year marriage. Real women will admire you as well. They won't feel like they have to compete with a fantasy.

Also, something your friends probably don't know is that based on a recent survey 87% of all porn stars would leave the life if they could. If porn is so great why would the stars want to leave? Why does it say if the could? Can't they? There is also a lot of research that links porn to human trafficking, that means kidnapping and enslavement. Our "entertainment" is something similar to gladiator days when people died just to please a crowd.

 

Sounds like a Freudian saying lol

Anyway, good on you kiddo for staying in the race. Maybe you don't feel it right now, but you'll thank yourself in 5 years time.

Personally I wished I didn't get into hentai or any of that shiz at a young age (9? 10?). I think a good chunk of my childhood & teenage years could have been spent on learning cool things if it wasn't for hentai and going on MMOs to get online gfs for virtual chat sex. Yes, I was once of those guys.

...Stay the course and listen to your elders

 

Hey there @fennofir, I'm probably going to get tomatoes thrown at me for this, but I am going to try to be careful to not impose my views as right and other views as wrong.

I think you should take pride in your self-restraint, it will serve you well in your life, and that you've learned it young is paramount.

Just my opinion, and perhaps not a popular one, but I think Meloncholy King is right in the sense that self-shaming may be counterproductive. I see a lot of self-shaming here, and it makes me wonder.

A fetish is analogous to a phobia; both are often irrational and arbitrary--you can create them out of any paired stimuli--and both phobias ans fetishes are created and made extinct by the same processes of learning. Of course it is far more difficult to un-learn something than it is to learn it, and learned phobias/fetishes often are created and operate at levels of consciousness below our awareness--not in our new, fancy modern brain capable of reasoning and logic, but in our spinal cord which only knows emotions and automatic behavior.

IMO, if your fetish does not harm anyone and does not infringe on the safety and well-being of anyone--yourself included--then it is not worthy of your self-shame.

I am not ashamed of my kinks. I've never had any desire to hurt or degrade women, nor have I consumed P that depicted women in such roles. I've never wanted women to do anything for my pleasure that they did not receive pleasure from, i.e., with their full willing consent and participation. As long as your preferences don't harm others, yourself included, I think you might be better to save your shame for when your actions do cause undeserved harm to others (we all do in some form or fashion in life, it's a human thing.)

Humans *are* also sexual beings. For a few hundred thousand years, our species has become hardwired to fight, flee, feed, and sex. Conventional ideas of love, marriage and monogamy are relatively new concepts in the span of human history, and while they may be somewhat common now, they are hardly normal. However, humans are also inherently social, and yes, humans are relational beings as well. We all need other people to some degree or another to meet needs beyond sex.

For me personally--not speaking for anyone else--the problem with me is less about the content of my kinks than it is about the things I will forego to pursue them--social interaction, relationships, professional growth, creativity, learning, reading, writing, exercise, sleep, a healthy diet, etc. Due to my addictive nature, the pursuit of porn and sex has taken priority over all of those things, rather than being just one among them as part of a somewhat balanced life.

Commence tomato throwing.

 

Kids are exposed to tons of different things, so to chock up every single thing someone is interested in sexually as related to being exposed to porn early in life is far-fetched.

"Dark furry community"? again, far-fetched.

Apparently I wasn't clear when it came to the whole moderation point. The overwhelming majority of the population watches porn to various degrees, it is unlikely that small amounts cause ED or brain fog or any of the other negative side effects people mention, if it did everyone would have those problems. There is good and bad in everything in this world, nothing is ever truly "evil". To put this into perspective, LSD was recently shown to activate both areas of the brain, essentially increasing someone's creativity, now if I were trying to create something (art, music, movie, etc.) wouldn't it make sense for me to use it? Of course you don't NEED it, however it could (in moderation, beating the horse) be used in a really productive way. You mentioned looking at furry porn and such, even something like that I don't see as being particularly bad in and of itself. For example, because of furries tendencies to anthromorphize things (basically, to see animals as more human) one could assume that furries are generally more compassionate towards animals than they otherwise would be.

Imagine for just a moment that I were to say that music or movies or videogames or TV or social media (the list goes on) were all terrible and had nothing good at all in them? You would call BS on that, despite the fact that all of those can be just as mind altering as porn can. Years ago I would play videogames constantly, so much so that I would end up missing school and spending tons of money (may not sound like a lot to some of you, but I grew up humbly), even the littlest of things feel different now than they once did, largely good. Yet, I don't spend every single moment shaking my fist at those evil gaming corporations for making them, in fact I still watch gameplays and have thought about competing in them (professionally, that is).

We are an exception, not the rule. To have hatred for that which has caused us so much pain over the years (porn) is sensible, maybe even addictive in its own right. However to live a life with hatred in your heart, even for something like porn, is just no way to be. When I quit porn, and look back in time, I don't want to feel regret, or shame, or anything but joy and blissfulness. Porn isn't the problem, it never was, it is we who are at fault here. Instead of going the difficult route and trying to fix the fundamental problems that laid dormant within us (depression, anxiety, anger, etc.) we went along the easier path (porn, drugs, basically anything could be used for this) and distracted ourselves from it. In order to truly be free (from porn in this case) it is best to free ourselves of the reason that led us to porn in the first place, for without doing so just leads to regress time and time again. After quit gaming a couple years ago, I was in a state of extreme depression and desperation, if it wasn't for my decision to move away from that place, I would've likely ended up committing suicide. Granted you could just say that the depression is what led me to go into greener pastures, so it was ultimately good, but it was only through mere luck that I am where I am today. Videogames were not the root cause of my issues, neither is porn, or any of the other hundreds of things that people blame for their woes.

Kind of a rant, but I couldn't help myself... Some things just need to be said.