Tough Three Weeks

It all started when I was ten years old, watching porn and masturbating. I had a sort of rough childhood(not the worst by any means), parents fighting(only verbally), fights between brothers and sisters and I didn't have a lot of friends. There were lots of good times as well but that's basically it for my childhood. During my childhood years I would only masturbate maybe once every couple days and the porn I was watching could barely be considered porn(mostly pics of naked women). Then we moved from the farm to town, this brought a whole problem into my life. School was tough for me but at least I had a few friends now and we generally kept busy, biking, playing video games, youth group etc. Then we moved to the place we are now, back on a farm. At first things where great parents weren't fighting, I was back on the farm and everything seemed great. Then it came time to go to a new school, a high school at that. I was doing good and things were going great, I didn't make a whole lot friends but that didn't bother me to much cause I still considered my dad, mom and brother to be my friends. As time progressed I became more stressed and I looked at porn for relieve. As I started using porn more and more, sometimes four times a day, I began to feel the effect. Grades went way down, I had no energy, I had no self confidence, I was so self aware that I began to regret going to school everyday. I also had a lot of social anxiety from the masturbation. This held true all throughout high school. The tragic part was that I didn't even go to my graduation because of how bad my anxiety had become. After I finished high school was when I really hit rock bottom, I was on the farm all the time, I didn't have a job, my friends lived 2 hours away, I didn't go to any social events and became so lazy that I wouldn't do any work on the farm. Finally when my parents starting fighting again, I got depressed. I was so depressed that I wanted to kill myself, the only thing stopped me were my religious beliefs. This continued for two years. Then I got a car. I started going everywhere doing everything(as you can probably imagine),in this time I also moved out of my parents house. Through this time I found myself doing so much that I never had time to masturbate or watch porn. I went with out porn for about a month. I finally had to move back in with my parents, about six months ago, because I got into financial trouble. Once home I worked well for about three weeks, no PMO, but as time progressed I went back to porn. I began to feel crappy again, so I decided I was going to take a stand and quite porn for good, it's been three weeks as of Saturday,May,7. The past few weeks have been hard for me, constant headaches, lots of anxiety, trouble sleeping etc. The way I deal with these struggles is I tell myself that "If I masturbate, I'll feel better for a half hour but the in the end it will only make things worse". I find this is the only motivation I need to get through each of day of no PMO. That's my story, kind of long lol. I think the take away from this is to show people that there not alone in there struggle to quite PMO and that with the right frame of mind that Nofap is possible and is worth the fight, no matter how difficult it becomes. Stay strong my brothers and sisters and break free of the strangle hold that porn has on you. Thanks for basically reading my whole life story lol! I hope this inspires someone to partake in this life changing journey. Thanks again. Peace!

 

thanks for all the support guys I really appreciate it!

 

It can definitely be lonely sometimes for sure, being on the farm,but I think I used to crave peoples attention and also acted on impulse. I find that this isn't really a problem anymore for me because I don't have that overwhelming loneliness that I used to have when PMOing. I also feel a lot healthier and energized in general(even within a three week period). Farming demands a lot from a person, so it's good to know that I can meet those demands now and into the future. Thanks again.