NO relapse - Is it possible?

Anything is possible.
The only limits we have are the ones that we set on ourselves.
I believe your boyfriend can do this without relapse, no problem.

But at the end of the day, a relapse or two don't really inhibit progress, as long as there is complete transparency.

 

There are lots of great success stories of people who quit cold turkey.

There are at least an equal number of great success stories of people who relapsed many times before they were able to get their motives straight, the tactics straight, or any other inhibitor. It pretty much will come down to the will of your ex, and partly the severity of his addiction.

 

Well I guess for some it is possible. My experience were countless relapses, but that is why I cherish being free all the more.
But be aware your motivation can't replace his.

 

I would echo, what is being said by others. It will be mostly determined by his desire to quit.

I do believe it's realistic if he has a genuine desire.

I don't know if sharing a little about myself will help. I have an extreme desire to quit. Overall it is not always easy, but I've made significant progress since joining here early March. And these forums have helped tremendously. Honestly, without this tool I'd almost surely be stuck in the same rut.

The problem comes with weak moments when it's like the perfect storm of being tired, lonely, hungry, angry emotional or all of them at once. Its hard to really go into detail but I mentioned that to say that if I had a supportive girlfriend/wife that I could even just call, I believe these week moments would happen less. And even if I found myself in one, her support could be a huge help to overcome and get through a week moment.

So basically, I'm trying to say that I think it could be absolutely possible for me if I had certain things in my life ( like a supportive girlfriend, which I don't, I'm single ) . But I know my desire for quitting is huge.

I believe it could be possibly for him but it really all depends on his desire to quit. If he doesn't have the desire, I don't believe you can give it to him.

Sorry for all the personal references, but that's where I'm at.

 

I am coming to this conversation late, but, I'd still like to add my 2 cents. Yes, it is POSSIBLE that he didn't relapse. A rough guess would be between 1%-10% on nofap have no relapses during their first 60 days. But, he already lied to you multiple times, and if you left him, and thus has naturally has an even higher desire to be with you. Lieing to you again to get you back into his life is more likely than him not relapsing. In his head he might feel the end justifies the means... like "She loves me, I love her, we both feel terrible, I desperately want to quit and I am trying my best to quit, I will win this battle eventually, there is no good reason to tell her I relapsed, as it will only cause more pain for her, and I am working on quitting anyway."

My advice would be choose a path, they are all difficult...
1. Leave him.
2. Agree to believe him and start the path to your own recovery. (knowing that he might have lied and you may never find out) If you catch him lieing about it in the future, that will be even more terrible.
3. Tell him you will stick with him even if he relapses with these preconditions... (a) We keep an open line of communication about your PMO problem, (b) I feel that you are committed to recovering from your addiction. He may not admit he lied about a relapse (maybe because he didn't lie), but, hopefully he will feel free to admit to you about relapses in the future. (c) At any point, I might decide enough is enough and leave, because I can only take so much of this pain.

 

None of us can speak for him or know what is in his mind of course, but as for me, I have not relapsed once with porn.

And I will not.

Perhaps it is the same with him.

 

In my situation we have kids. I've told my SO any relapse will result in my taking the kids and walking, because I can only take so much pain. And I'm not willing raise the kids with him when he enjoys the kind of things he been enjoying. Could he lie to me? Absolutely. Will I eventually find out? Absolutely.
Until then I'm resolved to believe he's being honest with me. If I get that twist in my gut, again, that tells me something is a miss. I'll confront him about. If after some talking and a bit of time, it's still there. I'm walking.
It may sound harsh. However I had that feeling when he first started changing because of his desensitization due to porn. He lied to me then. And I had to figure it out on my own. He knows he's already exceeded the limit once by allowing this to happen. This is his second chance. I will not be a door mat. I will not be disrespected.
You have to find your own limits. Maybe you can handle more. Maybe you have more patience, maybe less. Then let him know what they are. I'm a big believer in complete transparency.
However, if you're giving him a chance now, do so with all your heart. Because if you only put in half the effort, he most likely will also only put in half the effort. Then it would be a fail for you both.

 

This is very true. The WHY must be programmed into his subconscious.

The "why" can be a combination of avoiding bad and moving towards good.

I use a combination of thinking how awesome my life is going to be if I stay away from Pmo, and picturing the pain and suffering that would result if I continue to PMO

I have a couple of mantras that I whisper or say silently to myself when I meditate:

The positive one is: "abstinence = health and happiness". And I picture myself and my wife be very happy going to beach holding hands or something like that.

And negative one is: "porn and masturbation = pain and suffering". Think about all the porn has cost me, and picture it getting even worse.

The idea is to train my subconscious so that it associates PMO with pain suffering and abstinence with health happiness and pleasure