Gullible Virgin with a need to change.

Hello fellow fighters
It seems that this is a battle, not merely a struggle but a full on, hardcore battle against an unethical immoral enemies who doesnt have any combat rules. The enemy just creeps in when we least expect it.

Here is my story, I am 33 years old a male virgin!!! I have never had sex with a woman. Socially there is nothing wrong with me, in fact I am very chatty and I get on with people well once I am introduced and recieving no signs of rejection. I am quite attractive and athletic and my self esteem is not high made wors by PMO.

The main reason why I wanted to be celibate is I was saving myself for marriage, something from a bygone era. Partly this comes from being raised in a no-nonsense christian family and partly because of the culture that I come from where everybody (male and female) is expected not to have any premarital sex but everybody does have premarital sex because its a culture where double standards, deceit and lies are the standard. I think I was one of the very few gullible people who never knew what was really going on.

I have struggled with pmo ever since I was 13. Funnily enough I was hearing about porn from other children at school and I did not have any access to the internet, dirty mags, channels or videos and I think the raciest thing I had was the lingerie section of mail order catalogs that were sent to my mum. The boys at school were talking about masturbation and wet dreams and it seemed like the masculine thing to be doing and that was the line that separated a boy from a man and hence I was lured in.

20 years later I am struggling with the same issue, I now live by myself, just moved into a new country and I dont have many friends yet. I did attempt to settle down and go into a relationship but never worked out for spme reasons,
1 its not easy to meet the right kind of girl.
2 i am not the person who sleeps around with any girl
3. Should the right girl come along how would she like to sleep with a virgin.
4. Some residual feeling that sex should only be done in marriage
5. I am a very genuine person and I would never lie to a girl just to get in her pants and I would never want to hurt anyone else

I have been struggling with PMO on different levels of addiction, the worst it has been was like a couple of times a day after watching like 3-4 hours of porn, the best I have been was completely off for a whole month. And that was some years ago when I was travelling.

Now its down to 3-4 times a week rarely everydays, my addiction is not really to porn, more to webcamming sites and I figure out there is a yearning for human contact. I find myself chatting to the cam models and enjoying this more than just watchng them entertain me.

I have taken some serious steps to get rid of PMO once and for all. I deleted my account on that website with the money that was paid into it. I have spoken to friends of mine about the problem but I need to put it on the record and hence I am here.

I have been abstaining from PMO for 5 days now, I have been tempted to watch porn again but managed to be rescued by the panic button.

I believe the right girl is waiting for me somewhere but I dont want to meet her and screw it all up by PMO so I am trying to get rid of the habit hopefully with the help of all you fighters out there.

 

Hi Jatar
Thanks for the encouragement. I feel I need that. I am very optimistic about this, but im not sure about my self esteem. I am doing my best to fill my time up, i found reading and doing sudoku puzzles really helpful, always give myself a challenge. Thanks for the encouragment again