Please Join me!!!!!

Ergh, I don't know what can help me.

 

@Jcow3 @Ted Martin @RiseWithHope

Thanks for your encouraging replies to me a week ago. I'm back beyond a week porn-free, I've had one or two strong urges. I've kind of unofficially decided that I'm not going to be so hard on myself atm when it comes to M. I definitely want to go full hard mode eventually, permanently, and give up all M. But as for this moment, if I try so hard to avoid all M as well as P, I tend to get so tense I suddenly break down and binge on P. So I'm kind of 'self-medicating' with M to relieve extreme stress every now and then, but I want to keep it to no more than once a week, and eventually give it up.

Has anyone else used a method like this? Wanting to give up all PMO but doing it one step at a time? P then M? (I'm a virgin by choice so obviously no O ever when i go no M). I've been trying so hard for months to give up all PMO and I can stabilise for about 10 days but the pressure/stress gets so big I binge, which is why I'm trying this new tactic. Any thoughts/opinions would be great

 

Come on dude!

What have you tried?
What isn't working?
Why do you think you're struggling so much?

 

I have tried cutting my free time, installed K9 with a random password, deleted mobile browser, made myself a calendar/progress bar, wrote out why PMO is bad and why I shouldn't do it, started working out at the gym.
But nothing works as I become uncontrollable after a week. I also can fap without porn and under cold shower... Brain is just crazy about that.
I really don't know. Can't do the "HEY, STOP" thing when I start to break down. I'm always walking on thin ice.

 

- that's the dopamine addiction kicking in man. "Hey stop" only works when we can get some distance from the addicted part of the brain that is by now used to hopping into the driving seat to get its fix. You will for sure need to ride out some tough times to regain control of the steering wheel, when the mind begins to regain some equilibrium, and the urges start to dissipate. @traveller22 has a really useful "3 circles" model to help identify and recognise when we're getting into trouble.

I've also found some really insightful stuff over on the 40+ section - lots of guys who've had many years struggling with PMO (me included). That may help in 1) understanding how bad this can get if you don't get it under control now and 2) seeing how some of the serious introspection those guys are getting into might help you analyse WHY / what gap in your life are you needing to fill with PMO.

Meantime, my challenge stands: I believe you can do 1 day, just 24 hours, without. Down for that?

 

Hey bro - definitely putting a full lock-down on no P is a big +ve step, totally essential, and a big deal in itself. I went for 10+ yrs with no P (between ages 26 and about 38) - the bastard thing crept back up on me when least expected. I'm now 100% committed to the rest of my life without ever looking at it again, it just fucks up our brains, ruins our eyes (as in we can't see cleanly), let alone all the shame and grief once you're in a long-term relationship (too many stories on here - mine included - of how P actually has, or has nearly ruined whole marriages).

So kick P now while you're only 22 - it will for sure be one of the best long-term life decisions you can possibly take.

 

Very wise words said, man. Thanks.

 

@jamesrobert Spirit lifting post awesome man. 17 days cold turkey for me... I'm feeling dead flat right now and I like it lol however my wife is coming back from vacation in about 2 weeks so I don't know what to do, if it's gonna set me back if I sleep with her or not, or if I'll have sex drives for her. You're not sleeping with your wife at all right now? Great job btw best wishes on your journey towards freedom!

 

Hello purplehazee how is the progress going? How many days? What is your biggest challenge right now? Pick specifics is the best way to nic-n-pic at the addiction and cancel it out.

 

Hey Warchamp, thanks for the encouragement - great handle btw - really pleased to be in touch with you.

Having sex available/on tap with s/one you love adds its own complications to breaking free doesn't it? What's the best way forward for us?

I can only speak for myself and say:
- no way I would have got this far without the support of my wife, who knows about my whole PMO challenge. Whether we tell our partners or not is obviously pretty key to how things go.
- after the 1st couple of weeks, we tried non-climatic "Karezza" sex (once), which was pretty awesome. Here's a great link I found really useful - basically how to establish a deep and loving sexuality that isn't O-focussed. (This was at her initiation - I've sworn to myself to keep my hands off her!).
- I then decided that was too much, so re-committed to the remainder of my 90 day hard mode challenge with no sexual touching or deep kissing at all.

How's it been?
Well it's opening up a whole new ballgame - all positive, all majorly life-changing, and all great for my healing and our future strength as a couple.

So if she's up for it, I'd recommend going minimum 30 days hard mode and see where it gets you. (I've posted more on my journal titled "saddling up" over on the 40+ forums).

All strength meanwhile dude - 17 days cold turkey is a great achievement already, keep building on that, stay strong, remember why we're doing this. The benefits keep on unfolding the further we get - like progressing through a video game, you don't know how cool the next level's going to be until you get there!

 

I'm back. Missed you all

Let's continue the hard work guys

Day 70 for me.

 

Back up to 10 days P free... but I've been fapping like crazy. Well, almost once per day I've been M'ing, which is a lot for me. I've had a cold, and my willpower is low. I'm kind of worried if I try to resist M at the moment Ill end up bingeing with P and M anyway.

I feel like its a positive that I'm staying away from Porn, but I'm still letting a dopamine addiction control my brain and force me to M when I dont want to. The scary thing is, every time I go to M I think about how I would love to watch P whilst doing it. I've been able to resist and just 'focus' on the M (Sorry if this is too graphic) the last 10 days, but I feel if it keeps going like this I'll end up watching P again anyway.

Maybe when I'm not sick it's time to try to establish a long streak free of M again?

 

I can stay away from P easily.. but i can't stop MO... it's not so frequent but i want to stop! Any hints? What do you do to stop MO?

 

Bro the best thing to do is to engage yourself with physical workout till you are so tired and dont have any energy or urges. Convince yourself by affirming that you can live for weeks and months without MO and link enough pain with it and big pleasure by staying clean

Good luck bro, you can do it.

 

Where are the old folks?

It is Day 71 for me.

 

Didn't seen the old guys too. Hope they are fighting now.

 

Yeah lets do it!

 

Im in!! Just relapsed today after 4 days!! I need help too!

 

ok.. i will try!

 

Hi guys, glad to be joining you guys. Came here last March and fell, got dissapointed and left. It was pride really. Felt this page was just all positive for me to come say bout blowing it, guess I didn't wanna struggle with er'one just wanted see how good I go. But I'm back and now willing to fight than ever, even as I type now I can feel the vice beckoning.