The Victim Mindset

I think your exactly right.we truly have nobody to blame but ourselves. we chose to look at porn and we choose to take part in PMO nobody can make that choice for us (I'm saying his generally, there are exceptions to almost everything). once we buck up and realize we got ourselves here we need to buck up and get ourselves out. thank for the reminder MelancholyWeightlifter.

 

That is true, I have done various mental exercises and realized that wow, I can control my thoughts! Yes so if I can control how I think then I am responsible for all of my actions. Triggers will always be triggers, but what we do, is our decision and our share of responsibility in this world. We have our own share of power, and our own share of responsibility.

 

I totally agree with getting out of the victim mindset. If we're always in the victim mindset then we give up all power and hope for change, and we just become reactive.

The book "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl is a really powerful book, for those who want to read about this. This guy survived hell in a Nazi death camp, and he did is basically by choosing not to let his surroundings shape who he was and how he acted. The idea that for every external stimulus, we can always choose the way in which we respond to it (even in the face of overwhelming death and despair) is something that we have to believe in and exercise constantly in order to allow us to truly master ourselves.

 

Wow, this thread is spot on. The moment for me when I changed that perspective was when a lady through her hostility toward me showed that my behavior was truly repulsive.

My intentions were to have sex with her. I was only interested in her body. I was basically wanting to live out my porn fantasies through her. Long story short - She ended up telling me we couldn't be friends, and she never wanted to hear from me again.

That hurt, a lot. I grew up being a "nice guy" and now I had someone who was a victim of My Actions. I realized I had morphed myself into someone that I hated. I don't want to be someone who uses women for their bodies. It was all my own fault. I chose to use porn and masturbation until it became an addiction.

And now I choose to end it once and for all.

 

Great recommendation Peregrinnus. Although it's a bit rich to compare Frankl's experience in a concentration camp to our experience with PMO, there are definitely parallels - esp in finding an external meaning and centering that purpose on all our actions. Otherwise the mind and body will literally shut down.

And although it's important to take responsibility and accept that only we control the PMO act, it's equally important to realise that the internet is an unprecedented beast, delivering porn with a triple-A engine of accessibility, affordability and anonymity. No one has had to deal with this before. Our generation are guinnea-pigs. Society is only beginning to understand that such phenomenal porn-access can fuel a serious and destructive addiction.

So far from giving us permission to surrender, knowing this can give us permission to forgive ourselves, not be so hard on ourselves at a fall and not be so madly depressed and alienated by PMO, as we otherwise might be... Porn providers have been lifting the hoods of our brain and tinkering with the wires, and there comes a point where curiosity no longer is an individual, moral choice, but becomes an addiction that an individual is almost powerless to stop.

But we're all here because we want to stop and we need each other's help and support to stop. We cant do it alone, but luckily we're not alone. All the advice from nofap assures us that a hijacked brain can be healed through friendships, healthy habits and an absolute eviction of porn from our hearts. Porn is the despair and anguish of the concentration camp; life demands better reasons to live.

 

Yeah fair enough MW. Actually for me, the responsibility mindset was my stumbling block for too long. I'd be unbelievably disappointed with myself at a fall and think that I'm this massive weird perv while almost everyone else was perfect. I was just alone, trying to white-knuckle it against porn, always failing and hating myself more and more. The despair that came from that was locking me into PMO.

But learning about the nature of a PMO addiction, how common it is for guys to hate it, the help available on sites like this and a good accountability buddy has made all the difference.

 

Awesome thread! Only when we take responsability for our actions and behaviors is when we really learn to tame them.

 

Thanks Buddy!I've got that book, I think it'll be a Good Read.

 

It's one thing to admit to be a kind of victim. But for me, that has only motivated me more. PMO was the very root of my problems, and I'm sure of that. Nobody wants to really be a victim - nobody likes victims. Victims are annoying, boring and stupid people. Let that motivate you.

But what is behind the victim mentality? What is behind the destruction of an individual's will and drive? It's not natural, no other animal just sits down and awaits his death. It's caused by this horrible vice. I believe that most "victims" are or have been frequent masturbators. Their melancholy and lack of fight instinct proves that.

 

And please let me add. We live in a sexualized society, media and government as well as sexologists and doctors recommend us to watch porn. How can you not be a victim then? I think the population in china are victims of propaganda, we are also victims of propaganda.

One thing to choose to be a victim, another thing to actual be a victim.

 

Yeah, but would you have choosen to PMO if you knew the effects? As soon as I read about the effects I quit.

You can't argue like that. Society has a responsibility to let us know about the dangers. I would never have PMO'd if I knew the effects.

And please, don't compare this to smoking and alcohol. PMO has immediate and long term effects. And society does not encourage us to smoke and drink, but to PMO and have sex in excesses.

 

You cannot lead a country and encourage your people to smoke, drink and take drugs them blame the people when they die by overdoses and liver- and lungcancer.

 

Smoking weed, alcohol, and PMO, all have the potential to have people become dependent and addicted. So yes, I think they should be compared.

 

But sexologists, doctors, media and others does not encourage people to smoke weed, smoke cigarettes and drink. They warn against it, and we know the side effects. That's why most people don't do it in excesses. Some does yes, but we know the effects. We didn't know the effects of PMO.

But yeah, we all have a responsibility. But society plays a MAJOR role here.

Britain encouraged the chinese to smoke opium, and they got addicted. Is the chinese people the ones to blame? Sure, if you are out of your mind and not being realistic. Britain tricked the chinese into the addiction, and the people who advocated for it will be the ones to blame. That's reality. That's how it works.