New Guy Over Here

Hello everyone,

I'm extremely new to all this, posting to forums and such. Well, anyway, first things first; I'm currently going through a very tough time right now. I'm going through a very difficult break-up and I'm trying my best to have any mental edge over this to help me through recovery. About a month ago, I came across NoFap. I read a few forum posts and came across a few Ted Talks about how porn is as addictive as drugs and causes chemical imbalances in my mind. Though I have always known this, I've always just thought, "Well, I'll just grow out of it someday."

Well, about a week after that I decided to try to give NoFap a shot. I gave it a valiant 18 days without, and holy CRAP did I experience just about everything that everyone says you will. Mood swings, crying, anxiety attacks. You name it. I experienced it. And holy CRAP are they areal. Extremely real. More so than I was expecting.

But I did also experience the positives. People smiling at you more, easier to make eye contact with people, having more confidence to speak with people in general.

Dealing with this, along with my break-up, feels like I'm taking on more than I really expected. I do tell myself to just keep soldiering on, knowing it will make me stronger in the long run.

So, quite literally less than an hour ago, I broke my streak. And GOD DAMN do I feel worse. I hit a withdrawal bit there and before I knew it...I caved in. I don't feel like going to work, or confronting people all that much. I just want to lay in bed and sleep off the stress.

I'm here because I need to change this. This is something that has been with me since age 12. I have always had anxiety and always a tendency towards depression. I need that to change. I feel like I can do this as long as I have a strong support behind me.

I thought I could do this on my own, and maybe read a few posts here and there to help me through (which is what I did during my 18 day hiatus). But now I realize I need help more than ever.

I do hope that this is one of the right steps to take. And that this is going to help me along. My first goal is a 30 day reboot, no PMO. I'll upload a tracker to my sig as soon as I get home from work today. I hope I can be welcomed to this community with open arms, as I do need a support group. Even if it is just forum posts, it'll be much easier.

I can see the man that I was always destined to be once I quit this adolescent habit. And hopefully with the help of everyone on this forum, it WILL become a reality.

Everyone, I hope you can welcome me to the forum with open arms. And please, wish me luck. I'm definitely going to need it.

 

@takezawa1,

I've felt the same. It always makes me worry that they may have known somehow when eye contact is made. But at the same time I don't think that's necessarily the case. I think that it's just the anxiety. One concept that I've been using is that when you live outside of yourself rather than living in your head, it definitely changes perspective. It's a difficult concept to grasp at times, especially after PMO. No PMO will help the chemicals in your mind balance out.

I'm starting over, again. When I hit a relapse, it lasts for a few days. My mind just plummets. Talk about anxiety when being around others. It sucks balls. Logically, I know that other people do not know, and it's not their business to know. But the anxiety does creep back around. But like I said, no PMO will help.

I see from your sig you're just starting over for the most part as well. We can do this man. My first goal is 30 days. And I'll see how I feel from there.

 

@cafenebula

Thank you man! I definitely will keep you in mind if that happens. And after watching all the Ted Talks about porn addiction, and reading countless articles, it just makes sense to me that A LOT of my tendency towards depression and anxiety has been caused by my addiction. During the 18 days that I went without, a lot changed in my mind within that short time frame. A lot of my decisions came easier, and I felt it easier to take a risk. I wasn't riddled with waves of fear and worry of the consequences whenever I was faced with a difficult decision. And a lot of my confidence that I always believed I would never have, started to surface.

We got this man! I just started another thread, and I'll put that link into my signature. I want to document EVERYTHING over the course of my 30 days. I feel that it will help not only myself, but others as well.

@Beard_Logic

When you get further into your recovery and start reading about other's journeys, you'll start to feel even more connected with others as time goes on. I'm glad that there is someone who's experiencing a lot of the same issues that I am right now, though. As you said, it's empowering to know you aren't the only one. Best of luck to you man! I'm sure that everyone will be more than willing to help. We're all here for each other at this point.