"Actors" in P videos

The darker thought about my addiction to P was the performers in P. I had been watching P for so long that i started to make playlists for specific performers on my P- website accounts. I really got to know all about these performers, searched high and low for all their "films" found out what city they lived in and began to get very very depressed and jealous of them. I got obsessed with their bodies and wanted to look like them which i think created some level of body dysmorphia on top of my PMO addiction. But i would feel jealous that they got to live these lives where they are so uninhibited that they are willing to perform theses acts to the world to see, I was jealous that they were so open and seemed not to care about their health in regards to their activity. After a while i wanted to be like them and that was one of the dark parts about PMO. I dont miss the dark dark depressing feeling about P, but today in the shower i had horrible flashbacks of P, so many images flashing in my head. My goal isnt to quit for a specific amount of time, or quit M all together. Once i can get it up naturally without any substitutes and watching P and O on my own and with my partner i will have reached my goal.

 

The head shots alone are triggers for me.