Sudden Chronic Loneliness

It sounds like depression. Google an online depression quiz and see what you score. Then see a professional. I recommend a counselor because a doctor will just prescribe drugs and leave it at that. Drugs can help, yes, I'm on depression medication now, but so can therapy and other things. I would guess that a reboot, abstaining from PMO and being active on this site for support, would be key as well. Since you said the MO causes self loathing after.

Best of luck to you!!

 

Ignore this advice @AnotherWay. Just go and have a talk with your doctor. He should have a range of options you can select from. You can decide what approach suits you - a talking therapy or medication or a combination. Good luck man.

 

Yes, your general practicioner can help you with this. Twice I've gone to just regular general practioners about depression and both times they simply asked a few questions and then prescribed meds. That's why I recommend therapy in addition. If you go to a therapist they will have you fill our a form with questions and help you deal with any emotions you feel about the result. Not every therapist is licenced to prescribe medications but they can refer you to someone who can. Going to a general practitioner would likely to be faster, but in my mind, going to a therapist is more through. Of course, you can also do both.

As for filling out an online quiz, of course those are never used for an actual diagnosis. But when you aren't sure or are in denial it can be helpful. At least it was to me. I took several, was rated at severe depression and that was the push I needed to get help.

As for whether this is all in your head, from what little you wrote, I do have concerns. And you'll never know if you don't reach out for help. Don't keep suffering like this.

 

Hey AnotherWay,
1. You use the word loneliness.... and lonely a few times your message. You are perfectly normal -- God said, "It is not good for a man [or a woman] to be alone, I will make a helpmate suitable for him." You would do well to start taking some steps on acquiring a girlfriend. A successful single guy, with work he enjoys, his own place, his own car, and hobbies is attractive to most [healthy] women.
2. Work on stopping the PMO ASAP! It's not easy... but 99% of men and women usually suffer loneliness when not in a relationship (men were designed to need Sex like air & water... women were designed to need Affection like air & water). Stopping the PMO will: increase your confidence, interaction ability, social abilities; increase your self-esteem, and masculinity.... YOU WILL BE STRONGER IN MANY WAYS!
3. You c-a-n join (transitioning) some free singles websites like pof.com (plenty of fish.com), cdff (Christian dating for free.com) etc. as one of your encouraging first steps.
4. Pastor Joel Osteen was in the exact same position as you when he was in his 20's. He prayed for a wife .... and says, "...two to three years went by ....... and I just tried to stay "in the rest of God." Waiting can be very difficult -- but it is better than creating new problems that we have to pray to God to rescue us from.
5. If you are not a Christian you may be experiencing the very common thing Blaise Pascale talked about "inside every man and woman is a God shaped vacuum; that can only be filled by God alone."
6. You are perfectly normal. Just work on avoiding the PMO (the testosterone will quickly increase your sociability/talking to new women). And you can try the free dating websites. Doing these thing will be encouraging. Y-o-u will know that you're working on a solution.
7. God bless. New International Version
"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." (Psalm 91:1; counldn't find the verse I wanted, but if you do a word search on "the rest of God" or "entering God's rest" you should find helpful verses.

 

Please do. I did, and I am so glad I did.

That sudden change in mood and feeling of being isolated is one of the things that is looked for when diagnosing depression.

Does this sound like you? It's from the National Institute of Mental Health.

Signs and Symptoms
If you have been experiencing some of the following signs and symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks, you may be suffering from depression:

• Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
• Feelings of hopelessness, or pessimism
• Irritability
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
• Decreased energy or fatigue
• Moving or talking more slowly
• Feeling restless or having trouble sitting still
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
• Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
• Appetite and/or weight changes
• Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
• Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems without a clear physical cause and/or that do not ease even with treatment

Not everyone who is depressed experiences every symptom. Some people experience only a few symptoms while others may experience many. Several persistent symptoms in addition to low mood are required for a diagnosis of major depression, but people with only a few – but distressing – symptoms may benefit from treatment of their “subsyndromal” depression. The severity and frequency of symptoms and how long they last will vary depending on the individual and his or her particular illness. Symptoms may also vary depending on the stage of the illness.

You also said:

I think getting control of your depression, if my laymen's diagnosis is correct, would help you get control of your PMO habit. Which would help you stay in control of your PMO habit.

 

This helps me a lot. Thank you for this. I'm not big on religion, but I do believe in a higher power. When I read my bible I feel really good, because It is full of wisdom and advise, then I will think about god and pray to him. I intend to read my bible everyday, but somehow I just forget about it for weeks or months at a time. I've thought about joining a dating site in the past, but I feel like it isn't normal, I mean these days I guess it is normal for most people, but I feel like I would be lowering my standards, so I've always been against that. But I think this would be the only encouraging idea for me to abstain from PMO. Looking forward to being with a certain woman is how I unconsciously reached 75 days without PMO, I think.
Every other day, this beautiful girl would walk by me. The first day I saw her I thought I was in love, I was extremely attracted to this girl looked very healthy, by the way she walked and her smile.. I beat myself up for not asking her out, I thought I would never see her again. She would keep walking by every other day for the next few months, I looked forward to that day she would walk by because I said to myself and others, next time I am going to ask her out, but I didn't as my adrenaline was racing. When I found out I was going to be moved to another job, I knew I would never see her again, so I HAD to ask her out. On the very last day I finally grew the confidence to stop her to ask her the question, I didn't ask her name, I told her I liked her outfit and followed by simply asking if she would like to go out sometime. Her response was "I'm actually married" I said I understand, have a good day, and that was that. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but after she walked away, I felt really good that I actually asked her, no matter what her response was. I felt like I was on the top of the world. But unconsciously, I did not have anything to look forward to anymore, and 2 weeks later I fell into a relapse. I have been relapsing for 3 months now.
Also, I have been feeling very lonely, for the last month or so. I use to hang out with many of my friends all the time, and now I am just alone. I don't bother asking my friends to hang out anymore because I have been trying to change my lifestyle, and now when I do call, they rather do something else, or don't answer. I also just recently asked a girl out to go kayaking, we've exchanged a few messages, and then she stopped replying. So right now I have been feeling lower than low. I feel as if no body wants to hang out with me.

Your message has helped me greatly.
I think the only answers of encouragement to my problems is to start reading my bible everyday again, join a christian dating website, and somehow meet new friends who are a better influence for me.
Any other input from you would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks again.

 

DAILY CONNECTION / INTERACTION
You and I (and many others) have similar personalities (introverted; thinker quiet).
Anyways....... Daily connection ('s) with a family member....... friend....... women ....... even a stranger is BENEFICIAL
for mental-physical-emotional-social health. You are helping yourself....... and may be helping them also.
With women/girlfriends, I recently knocked on about 200 doors [sent emails to women all over the world] before one said yes. And if she says No or Bye Bye..... no sweat. I'll acquire another woman (God can only give his kids Very Good; Beneficial; or Excellent gifts; James 1:17). Tommy Testosterone is in this with me.... he has my back.
I went to an EMB (Every Man's Battle) workshop a couple of years ago. They emphasize daily phone calls to your 5-8 man group of brothers -- at least one call per day. (Can you say daily connection/interaction?)
As you refrain from pmo, your Self-esteem ....Outgoingness... and Happiness will Absolutely increase.

I'm going to watch some Motivational videos -- or just hit the red "Panic Button" at the top of all NoFap pages -- it has motivational photos and videos.
It's basically a simple fact of nature....... if your Testosterone level rises, you will be stronger internally & externally. Men will pick up on that and respect you. Women will pick up on that and want you.
One day at a time. Bounce and starve. If tempted go outside and do something -- walk your dog [or someone else's, weed the lawn, etc. Speak your mind [vent; assertively). Testosterone reminds me SO much of nitrous oxide on funny cars. In 100th of a second 100 to 500 horsepower is released. Some of the cars are literally spinning there wheels the entire 1/4 mile. Similarly, testosterone is Awesome power/energy that we can channel to benefit us or burn us. I'm looking at getting into sales....or motivational speaking.... or open my own business. I want to earn about 100k per year. With God's help/guidance and Tommy Testosterone (for ongoing support), it will be challenging -- yet exciting & fun & easy & enjoyable.
You might start a l-i-s-t of TIPS as you look at the Success Stories. I do that, and include the TIP and author in my thread.... day 8..
I don't think you need a $100 per hour psychiatrist.... or various annoying medications to take for the rest of your like. You have to do something more beneficial: get off your butt when tempted and go outside. That may be the Million Dollar Secret for men & women. *Tempations usually only last 10-20 minutes. We have less temptations -- and less intense -- the more we control our minds (try to think good, clean, marital, thoughts). And socialize more. If you don't fap, you Will have more Strenght [and self-respect] in you life. You [and all of us] won't be carrying that large suitcase of shame. We'll be traveling LIGHT....... and FREE ....... and STRONG. It's all BENEFICIAL is we don't fap.
You can be successful! You are totally in charge of your success.

Make Tommy Proud !

 

Yo! This entire post looks like it was torn out of the book of my life, EXCEPT the good job, so you still have one up on me. Women have been using me and screwing me over my entire life, and YES for any ladies reading, THAT INCLUDES MY MOTHER! But what I've learned is that you can't let yourself hate all women or the world. Hate is cancer that will grow and consume you, trust me. Funny enough though, i dont believe in going to a shrink, but i do believe in therapy. What the hell do I mean? Build a good relationship with someone, man or woman. Learn to trust and speak to them and you'll soon find yourself reaching out and confiding in them (without paying a frickin arm and a leg!) And just one more tip, a lil weed never hurt when you're feeling down. Just dont get dependant on it or ANYTHING else. Remember you're here for a short time, try to spend as much of it HAPPY. And fight that depression like the devil himself!

 

Or, you could be vitamin D deficient. Therefore, you can go to your doc and ask to do a '25-hydroxy vitamin D blood test'. There is a website all about vitamin D that you can find if you look it up on the web or PM me. I don't know how much sun you get or how little sun you get, but most people do not get enough sun exposure for the body to convert cholesterol to vitamin D. I advise you NOT to start depression meds, because medication addresses your symptoms and NOT the root of your problems. You do not want to cause your liver excess stress it needs to process those medications. Let alone, you don't want to inhibit your liver function at all.

Also, you might not be exercising enough weekly. Even walking 30 minutes in the morning every other day should help brighten your day (if the vitamin D doesn't, which I highly doubt). You may also want to consider getting a multivitamin/multimineral supplement to address nutrient deficiencies, which also contribute to how you feel. Simply, if your body isn't getting what it needs, it will tell you through symptoms. Otherwise, I suggest looking up natural remedies for your depression. There are many things that you can do without medical intervention, which should be your last resort if everything else fails. Best of luck to you.

Edit: Last of all, try no PMO for 2 weeks and report back about how you feel. All the symptoms you describe sound like PMO problems. Educate yourself more on YBOP (yourbrainonporn) and learn more about your enemy.

 

You have a lot wisdom, knowledge and experience. I'm going to continue to pick at your brain if you don't mind
You are right I am definitely an introvert. I discovered this word a few months ago and It made me feel way better learning that I am completely normal to be the way that I am.
You ARE a great motivational keyboard speaker and I believe you ARE a great speaker as well. I feel more motivated after reading your posts, the way you underline/highlight sentences and capitalize words makes your message a lot more meaningful. You also get straight to the point and do not sugar coat your perspectives, you tell it how it is.

The EMB workshop sounds like a good idea, i will look into that to see what that is all about. Do they talk about restraining from PMO as well?
I didn't realize that not fapping would increase your testosterone, which is why your self esteem increases and everyone around you can see that. I'm back to day 0 again. This time around in my head I will think "If I fap, then I will lose all the testosterone that I have been building up, and I don't want to lose that, or let Tommy down."
watching motivational videos is something I need in my life as well.
I am against paying to see a therapist or taking any kind of man-made medication. I get most of my help from talking/ venting to people on the internet, or watching motivational videos.
I might make a profile on a christian dating site tonight.
I have been trying to get in the sport of white water kayaking, I am getting a late start for the year, and I keep getting overwhelmed by the price of classes and equipment.
I think I should start a daily journal

 

Answers
1. EMB (Every Man's Battle; say that slowly a few times; it's Universal) is a good Christian based weekend seminar for approx. $1300. You would get what you expect (science behind pornography, assigned a counselor for 6-8 man groups; see men from every walk of life, etc.) One of the most helpful things a group does is on the last day make a master email/phone list so everyone can contact everyone. At least 1 daily phone call is encouraged [more is better]. A-n-d I can save you $1300 plus airfare: a) get a male or female accnt part. OR work on getting a girlfriend [my last g/f 2 years ago was my accnt part. She was Great....daily phonecall&emails&text...etc. No sexual sin. She grew up with 3 brothers so understood men's high sex need [God's Design to d-r-a-w the genders together and get a ...............population -- His goal. The 'hormonal drawing' guarantees Interdependence...... vs. arrogance (don't need you) and independence... or dominance. Are men & women Terribly drawn to ea. other? Oh yeahhh -- women need affection like air & water... men need sex similarly.]

2. I could be wrong, but I speak from personal experience [it seeeems like common sense]. And Many posts on NoFap report increased strength.... and Confidence -- probably due to less shame. (Shame is overrated -- try something new.)
"Chinese researches have found that abstaining from masturbation can provoke a 50% rise in testosterone in just 7 days. Thus you can easily draw from this that masturbation can in fact lower testosterone. Symptoms experienced after masturbation including: tiredness, fatigue and less motivation, are all signs of low T – helping confirm this research." Also, Many prize fighters (perhaps martial artists too) don't have sex 1-2-8 (+) weeks before a prize fight -- this makes them an Animal....... Strong, Tactical, Brutal, etc.

3. "I get most of my help from talking/ venting to people on the internet, or watching motivational videos." That's a good idea. You are Connecting.............. keep that up. A-n-d take some baby steps (little steps) and increasingly interact/connect during your normal social interactions at stores etc. -- Tommy Testosterone will REALLY HELP you speak up -- and be Stronger.

4. C-o-o-l. Christiancafe.com is free for 7-10 days.... christiandatingforfree is free forever....... okcupid has some hygienic babes..... and pof.com [plenty of fish] is similar to ok cupid. *Again as your testosterone level Rises...... your messages will become stronger, positive, ask for phone #'s etc. (I get right to the point now............ I just need 1 yes........... some women will send you messages too.) If you Really want to be smart make a list of what you want [age, height, hair color, eye color, religion, language, etc.] and Zero in on that kind of woman.

5. Keep Pursuing your heart's desires. You might try carpooling to the white water rapids? A tactical/creative thing would be to put up a post in a woman's dorm [need permission; and Sweet talk the female supervisor-Mommy] for fellow rafters... check Big 5 sporting Goods for opportunities... or just google ("white water rafting, your city, state). If you hook up with a Established club they'd probably be happy to take you along and show you the ropes for $40 bucks gas money. Many options. *If you see a woman you like leaving a Sporting Good store with a kayak............. say Howdy, etc! (Always remember [ancient Chinese secret], "Making Tommy Proud = Happiness.")

6. Perhaps another Good idea.
I think professional counselors would recommend that. Or you could start your Success Journal [forget what NoFap calls it] here -- of daily Success via some modest effort.
Good luck -- kick but -- go outside -- socialize -- Make Tommy Proud !!!

 

Thank you for narrowing down my message and answering them in a list formation like that. That is awesome!
I really like the idea of the EMB. Thanks for the tip. I should start calling a couple different friends throughout the week not to hang out, but just to see whats going on. I use to have an accountability partner from nofap, or I still do but we rarely talk anymore. I was thinking about finding another on here so I'll have 2.

And Yeah I do believe In the increased testosterone, it makes sense. Its cool to know prize fighters do this for a reason. Shame is totally overrated.

I really don't think I am ready for or even want a girlfriend, financially or socially. I do want a companion, but I mean I want someone who likes all natural things, is athletic and likes the outdoors, doesn't wear make up a lot. But then again, there are a lot of girls that I see that are SO pretty, I don't care what they are like. I think of women as objects or sex toys which I don't think is right. I was working outside today, just digging with a shovel near the sidewalk in a popular area. I would say about 20-30 extremely beautiful women around my age walked by me today. I could have at least said hi, or I like your (clothing item) but I chose not to. Since it is still early in my reboot, I still feel a sense of shame, and I am just a laborer compared to their classy lifestyles. Also they are all in the city, so I assume none of them are my type (excuses) i'm 25 and I do not want to get married or have kids, not until i'm at least 35-40 because I don't want to be tied down. I live America and I do not want to live here. I want to travel and visit multiple countries and meet new people all over the world. It would be cool to meet a girl who shares the same dreams as me and is willing let go of everything (leave everything in the past) and go travel with me. I still live with mom, so I do feel like a dependent, I notice I compare myself to other people A LOT. I want to live with my mom so I can keep saving money and pay off my car.

Yes this is where I get most of my help but not all the time. Like right now you are the only person I'm talking to and I still haven't put effort into watching a motivational video in a loong time. I also have been getting into meditating. (Mindfulness exercises). I'm sure after a week with the help of Tommy I'll start to speak up more again. I noticed when I was 75 days clean, I was getting better at looking women in the eyes and there was no shame in my game. I'm still not sure If I want to go on a dating site yet, maybe I'm just too nervous or anxious. I don't know. But I could make a list of the type of girl I am looking for.

I am very good at procrastinating and saying things I'm going to do, but never do. Like looking into getting into a kayak club. last week I put in a lot of hours looking up kayaking clubs and classes, but I gave up as I got overwhelmed. I always overwhelm myself and then procrastinate. Do you mean, like walk up to a college dorm and post a paper on their door asking if anyone wants to go kayaking and if so, whats your mum's phone number? sorry I got confused haha. I have 4 friends who I kayaked with all summer last year, but this year I've been bugging them so much, I just got tired of their excuses and don't even bother calling them anymore. 2 weeks ago I locked my kayak to a tree, dropped my kayak off at the end point, and ran back to my kayak almost 10 miles.

Thanks. I read your journal and some others and It was encouraging. I have been procrastinating on starting it though. I want to write my life story as an introductory, so everyone knows my background and where I'm coming from. But its overwhelming because there is so much want to write.

I mentally wrote down a few problems that I thought of today and should write it down. I notice everyday on my way home from work, I'll tell myself certain things I'm going to do, but as soon as I step foot in my door, my mind does a complete 180. I get fatigued and tired and just want to sleep and do nothing. I've googled this problem before. I think I will start to change in time with my abstinence of PMO again. Also whenever I see a girl I stare, no matter where I am, even if I'm driving and notice another women behind me, then i'll get a sense of sadness as we part ways, like I was meant to pull them over to meet them or something haha. One thing I haven't talked about to anyone yet is the type of porn I was watching, which I should probably discuss with my new accountability partner when I find one. I should make a list of things to do, but I just don't have the energy right now or I'm just to fatigued.

Replying back long messages like this can be overwhelming as well, but I feel obligated because you took the time to write back to me and it really helps, I look forward seeing your messages. You always know exactly what to say.

..And 2 hours after I wrote this, I just reset. FML

 

you got to start by helping your self, I see you want to quit, but you still have a desire to escape into that bad habit. just sit in your chair and be still, you will feel like your going crazy, but your not, you would be getting better!

 

You came on here admitting what you've done which takes a lot of courage. That is the first step, now you're ready to take the next. Revealing your shame will make you stronger. I'm no better than you are. It is hard to rewire after so many years, especially for adolescents. If you haven't watched your brain on porn yet, you should do it. I haven't gotten through all of it yet because there is so much information. I would suggest you talking to your brother about it so you can save him from this before it is to late. I wish someone told me about the affects of porn 10 years ago. You can lead him by example. You can hold each other accountable. Thanks for sharing.

 

That is great you mentioned it to him! Even if someone doesn't watch porn, one should still know the affects it causes for future possibilities. It might be embarrassing for him to talk about as well, who knows. It fills my heart with joy to know that you are going out of your way to make someone else's life better.

I'm holding in strong as well. I'm glad that you recognized your triggers before you got home, so you can come up with a plan to prevent it. What will help is watching a inspirational/ motivational video on youtube. I watched some yesterday and it made me cry. There are some very encouraging quotes out there. "If you are not making someone else's life better - then you are wasting your time." Keep fighting for your life!