Chat/Dating/Sex sites

I was addicted to cam site. I am in the same boat as you. We need to be strong mentally and physically to overcome this addiction.

Following is what I did:
1. Installed adult site blocking app. Set difficult password to unblock filter.
2. Started exercising daily. Felt good about myself.
3. Started spending more time with real friends. So there is no urge to visit cam sites.

 

It's very much one in the same. I don't look at chat sites or hookup sites any differently than porn sites now. They are all just as bad for you. In fact I think chat sites are even worse if you do the cyber sex thing. Sometimes it can last for hours...even just getting to the point of finding the 'right person' to do it with is chasing. Even if hookup sites work out and you well...hook up...you were window shopping and it's still risky behavior. You're not connecting with someone on an intimate level you're just chasing down fantasies (which mostly doesn't work anyways and you end up PMOing out of frustration).

 

Write down a very hard to remember random password on a piece of paper. Set it as your adult site unblock password. Once set, tear down the piece of paper and throw it away in dustbin.

 

haha.. There is way, but I will not tell you, because at some point of time you will relapse and unlock adult site.

 

Dating sites are perfectly normal. People that work full time and don't get time to meet people use these.

Unfortunately though in my experience a lot of women state they want long term relationships but end up having casual sex and do the same thing to the next guy.

 

I had (have) a horrible addiction to these sites. They are so terrible because they actually work. If you are addicted to porn you can motivate yourself by saying that you want to have real sex instead of fantasy sex. But if you are on dating sites that actually lead to real sex, then you have to re-examine how you think about sex. In my experience, the only way to stop is to change the way you think about sex. There are also lots of guys on here who have tons of sex with real women, but they want to quit that too because it is compulsive and empty. I have written a lot about this on my journal.

The first step of course is to delete f*ing everything. You will feel so good and free after you do this. But you also need to have a plan in place afterwards, which should involve changing the way you think about women and your own goals, so that you don't relapse.

One big thing that kept me from deleting everything was the fact that I had ongoing conversations, and I hate being rude to people. I also couldn't bear to let "opportunities" slip by without following up. But as men, we have an advantage in this respect: if we just avoid the dating site for 2 days, everyone will stop messaging us. Here is what I think you should do:

1) Stop for 2 days. Don't look at the sites at all. You can tell yourself that when you log back in after 2 days, you will be able to respond to all of your messages. Tell yourself whatever you want to get yourself to stop responding for 2 days.
2) Log back in, but do not respond to any of the messages you have gotten. Delete them or mark them "read." You can tell yourself that you will just respond tomorrow, whatever you want to say to get yourself to not respond to anyone. Do not contact anyone new. Log out again immediately.
3) Don't look for another 1 or 2 days.
4) Log back in, and hopefully there will be no messages. If there are still new messages, repeat steps 1-4 until there is nothing. Now you have broken the reward circuit -- there is nothing to keep you coming back to the site, since everyone is ignoring you.
5) Delete everything. If you cant bring yourself to do it, repeat steps 1-4 until you can.

This worked for me because it broke the cycle of conversations that kept me coming back, and made me reluctant to delete my profiles. Do you think this would help for you?

 

I've tried sex dating sites before, but it was never a long term thing. I just do not like seeing all the naked pics, as I equate this to porn and makes me feel like I need to restart my counter in the end.

I will never use a sex dating site again, or even a normal dating site that is non sexual. Totally don't mind others doing either, but they are just not for me. I just want my soul mate, the person I was supposed to be with. I feel that for me, using these websites, the sexual or non sexual dating sites are just filling a void. They fulfil emotional addictions that I need to deal with. Those websites are just covering up other things for me. It's just another version of porn. They are there to keep me avoiding the real issues of my soul.

Sometimes we use these things because we want attention. We crave to be noticed by the opposite sex, and this is an emotion that I have been dealing with in myself recently. It's beautiful just being able to process these emotions without having to use external things any more.
Whenever I restart my counter, I know it's because there are still underlying emotions that I have not allowed myself to fully deal with yet. It's not the urge that causes me to relapse, it's the undealt with emotions, but at least I know what they are now anyway.

 

I was on the same boat with you. Not sexting, but online sex roleplaying, which was more addictive than "normal" PMO. The limitless supply of prospective partners fed to the novelty aspect, and the regular praise soon counted more than praise in real life, making the mixture especially toxic. The fantasies from those roleplays haunted me for several weeks into my reboot, but subsided eventually after I put serious effort into banning them from my mind.

 

Yes, I was addicted to chat rooms for 16 years. These guys who say they're addicted to porn don't know what addiction is. Porn isn't interactive like chat rooms and uses up less of your time. In chat rooms you can pretend to be a complete stud ... whilst in the real world you drift further and further from this ideal: that must cause serious mental disturbance, no?

 

How did you imagine yourself to be a stud?

Personally I'm now trying to reconcile my fantasies and reality by turning myself into a super stud ...

 

My addiction was primarily to chat rooms. If it had just been porn, I would not be in nearly the same mess. Then again, if it had just been porn, I may never have realized it was more than a voluntary indulgence.

 

In this case, tell your partner you need to use her computer to access that site, or ask her to get the info you need. Literally just thought of that this second. But how is THAT for transparency!?

 

How is everybody coping with the flashbacks? Since I made a few "friends" on those sites, additional to the frequent sex roleplaying, I talked about literally anything with them. Whenever I'm idling, my thoughts sometimes linger around a topic I discussed with my online acquaintances as well. I was completely vulnerable to those "associative" flashbacks for a long time. It took me weeks to wrap my head around it, to put everything in perspective. There were some good things about the experience. Meeting people that were arguably nice and fun to talk to. Other people were exceptionally literate, and posting roleplay replies with them even without any smut involved was very enjoyable, it was like reading a good book. But the context of where it happened rendered the whole experience toxic. Under any other circumstances, there's nothing wrong with enjoying talking to new people. And there are other ways and places to find a writing partner you click exceptionally well with. After realizing all that, I was able to convince myself that all thoughts about it are to be banned, just like I was able to ban the porn flashbacks.

 

I do think too that chat sites can have the same effect as porn. They can be even more dangerous for two reasons : they give you the feeling of having a real connection with somebody (their interactive nature) and they make it easier to forget the world around you. You can spend more hours there than in porn sites.
I think one should not think of them as an "easier" and "less dangerous" version of porn sites.

 

I totally agree. I always had a "regular" PMO problem, but things went haywire once I signed up on that one sex roleplay site. I spent several hours on there, every single day, over the course of a year. It was way more addictive than any "regular" PMO habit I was in previously.