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A Good Reason to Stay PM Free

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by AGradeAGuy, Jun 15, 2016.

  1. I left the "O" out because I have an awesome girlfriend.

    However, as I've intimated before (either here or in my accountability group) that I'm not tremendously physically attracted to her. I'm amazed that I've found a woman that's on the same level intellectually and spiritually with a depth of understanding of me that I've never experienced.

    From time to time we have sex, however, it's drastically fallen off due to my recent relapse. I rationalize my relapse due to the physical lack and a recent emotional upheaval. As I posted yesterday, I have to watch acting out (including sexual intrigue outside my relationship) due to emotional turbulence.

    I must get up early (before morning erections lead me astray) and come here when I'm at a loss for activity. I'm increasing my desire to be more human and less animal. I want to control my impulses with reason. Nothing more.

    And while it's simple enough, the work that must occur, at least that has worked for me in the past, is a list of plenty--but I must remind myself it's still simple. Today's mantra is just to do the next right thing. Do good and be good.
     
  2. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    What's your longest stretch no PMO?
     
  3. 71 days.
     
  4. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    And you still couldn't O during sex?
     
  5. I totally would. I don't include it in my PM because PM is what I'm abstaining from. I won't give up O during sex.

    This also makes staying faithful to my girlfriend more difficult. My libido increases when I'm not PMO'ing. Thus my penchant for looking at other women and worse, lowering my standards just to have sex increases.

    This is a tough road but doable and, as the neuro-connections grow weaker, I anticipate it getting easier over time.

    There are always hazards though.
     
  6. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    We had sex everyday for months during his reboot. Now we go like 3-4 times a week. He says he's not had any urges except to be with me.
    Why can't you be active more?
     
  7. Still working out the physical idealization brought about by porn. As I mentioned earlier, I'm not tremendously physically attracted to her, but know that cutting out porn will help physically realize that she's attractive on a deeper level.
     
  8. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    God bless you!
     
    Rav70 likes this.
  9. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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  10. Bartimaeus

    Bartimaeus Fapstronaut

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    Attraction is about attention. It's an active thing. Actively look for what you do find attractive and savor it. Like you're swishing a fine wine over your tastebuds before swallowing. This is how to deepen your intimacy with your mate. Take genuine delight in their distinctive features and traits. Don't wait for it to come to you; it won't. Go to it.
     
    MsPants likes this.
  11. Thank you Bart. Yes, I'm finally mature enough to appreciate the intangibles and those are the things that make me attracted to her. I don't need the societal idea of what's attractive competing through P and P subs.
     
    Rav70 likes this.

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