Relationship ramble

Lou · Jun 22, 2016

I'm sixteen and have never had a girlfriend.Most likely just because of my previously shitty social skills and my general social anxiety.Pornography and fapping also had a tremendously negative effect on how I viewed women.I started watching porn at quite an early age,9 or 10 I think.I always thought of it as kind of an escape and that it's probably going to be the only way I would ever experience sex anyway,so I just indulged in it for years.This had very negative effects,of course,which affected my social life and my social interaction with other people.

Most guys in my agegroup don't even have a girlfriend,so I think it's completely normal to be "still" single at that age,but some people are a little bit pre-mature and have had sex with 5 people or more and lost their virginity at 13 or 14.Some girls also asked me if I am still a virgin,and I don't know why the fuck they ask me that.Maybe because I look or sound experienced,maybe they have interested in me,maybe just because I am just sixteen? Anyway,of course I am an honest person and tell them that I have never had sex,and that I have also never even had a girlfriend or kissed a girl.They stare at me in disbelieve for some reason and after some seconds they ask me,and I quote "How it is possible to be still a virgin at 16".

Of course,these people are insensitive twats and their empathy for other people could fit on a teaspoon.But it still lets me think and makes me quite sad.Maybe it is true what they say,maybe I am incompetent for being a virgin at 16.

But my big question is of course:Is it really that important to have a girlfriend at this age? I mean,maybe it's just because of my mostly negative views on women and my bad personal experiences,but I think most women just drain energy,resources and money off of men and are also manipulative,insensitive and just flat out cold.Of course,there are women who are beautiful human beings,but they're like the needle in the haystack.In theory,a relationship with a woman like that is something extremely worth experiencing and fulfilling,but how often do you find women like that?

I still don't know if I would ever get a girlfriend,but if I don't,I just thought buying myself a hooker (at age 20 or so) is not going to make a huge difference.Most girls I have met are incredibly shallow and stupid anyways,and they would probably cost me more than a hooker if I think about it mathematically and financially.Losing my virgnity to a hooker is,I admit,most likely a shitty idea and quite pathetic,but I don't think I don't have any choice to be honest.

Now,this was quite a long ramble and I feel relieved to have it off my chest.If you have read until now,I would appreciate if you could give me some advice,tips and comments about my current situation and your experiences with women and relationships (especially when you were my age).Thanks for reading!

the_grindel · Jun 22, 2016

Hello there!

This is something that I have seen a lot on this site and in everyday life.
My response is always the same: If you want to be in a relationship just because everyone else says you should, it isn't worth it. Forget everyone who gives you flak about being a virgin. Forget everyone who gives you flak about being single.

As for losing for your virginity to a hooker, I have never heard of that going well. There is potential for a huge regret there, and I think that it would probably be a huge letdown. In my experience, sex with someone who you love and respect is infinitely better than sex with a person you don't care about. It always feels weird afterwards, sorta like PMO. I would find myself thinking, "Why in the Hell did I do that?"

It's worth mentioning that your thoughts on women are entirely wrong. Of course there are women who are just leeches, but it isn't solely a female problem. Many men do this too. The better way to look at this would be to realize that women are people that have desires and problems and great accomplishments and failures, just like you. When you view them as the humans that they are, it becomes easier to relate to them and maybe develop a relationship if you so please.
It won't happen if you view them as manipulative and shitty. Any relationship you have while believing this will be basically a time bomb.

Everyone at your age is still working on figuring out how things work and who they are. It's uncharted territory, the whole romantic relationship thing. If it isn't time and you aren't ready/don't want it, don't force it.

If you have any specific questions, I'll do my best to answer.

All the best!

-Grindel

Lou · Jun 23, 2016

@the_grindel My views on women are mostly based on my own personal experiences and subjective judgement.This is a great barrier,but I do my best to overcome it.Sure,there are some nice girls out there,even in my class and in my school.But I am a shy loner and it's hard for me to establish a relationship and open up to girls.The last time I did I was hurt and treated like shit.I confessed to a girl I have liked for a long time,she just didn't take it seriously and treated me like some kind of freak and weirdo afterwards.I have failed many times with women,and I don't feel like failing again,I just can't take the humiliation and emberassment.

Now,of course there are girls I like,but as I said,I have extremely negative experiences with women and I am afraid if I say to a girl that I like her and that I want to go on a date with her or something like that,she's just going to laugh at me and treat me like crap.Why the fuck would I want to experience that all over again? They say you just have to try again and again and sometimes it's going to work out.I know I sound quite pessimistic and pathetic,but I don't think it's going to work for me no matter how many times I try.How do I find the courage to open up to a girl I like and what do I say to her?

Bartimaeus · Jun 23, 2016

Trying to be respectful, but honest here. The teenage male brain is not a tame beast. Your libido is wild and every carnal urge you have is to mate. It can get you into trouble. You can get addicted to hookers, "massages," escorts, etc. (plenty of stories like that on these forums). It can get you STDs. It can get you in jail for statutory rape (as it did to an acquaintance of mine).

I actually remember being your age and actually being scared that I'd die before having sex. Looking back on this, I regret having lost that mental energy that could have been used to enjoying being young and experiencing life.

Sex will come to you. You don't need to chase it. If you do chase it, it could ruin your life and steal all the other blessings you have.

If, however, you can master yourself now, as a young man, the world will be your oyster and you will have an enormous head start on all your peers.

I know my words have much to compete with in your urges. But if there's any part of you that aspires to real happiness and greatness, you'll hear the wisdom in what I have said and cling to it, even as the rest of you fights so strenuously against it.

Godspeed

silenteagle · Jun 24, 2016

Bartimaeus said: ↑

Trying to be respectful, but honest here. The teenage male brain is not a tame beast. Your libido is wild and every carnal urge you have is to mate. It can get you into trouble. You can get addicted to hookers, "massages," escorts, etc. (plenty of stories like that on these forums). It can get you STDs. It can get you in jail for statutory rape (as it did to an acquaintance of mine).

I actually remember being your age and actually being scared that I'd die before having sex. Looking back on this, I regret having lost that mental energy that could have been used to enjoying being young and experiencing life.

Sex will come to you. You don't need to chase it. If you do chase it, it could ruin your life and steal all the other blessings you have.

If, however, you can master yourself now, as a young man, the world will be your oyster and you will have an enormous head start on all your peers.

I know my words have much to compete with in your urges. But if there's any part of you that aspires to real happiness and greatness, you'll hear the wisdom in what I have said and cling to it, even as the rest of you fights so strenuously against it.

Godspeed
Click to expand...

As good as it gets!

Lou · Jun 24, 2016

@Bartimaeus Your comment is extremely helpful and sincere,thanks! I just hope what you say will come true. To be honest,my sexual urges are not my first priority,which is quite unusual for a boy my age. My first priority is to be strong and healthy,my second priority is to be successfull and happy in life. Relationships and sex are near the bottom,which is where they belong in my opinion.

Tassleh0ff · Jun 26, 2016

Lou,
I empathize with you strongly. I started my porn addiction in 6th grade, and it has continued to plague me. I lost my virginity at 23, and yes, I had some women, and men make fun of me for it. I actually tried to use an escort to lose my virginity at 19- I was humiliated, as the woman took my money, gave me a massage, then demanded I leave because she thought I was too young. I refused to leave, so her pimp came in and told me to leave or else. I ended up $200 poorer, and full of shame. Yes, it is hard to date. I was nothing but respectful in my dating activities, but I never seemed to find the one. Well, I'm married with a son @ 28 today. Keep trying, don't get jaded, make sure you learn from every dating experience: think, I don't want a woman like that again, or maybe I messed up by being too needy, etc.

You sound like you have the right attitude Lou. Stick to it and you'll do better than I did. Also remember that the end goal of a relationship isn't sex, it's just one healthy part of the bargain!

Ikindaknew · Jun 26, 2016

Lou said: ↑

I'm sixteen and have never had a girlfriend.Most likely just because of my previously shitty social skills and my general social anxiety.Pornography and fapping also had a tremendously negative effect on how I viewed women.I started watching porn at quite an early age,9 or 10 I think.I always thought of it as kind of an escape and that it's probably going to be the only way I would ever experience sex anyway,so I just indulged in it for years.This had very negative effects,of course,which affected my social life and my social interaction with other people.

Most guys in my agegroup don't even have a girlfriend,so I think it's completely normal to be "still" single at that age,but some people are a little bit pre-mature and have had sex with 5 people or more and lost their virginity at 13 or 14.Some girls also asked me if I am still a virgin,and I don't know why the fuck they ask me that.Maybe because I look or sound experienced,maybe they have interested in me,maybe just because I am just sixteen? Anyway,of course I am an honest person and tell them that I have never had sex,and that I have also never even had a girlfriend or kissed a girl.They stare at me in disbelieve for some reason and after some seconds they ask me,and I quote "How it is possible to be still a virgin at 16".

Of course,these people are insensitive twats and their empathy for other people could fit on a teaspoon.But it still lets me think and makes me quite sad.Maybe it is true what they say,maybe I am incompetent for being a virgin at 16.

But my big question is of course:Is it really that important to have a girlfriend at this age? I mean,maybe it's just because of my mostly negative views on women and my bad personal experiences,but I think most women just drain energy,resources and money off of men and are also manipulative,insensitive and just flat out cold.Of course,there are women who are beautiful human beings,but they're like the needle in the haystack.In theory,a relationship with a woman like that is something extremely worth experiencing and fulfilling,but how often do you find women like that?

I still don't know if I would ever get a girlfriend,but if I don't,I just thought buying myself a hooker (at age 20 or so) is not going to make a huge difference.Most girls I have met are incredibly shallow and stupid anyways,and they would probably cost me more than a hooker if I think about it mathematically and financially.Losing my virgnity to a hooker is,I admit,most likely a shitty idea and quite pathetic,but I don't think I don't have any choice to be honest.

Now,this was quite a long ramble and I feel relieved to have it off my chest.If you have read until now,I would appreciate if you could give me some advice,tips and comments about my current situation and your experiences with women and relationships (especially when you were my age).Thanks for reading!
Click to expand...

I was a virgin until 18yo.
Now I'm 43 and had sex with only two different women, that both were my wife. I'm with my second wife for 20 years now.
You don't have to "screw like a rabbit" to be happy.

Good on you for being willing to stop porn, you are very smart to be here at 16yo. You are the man! Do it!
Honestly, I couldn't keep an erection with my wife because of that porn shit! Now I'm good, but that was nasty. and my wife was so sad to know I was fapping in my computer room

Rav70 · Jun 29, 2016

I was your age in the 80s and being a virgin, not being a virgin was talked about a lot in school and between friends. It was always a huge deal.. When you get older you look back and think WTF... Who cares.
I think it has to deal with immaturity mostly. What's the most "grown up" thing a kid can do... Sex. Oooooh!
I was 18 when I did the deed. Wish I would of waited cause it was just a casual hookup.
Don't stress enjoy your youth.

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Relationship ramble

Lou Fapstronaut

the_grindel Fapstronaut

Lou Fapstronaut

Bartimaeus Fapstronaut

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Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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