I need help please, getting or helping my husband to stop lying

What are the topics that he lies about? Porn?
Well, that's a given, for way too many reasons.

However, on a larger scheme of things, some people are either sociopaths or narcissists, those 2 are related but different, but they both lie uncontrollably about anything and everything. Unfortunately I have dealt with a few of those in my life, and I am dealing with one these days in my business (not for long).

In some ways he's probably lying to himself, making all sorts of excuses to justify his behavior.

This is an interesting article https://relationshipedia.me/2015/07/13/narcissists-vs-sociopaths-11-key-similarities-differences/.

Wishing you the best of luck.

 

as an addict. I've lied to my wife for bo other reason than in my head I was protecting her.
now I know I've lied cause I was a coward and couldn't face disappointment. I buried my head in the sand and tough the storm would pass.
fanos has helped us a lot. it opens up the lines of communication. feelings are heard. listening to your partner opens up so many new doors. addicts lie it is part of the mess. but until I truly believed I had other issues I kept lying. I hurt my wife on so many levels and regrets, shame guilt you name it. I'm on the straight and narrow now and don't want to change course. I love looking at her and seeing her smile back at me means the world. hope your road to a healthy relationship is pretty smooth. good luck

 

it is amazing. but my thing is I have to work harder at bringing the subject up. my wife has to ask me questions and stuff to get me going. I'm still pushing it in when I should be the one starting the conversations. I hate that I'm like that but I know I have still a lot of work to do. it is a process to control the urges. work around my triggers. and not hurt the one I love.

 

Hi Chefbass
I believe being truthful as long as its done in a calm and positive way it will work out as everyone has problems with self medication to deal with life.
But PMO is more addictive than nicotine or alcohol and destroys relationships if not addressed in my opinion now after confessing to being a addict for a lot of our marriage.
Our minds are just after too much candy that is free and available but your partner is more important as she is real.
Good luck we all need it

 

He has to want to stop. Until he makes the decision it will not end. Quitting was the best thing I ever did. For myself and for my marriage.

 

Surely if you are honest it is salvageable as it is not technically involving another woman or an affair just a weakness to your way of coping if brain is noisy as hell and would the partner understand if they were not an addictive type ?
Any replies would be appreciated as only new to forum

 

Married

 

Thanks for your reply appreciated what does SO stand for as cannot find the meaning for it ?

 

Ok thanks point taken and ta for SO explanation

 

No probs

 

@lifebythedrop that was a good way to put it. If it doesn't belong to your relationship, both of you as a team, as one acting unit, then it is cheating.

 

Imagine your wife fantasizing about some guy other than you when you are together. Your body, your abilities in bed are not good enough to arouse her. She'd rather lie to you and say she's not feeling well than have sex. Once you are asleep she talks to men online, watches them and pleasures herself instead.
How is that not cheating? In some aspects it's more hurtful then actually cheating. You'd rather watch people have sex and mo then have sex with me?!
I think that mentality of "I'm not actually cheating" is why so many men can't commit to stop. They need to wake up and realize it is cheating!!

 

So I have not read the whole thread, but will speak to myself and can kind of pull in experiences in general to discuss lying. People avoid confrontation when they are at a disadvantage. It does not feel good to be wrong so if we can instill foubt in the other person, then we are not alone in being wrong. Its more compounded when your are invested in a relationship because being wrong can mean possibly losing your investment. Bringing the evidence right to someone and raising the issue puts a person immediately at a disadvantage or bringing up past events/nagging can have similar effects. If you can try to voice your opinion in a non attacking manner or ask for his opinion with an open mind, youre more likely to get the truth. Maybe even an admission of guilt if he feels that youre open to help. I have yet to meet someone who wont lie if they are backed into a corner.
If the lying continues, its your call, ask him for suggestions because the lying is something that is becoming unbearable. At some point you have to be ready to pull the plug.

 

Very well said.