Hope to start tomorrow

5th day no MO ! I went to Bible Services this morn and I feel better not to felt that i just Ejaculated an hour before attending , then feeling guilty before God . I know Masturbation is a biological act and not cursed by him but its whats in your mind that matters to him . Heres a thought , Jesus , born here as an infant and grew into a Spiritual Man , the gap between when he was 12 till he's baptized in the Jordan is not in the scriptures , its not important , my point is , he went thru puberty just as you and I did , with normal feelings , did he have wet dreams and erections ? Sure he did , but as he grew to be an adult he focused on his ministry and put impure thoughts far from his mind and loved us all . Im typing out these words and and want to make room in my life , a life of good things , not just a life wasted by MO / PMO .

 

Before i log out , I wanted to ask , other than MO , What is the Diff between MO and regular sex four or 5 times a week ? Isnt it the same effect on the body ? Orgasms an orgasm isnt it ?

 

Ive been 6 days now same as before ! Woke to a chubby went back down & NoFap . Yikes , so easy lube was on the nite stand , I'm committed to kick this habit . So day 7 starts a record ,( 14 days back in my 20's ) two years ago 1 week (when I stayed with my brother, which is odd cuz he used to Fap in our room when i was a kid he thought i was asleep ) , so just about every day, at least once (sometimes 3 or 4) I MO . I'll make it happen , is it hopeless ?

 

Six days maybe seven now , NoFap , good ! I Woke up with no erection today which is not unusual but should I tell ? I'm going to anyway. This is what I do and have thought for years this was self destructive and realize it is. When I'm not erect in the morning I force my self into getting hard either by stroking my balls or touching my nipple, then I MO ,get my rush , used to be i had rush poppers too ,for a better O . I got rid of poppers months ago . Still id fap , or fuck my fleshlite up until I found nofap , I went a week fell 3 times now I'm good again , I pray a lot to god for help ,been reading good things not porn , (bible helps too ) , riding my peddle bike around ( dropped some weight a little ) , Not having the morning wood is a blessing in miss it sometimes just want to know still working , I really want to clear this shit out my head ,live normal like everyone else .

 

Day eight , same as yesterday , no morning wood , got up got to work feel good , but deep in my soul i kinda miss it , I'm not gonna start up again , feelings of lonely, but okay, I wish someone could stay with me , help me along , & understand . This will probably be difficult , like diet exercise loosing weight . Dropping 60 lbs , which I did and keeping it off , is probably easier than this is . I'm always the fish going up stream. We live in such a sexual driven society . I look at my buddy and so wish I could have his life . Pretty young wife , both inexperienced with sex so they can grow together in love . I just fucked up my life so bad with selfishness and porn masturbation and shallow hookups , I doubt I will ever recover hopefully I will. - J

 

Day 9 woo-hoo! Woke a little depressed a friend treated me not so nice a day before, forgive and move on , watched NoFap videos this morning he makes sense and he really seems to care about us succeeding. So no MO today !

 

On my commute I drove past an Adult bookstore today busy with cars . Ive been a patron there many many times , i know the routine , its disgusting to me now i never want to go in there again . i may have to find a new way around but due to the road construction in our town , forces me to use that route . I know whats inside the store . There are several around town been in 'em all . I think about somthing else , look at my watch , turn up the radio ( dont care what song ) , look in my rear view , anything but look over at the building . It must be working cuz no need to want to go inside . !

 

I did the math ... over 43yrs = 15,480 days ,give or take 4 X's aday some or none here and there , thats how many times ive prob cum by JO , 43 yrs ! Ive lasted at least 10 days now , wow !

 

Ten days now ! Laying here waking up , I can feel my balls churning andmy dick getting harder, I so want to but will try to hold back , no porn though can't stand porn , should I enjoy a orgasm or hold out , it been ten days .

 

I rolled over thought about something else , got off to work , NoFap , mornings the worst for me , I'm expecting a nocturnal emission soon I think who knows at 54 yrs old lol

 

I feel so good now about not Maturbating it been 10 days ! I celebrated by riding my jetski tonight .... Naked .... for 10 min in a secluded area . Just natural , un inhibited , in the warm water , sunset , lifes good today , i just cant describe the feeling of being free . It wasnt sexual in any way , of course be careful if u try this , but once n a while blow off some steam . Live life i may never get another chance to do this again ever , wow what a feeling ! Warm summer air all over my body . ( next time a selfie lol ) .

 

Day 11 ! Anyone else enjoy rubbing their chest ? Is that a type of masturbation , I like the feeling of my hand on the hairs it is arousing got hard but NoFap. Should I enjoy an orgasm today ? I'm sorta wondering if it still works ? Lol , I need to get up but it's Saturday.

 

I let it go ! Got up got going had a good breakfast , NoFap , no MO guess what day 12 tomorrow ! I have to admit i do sorta have this empty feeling inside , but my head is clear im just going to keep going with this and keep posting

 

Today was a good day ! I met up with my friend who I thought I had an issue with and quess what no issue , relief , we're good ! I love him to death . I used to think about wanting to Fap with him as buddies but now I'm not flapping those feelings are leaving me along with some depression, but I do get lonely some. This may be a bit juvenile ,I'm 54 , but I'd like to have someone in my bedroom to talk to as I go to sleep and wake up , not a bed partner , is that crazy .? Not since I was 9 when my brother moved out, always slept alone , I need to keep clean , day 12 just around the corner .

 

Twelve Days now ! I can't believe it , I'm trying to put the masturbation habit away and refocus . So far pretty good. I been channeling some energy riding my peddle bike on some trails and around neighborhood . However , I fell off my bike last night and hurt my elbow and leg . Cement sidewalks and curbs hurt but scrapes and bruises go away. Like porn scars it will heal. Didn't god make a wonderful body . I wanna take care of mine , Praise his name , not waste my seed in a worthless way . We're not robots everyone of us is different with free choice. I'm not perfect and will fall short but I can try . Put away triggers . I can pray as often as I want channel energy and meditate. - J