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Couch'd

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by JimmyR, Jul 19, 2016.

  1. JimmyR

    JimmyR Fapstronaut

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    I did it to myself really, and now I am banished to this prison of a couch for the foreseeable future. PMO and a few other character flaws have gotten the best of me and turned me into the worst human I've ever felt I've been. My loving supportive partner didn't deserve the way I treated her, or the lies I tried feeding her whilst trying to cover up my disgusting, embarrassing PMO habit. Now I'm in the doghouse and I wake up with cold stress sweats. Sorting through my thoughts is like trying to peel the layers of an onion away one by one only to find a putrid, rotting core in the middle. I've been having this re-occuring dream where I stuggle to open my eyes as if I'm doped up or they're held shut by rubber bands, and when I finally get them open it's still pitch black. I scream but there is no echo. The air is too thin to get a decent breath of air. In reality I know she is pleased with my reboot but I have a lot of work to do on myself before she is a happy woman again. It's been like living with a stranger, or sometimes a grizzly bear. I feel like a butterfly could land on my shoulders and she'd find a way to get mad about it. This woman is amazing and sweet and kind and I'm so ashamed my actions have turned her this way. She is laying in our bed in the other room right now and I want nothing more than to hold her, even just for a moment. I'm not asking any of you to feel sorry for me and I don't want that. I know there are worse situations out there than mine by far. This is just my beacon from the dark side.
     
  2. Bandit6of10

    Bandit6of10 Fapstronaut

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    It's a hard reality when you wake up and realize you're hurting the person you love. That you've been willing to lie to yourself about your addiction, desperately tryin to hide it, walk that line between IT and them... you don't want to but you're brain on p will lie to you in its never ending attempt to get a dopamine hit.
    You get to choose... couch and pmo or a relationship with yourself. Yes you. You're the one you've been lying to. And yes you lie to you her to. Heaven forbid you get honest with her. That'll mean you'll have to get honest with yourself.
    The p fog is hard to see thru. I'm on my 3rd marriage. A few weeks before our wedding she cought me PMO'ing. She was devastated, I was scared straight. More like startled awake.
    I know how the couch feels... you got work to do if you love and want this relationship to work.
    You guys have a lot to talk about. You need to get honest with yourself... addiction is a deasease not a morality issue. You are a good man. You know the man you want to be...
    So get to work, find a good sex addiction therapist. Work with him. He may suggest a SAA group.
    You and your partner need to understand this is a disease. Check out YourBrainOnPorn.com it could help.
    Be gentle on youself, be venerable and present with her. She can only support you. You cannot look to her to help fix you. It's your addiction not hers.
    Secreats will kill a relationship. So being honest and open about everything, is essencial... yes even if you relapse. That's tha hard part about being vulnerable... I told a man in my group that, "it takes a man to be vulnerable."

    You're a good man. Glad you're here. And I feel you pain...
     
    AnotherWay likes this.
  3. Glad that you choose to fix yourself, and that way, your relationship. I am sure it is hard to see people beloved to us turned away from us. What in the past stays in the past. The most important thing is that you have chosen to get up, walk forward, and fight. One day, your feeling and effort will reach her, then she will understand
     
  4. 70DegreesNorth

    70DegreesNorth Fapstronaut

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    Mate, you gotta love yourself. Yes, addition got you into a shitty place and due to that addition you probably did some shitty things but the 'real' you is the voice in your head telling you to fight it and wanting to love and hold your woman. Separate yourself from the addition. It's happening to you, neurochemicals flying around your brain but it is not you. You are here on this site. You are fighting. You are sensitive to what your woman needs. You want the best life for the two of you. Love that part of yourself if you can't love anything else yet.

    As a woman, I'll give you some advice regarding your partner. Chances are she's feeling insecure and scared as hell about what's happening. It's tough to show that vulnerable side to the person you perceive as being the root of the hurt so it comes out as rage instead. She will need non-verbal comforting. If she's open to it do things like; hug her, stroke her hair, hold her hand and be present while you are. If she's not open to physical touch yet you can engage in eye contact, deep listening to her etc. Any kind of non-sexual bonding behaviour is going to help calm her (and you) and help her feel less insecure about the whole thing.

    Good luck, mate!
     

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