Feel lonely without love. Please help!!!

nomster,
Being so far away from family and for so long is such a difficult challenge to undertake. I'm just ending a night where I had to say goodbye to a woman who kind of terrified me because she was so engaged in life and open with exploring so many things.... and she doesn't have room in her life for me, even if I wasn't leaving.

That sucks and hurts so much and I feel a bit lost like you and unsure.

But I do feel loved and belonging with my faith community, and other people get that from running groups or music friends, or anyone you can feel yourself with and a sense of connection.

Seek out something that is outside of a romantic relationship with a woman or what ever, and maybe just find a place you can feel at home with that's built of peace, respect, and inclusion.

Anyhow, I"m rambling. It's been a really hectic past couple of weeks, and seems like it's been a really hectic past few years for you.

Good luck, I'll hold you in the light

 

I am giving you my answer to your question: "if you were in my position, what would have done?"

First and foremost you need to stop thinking of yourself and living your life in terms of someone else. You need to do thing for yourself, and be happy for yourself, put yourself first (in a healthy way).

So, for starters, stop Fapping NOW, and do it for yourself.

Don't think in terms of meeting a woman, think in terms of being social. For starters, talk to people. Talk with everyone and anyone, make or female, young or old, good looking or ugly. No agenda, the agenda is to talk with them, not to them.

At the bus stop, supermarket, laundry mat, anywhere. At times they will engage with you, at times they will not. It doesn't matter. Try to say something appropriate but not cliche. You see someone reading a book, you say you read books, so ask them what they are reading. Maybe a conversation will follow, maybe they will ignore you. It doesn't matter.

Pursue your interests that have a social component. While reading and play guitar are great interests to pursue, they are not very social. But you can make them so. Join a book club, join a jamming session or a group guitar lesson class. Meetup.com is a good start. If there's nothing in there, start your own meetup. Also join other meetups of things that interest you.
Again the agenda is not to talk to pretty women that you are attracted to, the agenda is to talk and socialize with anyone.

This is what will happen. Some of these people are going to be women to whom you'll be attracted to, some of them will be attracted to you as well. That's the start, from a conversation let things escalate naturally from there.

And stop fapping,

 

Women can smell desperation. I like what Drift offered. You need to engage life, get involved, continue getting to know who you are.

One other thing. Get clear about the person you want in your life. Be as detailed as possible... Journel about her, storyboard about her, hold that desire in your heart, knowing that the universe will provide. When the universe knows what you want it will provide. It's the way of it. Then stop looking. She'll show up.

 

Hi brother, we are on the same boat. Just like you, I fapped when I am lonely, and and then I become lonelier. There are also many times when I feel no one beside me, or enjoy being with me, or asking me out for meet up. If you got rejected by girls for the past 3.5 years, I got rejected countless times for the past 3 years just for asking my female friends to meet up.

Fortunately, at that time, a distant friend advised me to not let my happiness relied on others. After that, I try to enjoy being with myself (not by fapping, of course). I tried to befriend my lonely self, enjoy being alone without being lonely.

What I said might be cliche, but it is important to enjoy whatever state you are in, be it single, be it in relationship

 

A video that can give you something you can work on : Self-love. You're looking too much outside, and not inward, standing on your own legs. Standing and been okay, for been alone. And that's one of the things almost all of lack which is self-love. Sustaining our self, and been okay that someone else is happy even if we're not there.

Do check this video for more details

 

Man, I can identify with this so much. That's why I was relapsing for the past few weeks in 3-day cycles: I would convince myself to stop but then three days in, without the chemical rush in my brain, the loneliness would get to me and I would ask myself what's the point. Worse yet, I would convince myself that I was justified in seeking to O. from P. & M.

Right now, I've crossed 4 days and being very careful of what thoughts I allow to enter my mind. I'm keeping my mind on work right now and things I'm excited for in the future. Since you're also working, surely there must be some upcoming projects that excite you. I've got a few, so I'm focusing on preparing for those. I've also got a few activities planned for the next couple weeks so I'm looking forward to those.

I think that intimacy is a basic human desire. What P. offers us is a brief surge of chemicals that numb our brains from the intimacy starvation. I agree with @larrylarrylarry forget about looking for women and a relationship and focus on you. I know it's easier said than done but the alternative is to stew in feelings of misery and inadequacy.

 

yeah without love we would feel lonely. however, i doubt a girl would fulfill your loneliness. being single or being in a relationship can be both frustrated too.

 

I feel the same like you man, I'm 21 entrepeneur who is building ecommerce business, reading a lot of books from mentors like Elon Musk (my favorite) Sam Walton, Warren Buffett, Arnold schwarzenegger...To know how to invest money and to crush it on life and make an impact. I go to Gym as well to do heavy weights on a specific zone of my body focusing (this 8 weeks chest).

Yes Reading, Working, Learning, Testing, Gym and Nofap but No one single women on my life, but that's because I want to be like this.

Months Ago nomster2104 I had a GF, very beautiful girl and she cares a lot of me and It feels like really good to be loved, because you have this validation. But I had decided to dump her with an excuse because she was like a distraction on my big goals on life.

Every morning/night tons of messages
Lot of time exchanging photos
Lots of time telling me how Special I was and bla bla bla
Making plans and talking lot of time texting so I couldn't sleep well
She was on my mind 24/7, my productivity crushed down

If you are like me, A very logical and analytical man, It's better now give up the temptation to find girls and switch up that energy on work, on yourself, and on business.Crush it on life.
Then with that worthy factor and confidence the high quality womans will come to you very easy man and you could pick to have a GF from an abundance mindset, and thats the key.

You have a friend here, we are on the same boat

 

I really appreciate your message but if I have for some special reaseon; love at firsht sight, I will defenetely try to make that girl my girlfriend, Only if my instinct tell me to go, because I fear the "what if's"

You nomster2104 have to promise me one thing, that if you really want to have a GF (that is totally right for you if you want a romantic partner)

Just Don't go for the dark side: Online Dating.

There is nothing right and good there, the first reason is that online dating looks like P... (pixel images of tons and tons of women) that will affect your brain like P and make you urges.
The second is that girls some are bots, some only wants the validation and pass the time and it's common sense that no worthy girl will ever be on Online sites/Apps.

I think that most people have the GF that they not really like, only because the girl showed interest on them with very unhealthy life and mediocre goals on life.

I think that is better invest on yourself (books,healthy and doing the reboot) and when your instinct tells you that this girl on special is the right, then dont fear the "what if's" and say approach her (I think that with the right rebooting you will have the courage to do it, that's why we are doing this!)

 

I am just curious though, did you actually watch the video? Wondering. @nomster2104

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Seth Godin :

Every day, we change. We move (slowly) toward the person we'll end up being.

Not just us, but our organizations. Our political systems. Our culture.

Are you more generous than the you of five or ten years ago? More confident? More willing to explore?

Have you become more brittle? Selfish? Afraid?

Grumpy and bitter isn't a place we begin. It's a place we end up.

Do we intentionally choose the optimistic path? Are we eagerly more open to change and possibility?

Every day we make the hard decisions that build a culture, an organization, a life.

Since yesterday, since last week, since you were twelve, have you been making deposits or withdrawals from the circles of supporters around you?

People don't become selfish, hateful and afraid all at once. They do it gradually.

When we see the dystopian worlds depicted in movies and books, are we closer to those outcomes than a generation ago? Do we find ourselves taking actions that make our conversations more considered, our arguments more informed, our engagements more civil? Or precisely the opposite, because it's easier?

Your brand, your company, your community: it has so much, is it still playing the short game?

When your great-grandfather arrives by time machine, what will you show him? What have you built, what are you building? When your great-grandchildren remember the choices we made, at a moment when we actually had a choice, what will they remember?

We are always becoming, and we can always make the choice to start becoming something else, if we care.

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Just sharing something off of Seth Godin blog (I read his emails daily) Alias, I hope all the best on your journey towards becoming the person whom you want to be.

 

It seems like fapping is messing up your testosterone and making you depressed. And also, here's a thing I've learned about women: women are pets. They like to be treated that way and thought of that way. When you find a woman, it won't turn out like a romantic comedy. Women won't solve all your problems or take away your loneliness. Females are just interesting little distractions. Nice to have, but not necessary. Once you get one, you'll have some much shit to do and no time for yourself. Then you'll probably look back on the time that you were single and think of those as your happiest days.