Nature vs nurture for high sex-drive?

It doesn't work that way. Even in modern times abandoning children is a pretty sure way to reduce their chances in life. But historically, evolutionarily, getting a women pregnant and abandoning her would be likely as as good as killing her.

 

While that might be true for some animals, I agree that the idea of impregnating woman and then abandoning her is nonsensical for human ape. But at the same time it makes sense for a male to be biologically inclined to mate with multiple females, in order to maximize possibilities of having the genes passed onward. The most likely scenario is that our natural group structure used to be very similar to other primates that we can see today. We probably did live in small groups with an alpha male who's responsibility was to protect his offsprings, females and the whole group, while at the same time whole group protecting each other. So basically we lived in harems. Kinda like the social structure of Gorillas.

 

I am old enough to have grown up without the internet and generally without access to P. My sex drive has always been relatively high (1-2 times daily) from the time I first started to date. Even fairly large swings in testosterone levels haven't managed to significantly change my overall frequency. It also did not budge much whether or not I was in a relationship or had access to sex. Tending strongly to the biological side for me. Current age 36 and still going strong.

 

I don't understand how you guys are measuring sex-drive? For me as an addict I can easily fall in a mode of M-ing multiple times a day. All that actually measures if anything is my particular balance between soreness of my skin vs soreness of balls... balanced against my weakness of will and slavish adherence to my emotions of discomfort.... which is not much of a measure of anything. I also used to think the sexual thoughts were a measure of how much I wanted sex... but that too is untrue. The biggest eye opener was finally reaching reboot and seeing what I thought was core to my being receding into the background, not disappearing but just not being as important. Looking back the emotional and physical sensations I associated with wanting sex were never actually as big a deal as I made them out to be, somehow for me (most of us) it becomes easy to become preoccupied with them and addicted to them... but it's a choice. Or lets say, to be fair: a whole array of choices and agreements that become lodged in our brain and that, out of some combination of laziness and despair (also choices) we accept as being part of who we really.

 

Sex-drive can only drive you if you let it sit in front of the steering wheel. There are many stages. It can be either the driver, or a pilot, or a guy sitting in passenger seat screaming in your ear where to go, or a calm guy in a passenger seat that doesn't talk much, or a guy with handcuffs and mouth plug on in the trunk, or not in the car at all. That's how I measure how strong it is, by how much it is in control.

I also don't think there even is such a thing as sex drive when you think about it. There is reproductive drive however. You can feel it in your body when you see a woman. The chemicals are released (just as they are released when watching porn, dopomine and everything), heart beats faster, you want to smell her, touch her, connect with her, etc. That's your body telling you that it wants to reproduce and that this is a potential, good mate. And that is the purpose of sexual activity. But when you call it just "sex drive" instead of for what it is; a reproductive drive, you are devaluing it to every sexual activity, such as watching porn or masturbating. At that point those activities are all considered sex drive.

So when a guy feels the need to "scratch and itch" by masturbating or using porn, or getting his girlfriend to give him a head for the matter, or anything of such nature, he mistakes it for sex drive. When in fact it may just be an addictive urge created by messed up hormonal system and brain pathways. It has nothing to do with reproduction at all. So, according to my definition, just because we feel the urge to MO or PMO, or have sex daily, or more does not necessary mean that we have a high sex drive.

 

It is a very interesting question. I am very much measuring drive in terms of personal refractory period after orgasm. For the sake of discussion, lets say I remove PMO from the picture all together and am in the context of a healthy active sexual relationship. Given a healthy relationship, diet, sleep, good exercise (mental and physical), there comes a point after O where urges start to build. I would define a frequency point in that context such that those urges interfere more with my other life activities and they start to throw off the balance of my existence a bit. Not in any dangerous sense, but more in a sense where I have to use excessive techniques to gently move my mind away from sex and toward other important things. At some regular and periodic juncture, it makes sense to O. In my case, and under those circumstances, that happens once or twice daily (tending toward once).

Try raising the frequency (I have ) and I simply get diminishing marginal returns. Less than that and I there is too much time spent in maintenance handling urges. So the balance or frequency point dictates what I consider to be a very natural point of sex drive. At that point, actions in the form of O handle safely the notion of having excessive thoughts (after O there wouldn't be too many thoughts as a point of satisfaction is reached and the mind naturally pursues other activities having satisfied the natural urge to reproduce). So understanding what sex drive means to me is much about understanding the balance and moderation that it takes to incorporate sex into a healthy functional lifestyle. I often err and think that others may conceive of sex drive as I do, and of course I am wrong.

Edit: I also read Shugi Shugis's response and I may very well be describing the natural drive to reproduce and am somewhat mixing terms.

 

I think you are only describing how you manage your addiction to a sex. A lot of people on this site make distinctions between using porn or not or masturbating or not or sex with an actual person or not. Theoretically these can probably make a difference... but for me they are all the same. All different ways to get the same fix. I score to feel better.

Urges are just your body/subconscious anticipating having sex. You have trained it to the point that it knows when a certain tiny shift happens in your prostate or balls that you will soon after make an orgasm happen. If you don't give yourself this reward immediately your body/subconscious will scream louder. You have to actually reach reboot to get free from this.