Each new day

The hope grows. No relapses yet, though I have been close. Each day feels more possible. Each moment is actually easier. And I'm beginning to feel the investment in me.

 

Thanks Septimus. Any threads you recommend?

 

Today is 26 no MO and day 32 no P. WOOHOO!!! Feeling good. 26 no PMO and I am almost 1/3 of the way through a hard mode reboot.

 

I get the sense that we have to do our best to use the community here to a point-hopefully replacing interaction online with real people.

 

Each new day brings enough doubt. Why should we layer on more? Especially from ourselves?

Each new day should bring strength. Happy to layer that on.

 

Closing in on 30 days and feeling conflicted. It is so easy for me to not touch porn now. That's not the problem. The absence of MO is really freaking tough. Really freaking tough. It's really a turning point for me because I'm learning my limits and how much I control in my life. I've learned that I'm very susceptible to addictive anything and that I'm lucky I caught this at 41.

I feel like my brain is a messy file cabinet that is due for a much needed sort and clean. It means going through some old and useless files. But I hope I encounter some that remind me that I am a mostly great human being.

 

30 days! Feels good. Feels so good.

 

Day 31 and today was full of real life. The life I always dreamed of. Good exhausted. Life is meant to be lived with real people. Real fulfillment.

No P. No M. No O. But lots of good life.

 

32. It's doable. Biggest thing I learned today: drink lots of water and don't skip breakfast. Amazing how much eating something and drinking two glasses of water changed my outlook. Really into this. Also, I'm only trying to go 90 days. My wife went through 9 months of pregnancy. It's a trimester. Trying to decide what happens after 90 days. I'm sure the porn will be done. But MO? Hmmmmmm.

 

So here's 33. I got caught up today thinking how grateful I am that I have made it this far. At one month it's become clear to me both how much time I wasted on porn and how much I just don't need it. I'm reading about guys who saved things on hard drives and I was never that deep, but frankly surfing pornhub is no different. Overall the important thing is that I'm done with the stuff. I'm curious what if anything is gonna set off a relapse-if any. I just feel that doing all the meditation and exercises from YouTube and on brain buddy I get that there is no value there. I used to wonder how my dad went without a drop of liquor after AA but now I get it. Frankly I think my smart phone is next to go.

 

34. Feeling strong. Very strong.

 

I think this is day 38. Pleased to say I have lost count because I am too busy living. Lots of family time and fun this weekend with friends. Feeling so positive. Almost halfway with this but day by day is so much easier to handle than the magic number of 90.

 

40. 40 days. And 5 is so easy. I just have to make it to Sunday. And that's 45 and that's halfway. And that's just another 5 away from fifty, which is just 3 weeks from 70 which is less than a month away from getting to 90.

Or I just see how tomorrow goes and continue to make better choices and see how my life gets more cleaned up and what new curtain of fog gets lifted.