Feeling REALLY lonely

I know what you mean, firstly stay strong, I'm sure after a month or two things will change. Just need to keep it straight for that time, not easy I know but it's what it is.

As for the loneliness, I do have to say that I'm blessed by having a great family around me so I don't have so much of that. But even if you haven't that, how about friends? If you haven't any close friends, maybe make some new ones? About a year ago, I found myself not being able to relate to most of my friends, sure we were close but not close enough to see all the time. At the time, I went onto meetup, found groups of people doing things I enjoyed and managed over time to forge some strong friendships through doing activities

HTH

H

 

Loneliness can be very difficult. But as you said, "from time to time", it will pass. Agree with Anon about embracing solitude. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the healthier you will be in a relationship.

I found when I made getting a gf my top priority, I would often feel lonely, focusing on what I didn't have. My first gf happened unexpectedly when I had shifted my focus to doing things I enjoyed. Maybe because I was more self content, I attracted someone. Good luck and remember feelings change.

 

Based on your description, I feel the same. I have these loneliness feelings in surges. It is not really a constant feeling, but I get it from time to time. So you're not alone .

My porn addiction is, I think, not based on this. But I definitely PMO'd to suppress this feeling.

My view is, I think it is not bad to feel this way (but it SUCKS). It is a message from your mind that craves for some intimacy. So it shows that you are healthy. It is however not a good idea to get engulfed by this feeling. I turn it into a motivation to do stuff that makes me feel less lonely, or just to make me more confident (like working out, socializing with friends or new people). However it will never satisfy the need.

So basically, it sucks, but deal with it. Don't focus on it. It helps if you decide consiously what it means to you. Decide how you want to feel, and you will prevent stuff like depression.

 

No, not pathetic at all. Just the way it is and it's all ok. What's more important is how you feel about changing that and then taking the steps to change that.

I don't know how big the place is that you currently live in but have you checked out meetup.com to see if there are any groups doing anything you might find of interest in your area?
Again, I know it's not easy, I just had a similar conversation with my son but find things you really enjoy and do them, I'd suggest something that gets you out of the house, you'll be surprised with how many people you meet. Sure you might not find friends for life but maybe some companions to do fun things with and who knows what can grow from there...

Good luck dude and remember it's only as bad as you decide it to be.

 

Hey man don't feel bad for not having a girlfriend it will happen when you least expect.
I remember by the end of 2013 I was searching for girls to date every were I went(become a little creepy actually). Didn't had any luck so kind of stopped and give it a rest. Beginning of 2014 meet a girl out of nowhere and we were together for a few weeks. I don't think that a girlfriend should be your priority.
You talk about being lonely well figure out why you are lonely and fix it. Go out! you can make friends everywhere. The park, sports event, grocery store...
Just make sure you don't use lowliness as an excuse to watch porn, trust me its not worth it.
Beside by not watching porn you will become less anxious and your social skills will get better.

If I was on your situation this is what I would do:

Keep nofap->Go out-> Make Friends->Get a girlfriend

 

A simple, positive statement. Thanks Ozone20.

Fully understand the loneliness. Have bouts of it myself, it's all linked.

 

Great topic and great advice, yet I still feel a bit lost.
For a few years now I am working on my future as hard as I can.
I am the best at my school, am indipendent, live on my own and am very healthy.
Yet I feel very lonely. I used to supress it by fapping, but now that I quit PMO the lonelyness is killing me.
I don't have any friends, my family isn't really social and I don't have a girlfriend.

All I desire is to have some friends around me to talk to on a daily basis and hang out with regularly.
Some people who I know will support me and love me for who I am.
Why is it so difficult?
I know lot's of people, but no one takes the effort to say hi to me. I álways have to be the one to start the conversation, and as soon as I stop talking, the conversation is dead.

I am scared, because within a few months the summer holidays start. I don't want to be alone in my room for 3 months.
It sounds so silly, but how dó you make friends? "just meet people at the park/mall/etc" isn't so easy for me.

 

I think that Anon said it all, and I'm trying to apply this to my life, I feel very lonely sometimes too despite having a family that always support me and friends I wanna have a girlfriend that loves me too but I realized that I need to focus in my life first and get things right before entering any kind of relationship.

Keep strong guys and God bless!

 

100% agree with this.

 

Completely common thing, I think. But every time I get that way, I do remind myself that having a girlfriend in the past certainly never took loneliness completely out of my life. There are times I've been more lonely in a group of people than when I'm by myself. I mean, that may speak to a couple of different things that made me turn to PMO in the past. People say to just go out with friends more but sometimes going out with friends just doesn't fill the void at all whatsoever and can even be worse when they're always trying to set you up or putting pressure on you to "man up" (or another dumb phrase) and ask a girl out. So, I totally get it. But try just looking around you and being grateful for everything you do have now. Try new things. Do something you feel you've always wanted to try. Read. Write. Listen to music. Get creative.

 

Well, it gets complicated. Every relationship takes work. And even when I had a girlfriend, I would sometimes still look at porn (and yes, I'd be madly in love at the time). I've never met anyone who loves being with someone at every moment. We all need our space. But I do understand loneliness makes us vulnerable. When you get the long relationships (and I don't know if you have experience with one that lasts 2-3 years or something), you will typically encounter problems still. It's just a part of the human relations experience particularly that of the ones with the women folk.

 

I recommend you a few books that have helped me:
1) The Practicing Mind, Thomas M. Sterner.
2) Breakthrough Rapid Reading, Peter Kump.
3) How to Win at College: Surprising Secrets for Success from the Country's Top Students , Cal Newport.
4) So Good They Can't Ignore You, Cal Newport.
5) Not a book, but a software: EYEQ (https://eyeqadvantage.com/)

Why each one?
1) It teaches us the importance and the way of developing skills. I believe that everything requires a certain skill (as Anon exemplified with social relations). Do you want to learn to play a musical instrument? To be a better reader/writer? To be good at sports? It will take time and practice, but if you're into the correct mindset, you'll start to love the process of doing it, of becoming better at something. Another benefit of learning something new: less time to PMO.

2) It doesn't teach you just to "read fast", rather, how to concentrate more on what you're reading and that there're different types of reading.
Also you can try How to Read a Book: The Classic Guide to Intelligent Reading, by Mortimer Adler and How to Speak How to Listen, by the same author.

3) It covers almost all aspects of the organization of study, time and study techniques.

4) About "finding your passion". This book has an opposite view to the common perspective, because it insist much on the "skill" part than the "love" part.

5) It will train your mind and eyes to be more concentrated in what you're reading.

All the books and methods have been read and applied by me. The only exception are Adler's books, but they're an essential reference in the art of reading.

 

solitude is not a problem, how do you deal with it is the problem. I started to improve my reading skills and now I am enjoying reading very much . I suggest learning a a foreign language Spanish, German, Arabic ..etc learning a language will add a lot to your personalty. basically, you learn a new culture when you learn a new language.

salam

 

Musical instrument is another good one. Start or relearn one you did before.