GUIDE: What you need to do in order to recover and end this addiction

This is going to be a very long post, I have invested a lot of time and effort in it with only one purpose. To help as many of you to get rid of this addiction. There won't be TLDR because i couldn't write it in any less words. It had to be done this way. I believe mine advice's are good and they might help you because I've spent a lot of time reading other people journals and exploring mine urges, triggers...
Just by checking people journal's it is easy to say if they are going to succeed or fail this challenge. That is right, NoFap is a challenge for your body and mind. Addiction is really strong, but with right mindset and good preparation you can be free from it and live much better lives.This is going to be a list of tips and tricks, things you should be doing in order to become free. So, let's start.

EXPECT AND PREPARE FOR BAD DAYS - Bad days are normal part of our lives, they come and go. We can't do much about it. And this is when our addiction is strongest, this is when our inner addict will do it's best to convince us that it is fine to relapse. And if we do relapse, you know the results, we get a quick fix, but once we are done with the act, bad days are becoming even worse. You know it's true because you did it many times in the past. Here is one quote I took from the book "The Compound Effect" :
"When conditions are good, you feel great, motivated and everything is going your way, it is easy to keep going. Everyone can do it. But...what do you do when things turn around and you are having a really terrible day? That is when it matters most, your decisions during those moment separates winners from the losers. Learn to endure during difficult times. When you feel like giving up but you keep going, this is when you are separating yourself from your old self. This is when you are growing.
If you want to be extraordinary, don't do what everyone else does during difficult times."
So it is important to remember that stress, fear, anxiety, sadness, loneliness..... are all normal human emotions. But they come and go!! They can't stick forever. Porn offers us a quick fix, but at what costs? We will never learn how to deal with those emotions if we keep using porn as a way to escape from them. I guess, this is why a lot of people report reduces in their anxiety after being free from porn for 90+ days. But, that won't happen in the initial stages of the recovery. In fact, you might be even more anxious than you ever were and you probably will, that is why it is important to...

KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT - Educate yourself about possible withdrawal symptoms because you are not unique, they will happen to you as well. Expect and prepare for them. You can find a good list here: http://husbandhelphaven.com/porn-addiction-withdrawal-walkthrough/
Just because I won't go here in the details, it doesn't mean this isn't important. Check youtube and that link, read as much info as you can, it is important to be prepared.

FIND A ROLE MODEL - Check Success section of this forum often. Ask the people who are clean for 30,60,90,100,200+ days for tips and advice's, check their journal's. In fact, their journal's might be the most valuable thing for you on this website, because in them you will see how they have managed to reach so big number, deal with their urges, what they went trough....

What is common for all the people who have achieved "Big Numbers" ?
1 - They are learning from their mistakes and relapses
2 - They have identified their triggers and they are well aware of them.
3 - They have expected and prepared for bad day's
4 - They knew what to expect and what are the possible withdrawal symptoms
5 - They have found other ways to deal with their emotions

START WRITING A JOURNAL - This is crucial, your journal's should be a place in which you write important things, things like: your triggers, your urges and how you dealt with them, useful tips and advice's that you find on this forum or on the internet, write about your relapses and see why you keep relapsing. In fact, write everything you want, but it is important to write in it daily ( at least during initial stages of recovery ). After all, you don't want to spend the rest of your life writing here. But you just might, because... this site is full of people who are trying to improve their lives, it is hard to find so good community.

IF YOU KEEP RELAPSING OVER AND OVER THAN YOU ARE NOT LEARNING FROM YOUR MISTAKES - Please, take a look at this ( I had to take two picture because it is a long post ):
http://pokit.org/get/img/90c47644f550750afffe3745564e3cfe.jpg
http://pokit.org/get/img/b105f558219c79cf98961420cc1c9d41.jpg
See how much effort has @fookeh invested in identifying what went wrong? He didn't just write: " Fuck, I have relapse Day 1 again ". He's comment is a quality comment and you should do something similar each time you relapse. That is what all successful people do, they do their best to not repeat their mistakes. EXAMPLE: Let's say I have a good looking neighbor who enjoys sunbathing, and I know that she do it every time she gets home from work, let's say at 2 p.m. Now, I know that if I go in mine bedroom and check out of window I will see her there. But every time I did that in the past, I have ended up relapsing. If I keep doing that every time than I am clearly not learning from mine mistakes or I am not identifying mine triggers.

USE THIS COUNTER THING OR AT LEAST CELEBRATE "SMALL" MILESTONES - First of all, don't get me wrong, your goal should be to be free from porn for the rest of your life, you want to end this addiction. But...if you keep relapsing on day 2-3 over and over again, don't you think that setting your goal for 90 days is a bit too much? Not only that, it is demoralizing. Try counting from 1 to 90, chances are you will get bored or you won't even try. 90 day is really a long period of time. What you can do is: you can celebrate those small milestones on your journey. They give you a sens of accomplishment and they motivate you to go even further. There are two kinds of milestones, each 5 days is a great milestone to celebrate! day 5,10,15,20,25,30,35... so as weeks, you should
celebrate on those days as well 7,14,21,28,35. Look at that, day 35 is double milestone! Totally worth celebrating and I am not so far away from it. This shouldn't be done forever, you are doing this just to get started. Starting milestone should be 3, because the hardest part is to start. And being free from porn for three day's feels good.

STAY BUSY APPROACH IS A RECIPE FOR FAILURE - Yes, you heard me right. Although it is a common advice I don't think it is very useful and here is why. By staying busy you are just running away from your problem. You don't get to learn anything by doing so. What what will you do on a bad day? Sure, you will go out and do whatever to keep you busy but what if it isn't enough. What if a bad day stay with you when you go to bed late at night and you are feeling like a shit? You simply must go trough difficult times and endure no matter what. The point is, don't celebrate the number of days and think like you have made a progress. I mean, it is great if you were free from porn for a week or two, but it suck that you have relapsed and that you are going trough the same process again. You clearly didn't learn much and you have most likely relapsed because you had a bad day and wanted to escape from one of the common negative emotions: stress, anxiety, fear, anger, loneliness.... until you learn to stay with them you won't recover.
Staying busy is like watching porn, you are running away. Sooner or later you will be faced with those emotions again, so..what will you do? Have you prepared yourself?
I can't give you the answers to this, if fact, I can but I doubt it will be useful to you, but I will try...

HERE IS WHAT I DO ON A BAD DAYS - I simply notice and acknowledge that I am having a bad day. So, I know that mine inner addict will try it's best to get me to watch porn. I am ready and prepared for it. Once it starts bombarding me with thoughts I practice a meditation technique called "leafs on a stream". I see thoughts as only thoughts and I let them come and go. We can't control what thoughts enter our minds but we can and we do chose on which thoughts we act and we which thoughts we feed.
This is much easier said than done, that is why i doubt this can be useful to many of you. Only a people with some meditation experience might understand what I am saying. ( As of today, I am meditating for 433 days in a row ). Meditation is subject for it self and I won't write about it here. All I can say is that it has helped me to see thoughts as only thoughts, they don't mean anything and I have become much better at handling mine emotions. When I am angry for example, I notice it and I do not allow it to guide mine actions. In the past I reacted like most of the people when they are angry. I did not separate myself from the feeling and I allowed it to take over me. Like you already know, once the anger is gone, you regret what you did... and you feel like that wasn't real you, because you have said things that you would never said, and so on....

SUPPORT OTHER PEOPLE - Don't be lazy, instead of spending time on social medias or any other useless websites you should spend more time here. There are many people here who need help. Sometimes a single like in their journal can make a huge difference. It might push them forward and help them to resist the urge to relapse. Write some comments in other people journal's and support them. They might return the favor by supporting you on your journey. You might also meet a new friends. In short time being here I have already meet some wonderful people who share the same ideas and interest as me. You can do that to if you put some effort.
Check relapse section of the forum ( if you think you can manage it because there might be some triggers ), at the very least you can check newbies section and give new people some advice's. I've been following a lot of journal's in mine age group and I have to say it helps, it keeps me motivated.
Now, when I have some people checking mine journal, it gives me extra reason to not relapse. Of course, I am not afraid of a relapse because I can only profit from it.

STOP USING PORN AS A WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONS - I will quote @i_wanna_get_better1 because there is no way for me to say it any better than this: "Addicts use porn to alter, medicate, numb, sooth, or escape from negative emotions. The more you PMO to deal with stress the more your brain learns to depend upon it. It doesn't learn any other way to deal with stress. When you orgasm the body releases opioid like chemicals that calms the body down, which is perfect for dealing with stress and anxiety. But it is not true comfort. It is a fleeting feeling, and often the negative feelings come back even worse. The sooner you decide to change, the easier it is to cut it out of your life." So you have to find some other ways to deal with your emotions. Like I wrote earlier, I simply do not act on my emotions and wait for them to pass, that approach might not work for you.

BONUS TIPS - They are not a must like the above but they might help you:

-Limit the time spent online, if fact eliminate useless sites like social medias, reddit, news... you don't need them in life. When I am online, i spend most of mine time here, and I have only one other site which i am using ( there I write mine meditation journal ) and that's it. I use google rarely, only when I really need it.

-You can live without sex, sex is not necessary for you to survive. It is necessary for the survival of the species but not for YOU as an individual! Sure it is good to have girlfriend, be married and have kids, but you can live without that.

-Your heard this one before many times, if you relapse, do not binge. That is something i never managed to do. After relapse, i always binged for like 3 days and hated myself for doing so and than start over.

-Check success section often. Congratulate people who made it, it will mean a lot of them.


I don't expect all of mine advice to apply to everyone, but one thing is certain. Until you start learning from your relapses, identifying your triggers and preparing for bad days you will keep spinning in the same circle. People who have recovered has stopped that spinning , consciously or unconsciously. They have learned to deal with their emotions without PMO, they know that it is normal to experience emotions and that they will go on their own.


As for me, 25 days has passed since I watched porn, masturbated or had an orgasm. I don't see myself relapsing anytime in the future. Even if i do, with mine perspective i am sure i would get up immediately. This has been mine second longest streak but I am no longer into that stuff. I was porn free for 31 days over a year ago, obviously I didn't learn anything during that period. Now I am learning.


NOTE: This guide is not completed yet, but I couldn't wait to publish it. Perfectionism is a bad thing.
I will edit typos and add something more in the future and keep you updated.
For now, I just hope it helps at least 1 person here.

 

Thanks guys for your feedback.
@NooseAnchor Yes, it just keeps pushing us forward!
@Strivefwd That is great! Keep working on your new habits until they become a part of who you are.
As for new record, I'll get there, but first... 28 is the next big milestone.

 

@j_david_pol
Relapses are part of the recovery process It is important to never give up! Good luck on your new attempt.
Thank you

 

STOP USING PORN AS A WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONS - I will quote @i_wanna_get_better1 because there is no way for me to say it any better than this: "Addicts use porn to alter, medicate, numb, sooth, or escape from negative emotions. The more you PMO to deal with stress the more your brain learns to depend upon it. It doesn't learn any other way to deal with stress. When you orgasm the body releases opioid like chemicals that calms the body down, which is perfect for dealing with stress and anxiety. But it is not true comfort. It is a fleeting feeling, and often the negative feelings come back even worse. The sooner you decide to change, the easier it is to cut it out of your life." So you have to find some other ways to deal with your emotions. Like I wrote earlier, I simply do not act on my emotions and wait for them to pass, that approach might not work for you.

 

@Oneness Yes, you got that right and I believe you are on your way to recovery Facing them is the best way, but it is also the hardest. That is the only way to truly end this addiction. By staying busy you are only abstaining from porn but you are not recovering. And sooner or later you will relapse, some people do it after a day or two, other after couple of weeks, and the ones with strongest will power relapse after couple of months.

 

This is a perfect GUIDE!!!

 

@NooseAnchor You are absolutely right. I didn't go into details about that one but I should have, because like you said, there is a huge difference between those two approaches.
I will edit it later and maybe add something more.

There is a lot of room for improvement.

Thank you very much.

 

@jatar Thank you. That was exactly mine point. The goal here is to not count the days but to end this addiction. And the only way to end it is to face those thing from what you are trying to run away, in most cases people are running from difficult emotions.

@NooseAnchor I was thinking a lot about editing what I wrote about STAYING BUSY but looks like there is no need to do so. Because that paragraph only make sense when you read in combination with the paragraph bellow it. It might be a bit confusing to some people because mine way to deal with it is not something people commonly do.

 

@icanrockmylife Thank you very much


It feels like this guide is not completed yet, in the next couple of days I will try to write how to actually write with your thoughts and emotions. Step by step.

 

You show a lot of wisdom in this guide. Thank you so much for putting this together. I am in the midst of my longest streak in almost a decade, and I have been so close to relapsing multiple times, but looking at what you wrote has educated me in areas I can improve on to prevent a future relapse. You're an encouragement to me and so many others.

 

Great advice.