30 days, Reality Check

Day 30
This is where most people feel like they did something amazing and they are writing a wonderful success story's in this section of the forum. I do enjoy reading these and I am glad that most of the people manage to improve their lives greatly after only a month of NoFap. But that didn't happen in my case and to be perfectly honest I am not feeling down, I am perfectly fine with that.
What you won't see on the success section but you'll find in Resets and Relapses section of the forum is that a very huge percentage of people who made it to 30+ days eventually relapse. I won't go into details here and act like I KNOW why they relapse, but I believe that majority of relapses happens when people lose hope, they were "promised" some big and massive changes but their lives are still the same.
But let's be real here, for most of us 30 days is not enough time to see some noticeable changes and you should lower your expectations. I still have panic disorder with agoraphobia, and my life is not any better than it was before I started this challenge. In fact, it is actually a lot worse because I am dealing with porn withdrawal symptoms. Flatline is here. From time to time I am experiencing lack of energy, lack of motivation, increased anxiety, insomnia.... the list goes on. But like I wrote earlier I am not disappointed because I was expecting this stuff. And I know that I am so far away from my recovery. Porn did so much damage to me and I would been stupid if I have expected all my problems to be gone in 30 days. But I did... I have expected to see some massive changes after only 30 days. Luckily, thanks to joining this forum and starting a journal I have realized how stupid I was.
I know that I have started something big because I am no longer running away from my problems and from difficult emotions. And I firmly believe that there are many great things that awaits me in the future. But I have to work on and put some effort on developing and maintaining positive habits. So this is in some way a success story because this community has awaken me

Sorry for the the negative thread in this section of the forum, but I can't stress enough the importance of "Knowing what to expect" and "Preparing for bad days" because that is when our inner addict shines. It waits until we feel weak and vulnerable so it can attack us with everything it has and force us to relapse. I wrote about this stuff before in my guide, if you are interested check it out it is right there in my signature.

Have a nice day everyone

 

@Oneness Porn did some serious damage to our lives, it has stopped our developing and growing. I feel like I have never managed to moved out of the "Boy" stage, and yet, I am 29 years old.
I am done with running and hiding in porn, internet or gaming.

 

Brilliant post and much needed reading for me. A great reminder that this whole thing isn't just about quitting PMO, and if you merely abstain, you'll lapse because you haven't made the changes in your life that will fulfil your emotional needs.

That's exactly what I'm working on at the moment. The question I'm asking myself: what emotional needs do I have that aren't being satisfied and what can I do about it?

 

@GeoffUK Exactly! Ending this addiction is great and it sure gives you a great push in life. But in order to make some lasting change you have to put a lot of work.

@INSANE SMART WARRIOR You know it already, if i remember right you have relapse recently on 40+ days streak. It just shows that we are never safe, we can always relapse if we are not ready to deal with the worst. Sure, sometimes we can distract ourseleves by watching movies, going out, playing games.... but sooner or later we will be faced with what we are running from and there won't be a place to run. And that is when a lot of people relapse, it is really really really hard to stay strong in those moments. But it is possible.

 

I really appreciate this post, and I don't think it's negative to have the proper expectations. I've hit 30 days today, and I don't have any new superpowers, and I sure as hell haven't noticed increased attention from women. I suppose the difference for me is I really wasn't expecting those things to happen for me. I started my current reboot expecting to fail, and with every passing day I slowly started realizing I wasn't failing. I hit my first serious craving within the first week, and I had my smartphone in hand ready to relapse, but I overcame. It was then that I realized it was possible, and that was the fuel that has kept me going.

I believe one of the biggest dangers all addicts face is complacency. I'm not surprised when I read about relapses after 70 days or 90 days or even 360+ days because I appreciate how this is a life long journey. I know of alcoholics that have fallen off the wagon after over a decade of sobriety. Nobody ever cures addiction, but we can overcome it and take control of our lives.

Congratulations on your 30 days. I truly appreciate how significant of an accomplishment that is because I'm right there with you in my reboot. Here's to another 30!

 

@MadHatter Of course, I can see some improvements but they are barely noticeable. Only now I can see how unrealistic my expectations were when I first joined here.

@zathura Thank you. I am really glad to see someone else posting the success story on the same day I did. Lets make it to 60 days and post another reports!

THIS! That is what separates people who are going to make from those who won't. Sooner or later you will be faced with serious craving or you will have a really terrible day. It is absolutely crucial to stay strong and not to relapse. Giving in to your temptation is something what we all have been doing for years, that is why are here. But if you stay strong and say NO, than you unlock some power within you and you are motivated to go forward.

 

@droolpillow Changes will happen, I strongly believe that I will experience all the benefits ( so will you ) but not just yet. I remember my first attempt at NoFap, I made it to 31 days and I felt like a beast, but not this time. I guess i did some more damage to myself in the previous year.

@RandyN Congratulations! I am glad to see there are more of us who has reached 30 days today. Stick to this community, create your own journal in appropriate age group and write in it daily. I believe this community will have a positive impact on you, it certainly had on me.
Good luck!

 

Man,
I was just thinking the same. When I started nofap I thought I would be the best of myself in a few months.
It's not true. It takes much more time and hard work. Patience is key.

Just like you, porn/fapping for years cannot be healed in a few months.

You're expierence is so advacing and helpfull.
THANK YOU