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Pointing Out Other People's Flaws

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Fallior, Aug 2, 2016.

  1. youngweef

    youngweef Fapstronaut

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    I definetely see your point, but i think fupornwife is abbreviated for "fuck you,porn wife" because the user is sick of the 5 minute relationships with pornstars and FU is meant to give him a sense of power over his porn addiction. Thats just my guess, anyway. Do I think it belongs here? No. But Im just shedding some light on why he probably thought that username was a good idea. Bumblebee Tuna
     
  2. Themadfapper

    Themadfapper Fapstronaut

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    I like pointing out other people's flaws.

    People pointing out things that are not helpful or relevant to the conversation [ @MS pants] does not mean Autism, either that or we have a ton of Autists here? Lots of people are obsessed with things or have an agenda and they continually bring those things up or steer conversations in that direction.

    About FUPORNWIFE. Her husband's screen name is "FUPORN" get it? Fuck you, porn! Nothing wrong with the name!

    Pointing out physical flaws in people? I do it with women. Not in person that is beyond rude! But about porn stars or women I was attracted to as it helps me get over obsessions. Everyone has flaws and no one is perfect.
     
    Fallior and oversexedsami like this.
  3. youngweef

    youngweef Fapstronaut

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    I relate with alot of what you're admitting too, so dont feel alone. But the "give and take in conversations" thing you dont understand? I might have an explanation for you. Its about active listening and contribution, picking up on tone/body language and maybe (depending on intentions), escalating into another topic you wanted to talk to them about and then transitioning into that if the "mood" or "energy" feels right
    this is a long ass scenario but i think it explains the give/take in conversations

    Ok Jim just met Sally at a live music venue,where Jim's favorite band,Amon Amarth will be playing. Jim notices that Sally has an Amon Amarth shirt on that displays their best album, in Jims opinion, so he asks sally if thats her favorite album too. Sally says No,but instead of accepting that sally doesn't feel the same as he does and cutting the cobcersation, he Progresses the conversation by taking an interest in her opinions by asking her what album she thinks is best,which she answers. You might be thinking, "ok,what would he do next in terms of moving the conversation along?" Well,Jim gives an opinion,based on her opinion by commenting on a guitar riff he really likes on that album she mentioned all all she does is agrees. Knowing that he has done more of the talking in the I conversation, he gets the sense that he might be coming off too strong,so he backs off and gives her space,taking her feelings/comfortably into consideration which will give her time to think of something to ask him,or talk about while jim hangs out and enjoys the atmosphere of the venue. Well,Sally wanted to talk with jim more but she didnt want to bring up the band,because Jim already did,and she knew it would lead to a dead end so she points to the stage and says "I wonder how Amon Amarth is gonna fit their drummer,bassist,and the guitarists/Mic on that tiny stage!" So now, Jim picks up on her vibe/intent to engage with him,which gives him the sense of confidence to talk about himself more so she can get an idea of what it is he does in his life outside the venue so Sally can feel like theyre moving away from the "total strangers" phase so he says "yeah I dont think I could even fit my drums on that stage!,I'd be impressed if they could get through the set without someone getting hit in the face with the guitar neck!" All while look I directly at sally with a smile,and they make that eye contact which brings them together a little bit" and Sally Laughs, showing a sense of ease,Which Jim picks up on. Sally picks up on Jim's interested in play in music and she now wants to ask Jim some questions so she asks him whatkind of band he plays in,etc which makes jim feel happy,but he saw this as an opportunity to joke around with Sally so he says that he plays in a strict Kenny Chesney cover band,which leaves a shocking look on sallys face so Jim laughs and says he kidding. Sally laughs and says "I dont know why you're laughing about Kenny Chesney because I love his music" which shocks Jim,so Sally laughs and says she was kidding too. The show starts,they do their own thing and mosh and stuff,but when the show ends,Sally saw jim and went up to him and said she thought he seemed cool and that they should get to get sometime,which Jim happily agreed on.


    And to think it all started with 1 little common interest and knowing when to back off for a sec to give someone space. Also of it is learning how to pick up on vibes and reading body language/voice tone. Its painfully obvious when someone doesnt want to talk back in a conversation but when you come across someone that seems youre speed,keep the conversations light at first and dont come off too strong because then you'll look creepy.


    Sorry if this is too long of a read but I think it explains it
     
    Fallior likes this.
  4. youngweef

    youngweef Fapstronaut

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    I didnt proof read what I typed and Im on a smartphone so my auto corrects make me look like an idiot,please forgive that lol
     
  5. oversexedsami

    oversexedsami Fapstronaut

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    You may just not be filtering what you think before you decide to go ahead and say it. Oftentimes, when we have some anxieties and self doubts about ourselves we will point out flaws in others around us. It could be like projection, when we attribute our own unacceptable feelings/thoughts onto others rather than take them on ourselves. It can be hard to accept ourselves exactly as we are because we all have flaws and it is how we deal with those flaws within ourselves that predicts ways we perceive the flaws of others. Something to think about :) Humans are complex, man and growing into and accepting things about ourselves is very challenging no matter how old you are. We tend to lash out and hurt those closest to us too, which sucks. What I think you would benefit from is more mindfulness in how your speech and in your actions. Before you say something about someone to someone, make a judgement call on if your thoughts need some filtering. Intention: Am I saying this to hurt this person? Choice: Is this something that needs to be said? Compassion: Can I try to understand how this will make this person feel? Empathy: Can I see the other person's point of view? Try your best to be respectful, not embarrass them, and think about how you'd feel if someone said this thing to you. Many of us get that feeling of being at odds with yourself within yourself, it isn't abnormal. I personally don't think you have any kind of personality disorder or autism spectrum disorder. I think you'd do really well with exercising more control, more mindfulness of your thinking and actions, and patience with yourself.
     
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  6. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

    You are correct. Thank you. The name is modeled after my husband's and was chosen before I had spent any time on the forums and realized people used P instead of the full name. In almost three months no one has had a problem with the name, or the sentiment, F U Porn, until now, so I'm gonna assume it's ok.

    I thought I should point out, however, that I was the first to bring up Asperger syndrome, which comes under the single umbrella term autism spectrum. I said:

    "It sounds like you lack empathy for others. This may be extreme and I have very little to base it on, by what you wrote, but do you have other signs of being on the spectrum. http://www.brainbalancecenters.com/blog/2012/02/signs-and-symptoms-of-asperger-syndrome/"

    For those who are not reading all the comments I'll repeat that he went to the link and answered each individual question, which showed it was indeed possible that he could be on the spectrum. As I told him, it's far from an actual diagnosis, but he does show some signs. Mspants and another person with direct experience being around people with autism confirmed that the trait of pointing out people's flaws was familiar to them. We had a very civil conversation until another person jumped in and, again, repeated an earlier assessment that he was an asshole. (EDIT: This comment and the one mentioned in the paragraph below have now been deleted by the mods.)

    Personally, I wish the first person hadn't said he was an asshole. It seemed clear to me he was confused and genuinely needed help. I don't consider calling someone names helpful. But once autism came into the conversation I was flabbergasted that someone else would come on and repeat the earlier unhelpful behavior of name calling. In my opinion, an asshole is someone who knowingly does or says something with intent to hurt and doesn't care. That doesn't fit at all with the OP, who came on here asking a question, confused about why his statement was hurtful, and who, as it turns out, may have an actual medical/brain condition that makes it difficult for him to understand how his words affect people. (Although going through an online list of symptoms is far from an official diagnosis and, if he wants to pursue that, he should contact a professional, which I did tell him, and he agreed made sense.)

    I dont think name calling has any place at nofap, autistic or not. In fact, I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place. Report the name callers and let the mods decide who's right.
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2016
    Fallior, oversexedsami and MsPants like this.
  7. Star Lord

    Star Lord Fapstronaut

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    My post was deleted because of some autism spectrum thing wtf is wrong with this forum. I'm not allowed to defend myself when someone deliberately makes a belittling comment towards me and my earlier post for the record my words inhuman were directed to fupornwife NOT OP and my word insensitive was used as a descriptive word to explain OP's behaviour towards visual flaws against other people. I've been wrongly disciplined because fupornwife jumped to conclusions thinking I was being hurtful instead of descriptive.
    Your allowed to use potentially triggering usernames but I'm not allowed to use the word insensitive in correct context. What a fucking joke
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2016
  8. Star Lord

    Star Lord Fapstronaut

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    How is it fair that I can't use the word insensitive to describe OP's affect on other peoples confidence with regards to picking out flaws in people just because nofap users think they are psychologists and labeled OP as potentially autistic. That's just stupid. Seriously where is the logic in that. "Oh let's compare these statements to this website and see if I think there's a link" you should have all just advised professional psychological help instead of planting doubts in OP's head. Your not professionals your just people.
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2016
  9. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

    @Fallior, I'm sorry some commenters have gone off course from your question. Since you asked for links that might help explain your situation, I hope the ones I provided were helpful. Perhaps talking to your mom about this and/or showing her the links may help her understand you better. Like I said before, if you are able to and want to, perhaps someday you will be able to seek professional help. Of course, as I also said before, its very possible I'm way off base and you aren't on the autism spectrum after all. Best of luck to you.
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2016
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  10. Fallior

    Fallior Fapstronaut

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    That would be a good theory, and yeah I don't have much confidence, but I do know that I have good qualities in myself, so it's not that I know that.
     
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  11. Fallior

    Fallior Fapstronaut

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    That is true as well. I have no idea if that is what it is, but I do know not too long ago I start slowly freaking out on the inside when out in public, like when I'm about to talk to someone, yet not in the same way as social anxiety because I am actually fine with talking to them. It's like it's something else yet not, it's weird.
     
  12. Fallior

    Fallior Fapstronaut

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    Lol, don't worry about the auto correct. And okay, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Yes, I can tell when someone doesn't want to talk, however I can't pick up on body language past that very well, if at all, nor can I understand or come up with things to talk about based on what they said or how they said it, which tends to almost ALWAYS lead to awkward silence.
    @fupornwife finally got one of the other questions answered now :p
     
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