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Hello - I'm new and I'm nervous

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by next steps, Aug 10, 2016.

  1. next steps

    next steps Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    I've recently come to terms with the fact that my "hobby" is not healthy. I'm 40 years old, and this "hobby" has been with me since I was 13. When I was stressed, when I wants to celebrate, when I wanted to kick back and unwind. But lately (perhaps the most damaging and why I decided I needed to seek support) it's been when I'm bored. It's become the equivalent of checking out Facebook, or playing a game on my iPad. I check out porn, often without even having the desire to masterbate. I scroll through pages and pages of naked women, to the point that I started to feel desensitized and over sensitized at the same time. What I mean by that is I felt desensitized to the fact that these women were showing very intimate parts of themselves (both physically and emotionally) and I looked at them all with the same thought I'd give to deciding which pair of socks to wear in the morning. When I say oversensitized, I mean that I've started to view all women as a sum of there physical attributes and what they're wearing (my fetish is clothing related). To make matters worse, I have a beautiful wife that I find very sexually appealing and who I'm in a loving relationship with. When we have sex, I'm not in the moment of three- dimensional people enjoying themselves - I'm focused on trying to remember the details of a two-dimensional picture. I disconnect, and that's not cool!

    Anyway, I feel like I'm oversharing on my first post. Even as I post this I feel the pull of my "hobby." I'm looking for support, and I'm glad that I'm a part of this group. I'm hoping this is the first step to becoming the me that I want to be.

    -a-
     
  2. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the forum. Porn addiction is not only for the young. Many of us 40-somethings have been addicted for decades. We got married and had a family and hoped the problem would just evaporate into thin air, but unfortunately it only grew worse and worse. For many of us our porn addiction became our stress reducer, anxiety reliever, reward system, means of escape, and primary form of entertainment. Start a journal in the 'Ages 40+' folder to document your recovery. Read or post questions in the 'Relationships' folder. I hope you find success on your journey.
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2016
  3. vLife

    vLife Guest

    Welcome on board! I also struggle with this habit when I'm alone and bored or tired.
     
    next steps likes this.
  4. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

    Welcome. I'm here for support and to support my husband, who is in your shoes. Your wife is welcome here. As well as the main forums we have a private group for SOs.

    My husband and I discovered some great tolls to help us repair our marriage here. See links about FANOS, karezza and nonsexual cuddling in my signature. (If you're on a phone, turn it to see my signatite.)
     
  5. next steps

    next steps Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the support. I'm new to this world, so I have questions about acronyms and jargon. What is an SO and PMO?
    Also, what do you mean by "hard mode"?
    Thanks
    -a-
     
  6. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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  7. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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    SO is not mentioned in the glossary. SO stands for Significant Other. The SO is the partner in the relationship who does not have the addiction.
     

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